For my 24th Birthday decided to go out with 4 mates, went to a student club in Manc as they sold Desparado's for the princely sum of £2.50. Fast forward several hours and I'm 10 miles from our flat outside my friends house being violently sick.

I'd decided in my infite wisdom to go back to my friends house, he ended up calling my GF at 5.30am to come and get me. I was none the wiser until I woke up the next evening. To say she was not impressed would be correct.

The same friend once turned the wrong way when heading for the bathroom and took a leak in the cupboard under the stairs.

On a Uni team night out, several of us decided to steal a 20ft long Redbull banner from the bar. Cue 30 minutes of stealth and bar maid distraction. Managed to get away with it too.

An ex. girlfriend used to look after the horses of someone in the village when they were away. The house (more of a mansion really) was huge with tennis court, swimming pools, stables, forest etc. etc. (owner used to trade oil tankers I believe!). One week we were housesitting (staying in "The West Wing" of this enormous place) and after a particularly heavy night in the pub I awoke the next morning and stumbled into the en-suite, only to discover a big curly turd in the yellow bathtub. I obvioulsy didn't remember doing it but I must of got up in the middle of the night, perched on the edge of the bath and crimped one off. After disposing of it, no amount of scrubbing/Ajax could remove the brown-coloured, donut-shaped stain on the bath. I often wonder what the owners (or next house-guest) thought it was…..

Where to start – they normally involve sex with munters though.

Beat up a bouncer in Oban once who was beating up my mate in an alleyway – not proud of that one really

Brother had a broken leg (fell of a castle in the village we live in drunk) and there were no taxis home from pub so I drove us – got out of car and tripped on the seatbelt and smashed my face in.

Doing a sailing delivery trip for a friend who owns a boat brokerage – delivering this brand new £100k Beneteau yacht about 40miles down the coast – found some Champagne and beers that my mate had put on for the new owners to have delivery party with the next day. Anyway the 2 of us on board found this, drank it, got rat arsed and crashed the brand new boat into the lock gates. New owner never found out.

Got beat up off some navy guys for calling all navy guys queer.

Created a roadblock with no parking cones in Tarbet in Argyll whilst doing Scottish Series sailing, some range rover approaches and some dude tries to get out of the back doors whilst the car is moving (also pissed) to get at us – car back wheel drives over him causing major injuries. We subtly sneaked away from that one.

Decided to stop drinking recently.

rode home from work christmas party at 3am ish blitzed out of my mind in a black DJ jacket and tie, black jeans and a piss pot (no lights).

randomly binned it crossing the a57 and slid along on my cheek for a yard or two.

car literally (screamingly) accelerates at me as i lie there, then pulls onto kurb. I (drunk and thinking he was trying kill me) half hurled my bmx at the car, and hurl some choice language.

at which point 2 armed response constables hop out. (they were unamused)

balls.

stolen a car with the owner's acquaintances still inside

most of my really drunken days involve passing out and waking up somewhere strange ( possibly next to someone strange ) but in a real fit of *drunk logic*… and this is years and years ago… I left a club in my hometown and I knew I was too drunk too drive the mile or so home , which would take me past the local police station , which in those days would have been shut anyway at that hour — so instead of driving that direct route I went the other way… country lanes for 4 miles , motorway for 5-6 miles and then country lanes another 4-5 miles the back way to my house.

oh ya.. that was brilliant.

At a house party while really drunk went to leave! They made everyone in the house leave there shoes at the door…..

I pissed in about 15 shoes! Longest piss i ever took!!

They were somewhat annoyed!!!

Same house 6 months later!!!

Me and a friend broke in. We took all furniture from downstairs upstairs bar the cooker… And put it in out mates room! We got so much stuff in there we had to climb out his bedroom window to leave! He came home from work that evening to think he had been robbed!! Police called and everything. He was pissed when he realised it had all been put in his room!!

Well funny!

A friend of mine kicked all the wing mirrors of cars on his way home then ripped out the toilet from a friends house and took it home with him as a trophy.

I walked into my mates room in the dark whilst they were shagging (she was ontop). I sat in the corner of the room sipping from a mug of redwine and asked if I could join in.

Anything else I will never tell on a public forum unless STW brings back anon postings.

Drunk and disorderly in Amsterdam, spent the wee small hours of my first night there in a police cell out of it in my boxer shorts, I'd been sick over my clothes at some point!

I had company mind you, my mate was in the cell next door!

Also once fell asleep walking back to my hotel in Crete, woke up by a coach load of Brits in the middle of nowhere, I'd walked past the hotel . . . got back, my mate was a sleep in the wardrobe!! Happy days!

