Clang. