Urinal Etiquette

Last year stavro junior went to the bog at Manchester airport after a flight back from Sydney. The force of the one he let go made the guys either side of him jump. He said it was a good job his tackle was out or he’d have p*ssed hisself.

Saw this last night, and thought of you lot:

“1st Class” being at each end of the bank of pissoirs.

I once let go a real beauty in Edinburgh airport. The airport was pretty quiet and the only people in earshot were a mother and her son who must have been 7 or 8 years old. The lad and myself were trying to suppress laughter but I could tell the mother was not impressed. The look I got when I turned back to my wife could have cut steel. I thought I was going to get a smacked bottom. I was 30 years old at the time.

Hahaha. On a conf. call trying not to laugh…

I had a similar moment at Charles de Gaul airport. Leather seat, echo prone gate area (the echo stopped people pinpointing the sound). I did the only decent thing; looked over at an old lady near to me tutted loudly and moved.

Also had a comical urinal moment. In the pub over the road from my local train station, in the loo and a bloke runs in at full speed. Clearly drunk but obviously busting. Having made it from the station, across the road, down the stairs in time, he unzips and pisses in the corner of the room not in the urinal. Never worked that one out.

Top thread!
Thanks and a doffed cap to the great ape for the superb poem and to Wordnumb for making me collapse in fits of giggles. 😀

doffed cap to the great ape

+1. You sir are a legend 😀

(Isnt Google search wonderful?)
😆

Ah- here we go Part 2:

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/urinal

http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/deep-inside-the-chain-pub-piss-dungeon

😯

1. Face Forward

2. Don’t Laugh

I had a friend who loved to fart. Whenever he did he always got this really satisfied look on his face.

One day I was sitting across from him when I heard him let one rip. His look of satisfaction suddenly changed to a wide eyed look of shock.

Me: “Followed through?”

Him: “Yup”

I was at the Goodwood Festival of Speed, several sheets to the wind, I was at the urinal when mediocre Formula 1 driver Olivier Panis stood next to me.

I glanced at him, looked down and suppressed a giggle

The infantile panis/penis scenario tickled my humour. He thought I was laughing at his undertray.

Tricky.

I was kept in hospital overnight on tuesday , the farting in the overnight ward between 2 and 3 am sounded like a recital of Paul Mcartneys Frog chorus. Awesome.

I’m suddenly reminded of a mate who had a phobia of being assaulted whilst pissing, he felt very vulnerable, so would always leave his belt and top button done up and just undo his fly, so he could defend himself without his trousers falling down. I can’t get the crying bald man out without undoing everything..

You must NEVER talk at the urinal, even in this circumstance.

Talking is fine as long as you’re on an even footing, i.e. speeking in the que is fine, and speeking at the pulpit is fine, and while washing your hands, but never between them.

Used to work in a well known outdoor shop in Newcastle. One of my mates was serving a well to do lady and her teenage daughter (recently collected from public school and still in posh uniform). They were trying on walking boots and my mate returned with a different size and sat down on one of those little wooden trying-on stools with the slopey front that you only get in shoe shops. You can guess the rest – he let one slip in error, a right window rattler… Hard wooden surface emphasised matters. He went beetroot, we just about wet ourselves and dived for various store rooms and stock cupboards to recover. She never did buy any boots…

I can’t get the crying bald man out without undoing everything..

Hard to locate, is he?

Of course it is you fud.