3 of us eating chips after a club night. 2 of us started kicking lamps in on the market stall. Coppers see us about 50m. 2 of us scram, 3rd can't as he's injured his ankle. 2 of us stood in the night club crowd watching 3rd member get carted off by the fuzz. A night in jail in just his boxers… Not sure if he sees the funny side.

Also, dancing on a slippery floor, picked a girl up on my shoulders, slipped… Not sure what happened I was so drunk but I think it was OK. Makes me shudder to think, though.

Also, quite a few cars got trashed en route from Chesterfield town centre to home about 10 – 15 years ago. Mirrors, wipers, aerials, panels, tyres… Ashamed of that, I am.

ate a jar of pickled eggs.

ate a jar of pickled eggs.

I downed a bottle of vinegar and used a lighter to try and find where the smell of gas was coming from (we'd left the cooker on when we went out). One of my friends said 'dont turn on the light it'll spark an explosion, use a lighter instead'…

Such is drunk logic.

Someone I knew a few years back went out with his mates and was walked home by them after getting really wasted. The next morning his mum went into his bedroom to find the bed unslept in. She called his friends and they assured her they had dropped him off at the gates to the house.

She went outside to see if she could find any clues as to where he was and she found him fast asleep.

In the fish pond.

!!!!!!

I mate of mine got caught kicking the Tramps down by the embankment in London, instead of arresting him the copper suggested we take our mate around the corner and give him a good kicking, as his brother was with us that was not an option, although when we got home his brother ran a bath of cold water and we dumped him in that.
A few nights later we got a call from the Hard Rock Cafe the same guy was pi$$ed again and tried to do a runner, when we got there he was just in his undies as he was trying to leave his clothes as security until he got the money to pay.

ex-girlfriends mum! 🙂

My favourite story was a guy in my hall at uni who, on the walk home, had decided to break into a building site and settle in for a bit of sleep. He eventually woke up and went back home to bed, but discovered the next morning that he'd left his shoes at the building site.

I love the image of him being so hammered, he'd slept on a pile of rubble, but somehow still thought to take his shoes off! 😆

I'm not even going to list my own ones – far too embarrassing!

A couple of injuries – I ruptured a tendon falling from a friends shoulders on to my shoulder. I didn't want to put my hands out and spill my drink 🙄 . I broke a bone in my hand punching a billboard because it had a dancer on it – I didn't like dancers much at the time. Ten minutes later I got home and realising I was locked out climbed in through the kitchen window. I woke up in the morning in a wet bed with a now room-temperature bag of frozen peas.

A couple of times I've woken up in unusual places. Once was on a lawn outside the object of my affections apartment. Her housemates hadn't taken kindly to my hammering on the door at 4am and in no uncertain terms told me to go home. I'd made it about 6 feet before passing out and woke up around lunchtime surrounded by sunbathers.

The other time was when I woke up on a train in Waterloo station. Not a massive problem for some but this happened to be the Eurostar and I happened to live in Paris

Of all the times I've been very, very drunk – and there HAVE been many – I think the worst acts in recent years have been the loud verbal abuse of my (ex) partner. Once in a London hotel room and again in a boat berthed up on the Caledonian Canal.

Things changed when our child was born, and frustrations built up. Being the emotional retard that I am, I could only release my pent-up feelings whilst horribly drunk….there's an irony – opening and imbibing the contents of a glass bottle to enable the opening and emptying the contents of an emotional one!

I'm told that my language and demeanour was vile. Even today a shameful remorse falls over me when I think about what I probably said.
Two incidents which contributed to my single status today, no doubt.

Another two separate occasions saw me asleep on busy Glasgow thoroughfares, and by chance being passed by acquaintances who thought me a pleasant and friendly enough person (when sober) to pick me up and guide me home safely. I dread to think what might have happened otherwise.

Who was the OP again?
Thank you, sir, for starting a thought process in my head. Now that I have read some of the STW stories, and recalled and reflected upon some of the times in my life when 'a drink' has gone too far, I'm glad that I seem to have reached a point where I drink no more than four on a 'heavy' night now.
I hate hangovers; I've puked enough vomit to last a lifetime; and I've suffered too many 'soft-ons' to even think about trying to score with the fairer sex after a scoop any more.

Cheers ae'bdy

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:5ngHpLivjJTU5M:http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/fastshow/characters/images/rowley_birkin2.jpg

ate a jar of pickled eggs.
meh. old hat. Just gives you foul breath and evil sh1ts for a week.

