Thanks, Its reassuring to hear how others had doubts looking back, but are now happier about things.

Anyone know the emotional stages of breaking up with someone? Confusion, doubt, acceptance etc. At the moment my brain is playing tricks on me and good memories keep coming back to me. But I still think I’m doing the right thing at this stage.

At the moment my brain is playing tricks on me and good memories keep coming back to me.

doesn’t matter, now that she knows even if…

She has since this morning been trying to make me feel really guilty and saying how I’ll regret this and how I’m throwing away something special.

makes you reconsider she’ll always have doubts about how you feel. there’s no going back now unless you want to prolong the agony and probably ultimately get dumped yourself

of course there are doubts you dont hate her it is just that she is not the one

Just thought I’d give a quick update on this, for anyone who cares 🙂 .

Well, it’s been a day over two weeks since it ended, and she still hates me, like properly hates me. She’s cut all ties on social media and WhatsApp, etc. I find this kind of insulting after 3 years together. Why should I care? Maybe I shouldn’t but its not how I like doing things. Every message I have recieved off her has been short and abrupt.

She doesn’t want me messaging or talking to any of her friends or family ever again, some of which I got on very well with and would like to see again. I’m pretty sure she’s made everyone she knows hate me.

When will the hatred end 😳 😳 . I suppose it’s maybe her way of dealing with it and I know everyone is different, but I’d prefer to keep communication open after such a long time with someone £ years).

But thanks again for all the wise words on here. She’s saying that I’ll regret it in a few months time and that I’ve made a mistake. I don’t feel any real regret so far though. It’s hard as I still care about her any everything though.

Sounds to me like you’ve not experienced many relationship break ups.
It rarely goes well. Even less rarely are the lines of communication kept open.
You’ve dumped her, really not sure you’ve got any right to judge how she handles it or to expect her to react in a certain way.
And she still hates you after two weeks? Try two years or even two decades!
Not sure why I am posting but I was just a little bit wtf when I read that last post.

She thought you were the one, she planned on spending the rest of her life with you and you **** it all up fir her. She is going to hate you dude! Leave her alone, it is the decent thing to do.

we all handle this differently but she is hurt dso walk away and let her get over you.

Not great but the best thing to do given her state at present.

We like an update. Her behaviour is confirming why you decided to leave. Cutting links on social media is normal inc untagging all photos and deleting featuring the other person

I split up with my fiancée 8yrs ago last month – her choice.
Whilst I don’t hate her anymore I certainly don’t want any contact with her, whether in the real world or digital. I don’t speak to her friends either.
That’s how it goes when you destroy what that person thought of as their future, accept the fact that you are (in her eyes) the wrong ‘un and move on. Stay away from her friends and especially her family if you don’t want to be seen as even worse.

micheal – I understand her reaction ‘cos that is how I would react. Its all a bit black and white in my world. There is no way I could remain civil and wish to speak to my OH if we did split up and certainly no chance of being friends. I would not be vindictive tho.

“to the why do you love me” question it would be – “you make me whole, without you I am less”
You have my permission to puke

I think she is also following ‘the rules’. pretty much every breakup thread I have read (went through something similar a few years back and read LOTS) suggest breaking all contact immediately, dont be friends, block him from every aspect of your life etc etc

I’d like to think I’m in a better position than most to give you advice here my friend.

I’m 40 and I’ve been single for about…hmmm 38 of those I suppose..maybe 38 1/2. Well let me tell you it’s actually very easy being single the longer you are single. It’s a case of what you haven’t had you don’t miss. I’m working on being single for a bit longer so that it begins to send chills up my spine to think that I wouldn’t be single. I still don’t know what this obsession with getting married and having kids is all about.

Anyway I’m rambling; what you need to do is finish it with her and hunker down for a while. Get used to being single. Trust me after a couple of years you’ll wonder what all the fuss is about. After a decade or two you’ll be like me.

You’re welcome.

Hebdencyclist and Traildog + 1 here.

Still, I’ve two amazing sons who I adore and I think they think I’m alright.
No money to fill my car up even at the start of the month but somehow I’m happier.
I’ve found myself again after years of living with a very very controlling wife.

Move onwards and upwards and enjoy life.
Don’t look back wishing you could change things.
Learn from your mistakes and keep looking forward.

The cutting off all ties is normal in my experience. Take care OP.

Take care as well mikertroid.

I think she dodged a bullet here, lucky girl and she will realise that in time.

“Well, it’s been a day over two weeks since it ended, and she still hates me, like properly hates me. She’s cut all ties on social media and WhatsApp, etc. I find this kind of insulting after 3 years together. Why should I care? Maybe I shouldn’t but its not how I like doing things. Every message I have recieved off her has been short and abrupt.

She doesn’t want me messaging or talking to any of her friends or family ever again, some of which I got on very well with and would like to see again.”

Where is the empathy for her situation, her pain and possibly a sense of embarrassment and humiliation that her anticipated life partner left unexpectedly.

Pretty much everything you have written has been all about yourself, nothing empathetic to her situation – now you expect to hang out with her family. You are even phrasing it as only her her fault if her family feels unhappy with your own free choices and behaviors.

Wow, you are a catch!

Nothing wrong with splitting up, when you are in love there is no doubt and no mistaking it, but you have hurt someone else and are now sulking about their distressed response.

It does not look to me like she is the controlling one who wants everything her own way – rather the reverse!

Not classy at all. You need to review your attitude to others.

There are self help books on moving on after relationships which I have found helpful.

But as above you can’t really expect anything nice from her right now.

Honestly give her some space, my ex left me after 9 years, 3 years after moving to Oz tried to stay friends but after a while realised we weren’t se didn’t get that but cutting social media ties etc. is perfectly normal at no point do you want pics of your ex popping up showing how awesome their new life is without you.

Anyway welcome to the world of mid 30’s dating it’s a minefield

Is this a thread about brexit?

[video]https://youtu.be/6J4PGiJl2dQ[/video]

I have learned something from this thread.

“Admirative” is a real word.

noun
1. a feeling of wonder, pleasure, or approval.
2. the act of looking on or contemplating with pleasure:
admiration of fine paintings.
3. an object of wonder, pleasure, or approval:
The dancer was the admiration of everyone.
4. Archaic. wonder; astonishment.

I’m pretty sure she’s made everyone she knows hate me

You can’t make someone hate someone. They’ll make their own judgements. They might be annoyed if you don’t give her a wide berth and respect her wishes.

I doubt she hates you but is very upset. Avoid doing anything that will add to her pain and accept her way of coping.

As for yourself, carpe diem.

If you perceive that she’s behaving childishly/irrationally after you dumped her, this should probably confirm you were right to dump her.

Cutting social media ties is actually an excellent idea. Having your phone vibrate every time your ex farts is NOT the way to heal from a breakup 😀

You can’t control how other people think or behave. Just move on. A fortnight on Tinder and you’ll have forgotten all about her 😀

Her reaction is understandable and you should give her space. You just took a massive shit on her life. It’s not fair sending her messages giving her mixed signals and also wanting to keep in contact with her friends is odd. They should be standing by her rightly.

Even if you ended it for the right reasons as the relationship was going to end and you didnt want to prolong it.

Give her some space and move on. best.