Moss Bros refused to take my white tie suit back after a Cambridge May Ball. Even with accidental damage waiver. Too many reasons to list. The next day I was 7 hours late for an important meeting with a consultant cardiologist at UCH who chuckled the whole way through the meeting (as I tried my hardest to appear professional) then waved me goodbye with 'I'd normally suggest we went for a drink somewhere, but I'm guessing you're never drinking again?'
Good man 🙂

Got dragged onto the stage in a live sex show club in Amsterdam and got "involved" 😳 😆

I got drunk and had a party while my mum and dad were in france, anyhow the garage burnt down and my mums car in it… 2 fire engines.. I slept through it pi$$ed … yes I got a rolecking

maybe not the worst but among the stupidest – making the suggestion 'let's have a sword fight'. what could possibly go wrong?

as we had proper swords in the house no problem. some minutes later i have given one of my best mates his 'duelling scar'. an altercation arises, more fighting, he drags me done a gravel path and throws me through a gate. much bleeding and laughter.

then the wee neds arrive. we decide to retire indoors. but not before i've allegedly said something inflammatory about their mothers. flat windows smashed with bottles. we decant into the street. a much larger altercation ensues. police. arrests. court.

Nothing too bad for me. One of those people who know when to stop drinking. Thin line between having fun and being a total prick.

On holiday with a few friends in the Algarve his Dad was all too keen to take us for a ride on the his boat. So we hopped it over to gibraltar for the night; Evening started well with a civilized meal before us 5 young un's decided it was a bit crap and we should head over the boarder to La Linea for the night.

Me being the most sensible (not my vote!) I held everyones passports when we were in spain to ensure they were safe for the return boarder crossing. Anyways long story short I copped off with a barmaid did a load tequilas in a beach party before heading back to hers for a bit of spanish finest.

Following morning got walked to the boarder before runing back to Marina to go and gloat. Gloating lasted about 10 seconds after my mates Dad told me I had all my mates passports and after an altercation at the border the 4 pi$$ed brits without passports they'd all spent a night in the cells in spain.

One of the best nights of my life, they may not agree…

How about a non-happy ending.

An drunken aquaintance reckoned he could run across the beach between two sets of steps down the sea wall between waves. The waves were large and he failed.

My best mate from school came back from uni one weekend with a young lady he was trying to impress – we went out for a "few" drinks and I ended up in a passionate embrace with her. She came up for air and said "Chris isn't going to like this" and I just looked over her shoulder and said "Why don't you turn round and ask him?"

He is still my best mate, and I was his best man, but he didn't marry her….

BoardinBob you were bummed?

Erm I havent done alot except go for a piss up against a scout hut.
But my mate went for a piss on someones door (only 50 metres from the club with just walked out of). With the occupents clearly awake with the lights on.

I once went for a piss at house party and when I came back downstairs everyone pointed out my trousers were wet, turned out I forgot to take it out and had just stood in front of the toilet and pissed myself

rang up an ex girlfriend on the morning of her wedding

i drove the car that towed my mate on his skates.

he was a good looking lad before that day 🙁

Just remebered another funny one. In Darwin is Aus got drunk with two lads – one of who had fairly bad cerebral palsy ( spastic) we decide we wanted to go for a swim and the only pool we knew was in a posh hotel – too posh for us to get into. We stripped starkers on the street and ran into the grounds of the hotel and dived into the pool – loads of posh folk around it. Swan a couple of lengths climbed out and got our clothes and got dressed and legged it – apart from the lad with the CP couldn't get his trousers up and was staggering around in the middle of the road trousers round his knees as the cops arrived. He got arrested and we had a right laugh. We did go and bail him out a couple of hours later tho – the cops just let him go. I don't think they knew what to do with a drunk naked raspberry 🙂

Had a bike race in Ontario Canada.
Drove to the U.S. right afterwards and made it to Chicago by around midnight.
Two friends and I started drinking heavy when we spied the water fountain at Daley Plaza.
We were still sweaty and dirty, so we got naked, swam around and, while others were still swimming, I took all the clothes and ran around the corner with the pasty-skinned guys in pursuit.
No cars by Daley Plaza, but around the corner was pretty busy.
Lots of horn-honking and yelling.

Puked into my cupboard thinking it was the bathroom

Went for a piss and didnt realise the toilet seat was down

Went to pay in some cheques and ended up with a 4 grand loan

Went back to my office, screwed up my work, then went back down thew pub and phoned my boss abusing her asjing why she wasnt out drinking while she was stuck fixing my work

spend about 250 quid in a strip club

a german girl

Oh actually a mate of mine managed a good one, he walked about a mile sleep walking up blackheath hill and was woken up on the heath by the police wondering why he was sleeping there at 3 in the morning with no coat on and no shoes in the middle of winter. he had to phone his missus to pick him up as he didnt know his way back to our place. she was not best pleased

Lifted, with a bunch of Welsh, rugby playing, drunk, idiots, a Mini from its parking place and put it on a traffic island…………in the middle of a dual carriage way……………..that was surrounded by concrete bollards. Still feel a bit guilty about that.

whilst sober (after being thrown out of a supergrass gig for crowd surfing Gaz got my shoe though) built a see saw in my mates student house garden based on the one at glentress unfortunately it was only 3" wide….
So I crashed big that day came back off me tits on laughing gas got plastered and while my mate was trying to ride over the see saw covered the shop bike we were using with petrol and lit it.
Another guy said I'm not sure – I said whats the worst that can happen – he dislocated his thumb.

While at a wedding out the country went for a swim in the rooftop pool in my boxers then pulled 🙂 outside room keycard doesnt work, run down to reception on the spiral marble staircase and slip bouncing into reception of a 5* hotel on my ass in my boxers, told them my room number and it worked (and she was still hanging onto my door handle) 🙂

Climbed buildings & scaffolding

Went for a walk at a black tie dinner in Llanberris ended up halfway up snowdon then up at Pen-y-Pass finally cops picked me up in Nantperis, apparently Mtn Rescue were coming out.

Played Higher Lower one night with a bottle of beer, bottle of port and a bottle of highland park, dont remember much after

I've forgotten most of the stupid things I've done or never remembered them anyway.

Back in the Navy days, came in from a club in Gosport at 4am and pi$$ed all over one of the lads I was sharing a mess with, he had a big woollen blanket on him, woke up freezing in the morning he did and stinking.
Once phoned a girl I was having a bit of a thing with whilst on a night out with the girlfriend of the time, she caught me waffling bullshit at the back of a boozer on a mobile didn't realise she was sat next to me listening, drink is great but time hasn't healed those wounds.
Once crashed at my mates folks after a heavy night in my youth, woke up and couldn't get out of the living room and ended up pi$$ing over his TV and sky box, this was early 90's when sky was new and cost and arm and a leg.

I think I've made some almighty mistakes over the years and I do wonder why I still drink sometimes.

Many years ago – thinking back I must have been fifteen or sixteen – it wasn't uncommon for my friends and I to wander for miles around the countryside whilst enjoying ourselves on drink and substances.

For quite some time I'd find myself ending the night with a hugely-chested girl, usually by default rather than by design, because we'd catch up with each other roaming around with our respective packs of friends. She was mucky, and as a horny teenager, that appealed to me. On this occasion, it was carnival night, so our usual alcohol consumption had tripled at least.

She and I found ourselves in a field behind her parents' house, and in my semi-conscious state was I surprised to find that she was trying to coax some life from my disappointingly out-of-commission goods. Oh, how desperately she was trying to breathe life into it…

Suddenly I became aware of a figure stalking towards us in the moonlight. I ushered the girl to cease her efforts, and in doing so she caught sight of the approaching person.

"It's me mam! You better leg it!"

Usain Bolt might have run in record time with an untied shoelace. I ran faster with my kecks round my ankles and a soft lob on.

The quickest exit, and the one which my beer compass knew was in the direction of home, was to run west over the field and vault the fence, so that's what I did. What I didn't know at the time, but I'll never forget, was that 'over the fence' is a 60 degree slope covered in deep bramble bushes. And I still had my banger out.

Eventually I came to rest somewhere near the bottom of the hill, lacerated and screaming, my flesh trapped by the barbed plants. Ruined, I lay back and expected to die, but fate wasn't kind enough to let that happen. I was in someones garden, and they were coming for me.

Like the one that got away, I struggled free from the skewers that pinned my skin and made it over the final fence to freedom, but I'd been spotted by the home owner and needed to put some distance between their house and me, and more importantly, the police they would doubtless call.

Some hours later I awoke, several miles from home, sleeping by a reservoir. I walked back to my parents' house feeling remarkably well, but remembering little of the night before.

Later that day, I met a friend who told me that I'd copped off with the large-breasted girl again. It was news to me, but no matter. I was quite pleased with myself – none of my other mates had pulled that night.

A fortnight later and I stepped off a coach in a French car park. I was on a school trip and this was a rest stop. One of the teachers, who was travelling on the second bus, called me over for a one-to-one chat. I knew I'd been arsing about on the bus, but he was on a different vehicle. Nonetheless, he didn't look too happy.

"Next time you're getting a BJ, keep the noise down, and when you're making your way home, don't try and take a shortcut through my garden".

I was remarkably subdued for the remainder of that trip.

came back after a heavy session at the pub whilst in halls. Jumped in the shower, then the fire alarm goes off. Run outside in dressing gown, it's very windy and i'm like marylyn monroe flashing my danglers.

another, downed half a bottle of rum and booked a holiday to dublin, with the intent of carrying on drinking. (This was actually good!)

fell down pyla dune after 2L of wine, that was epic.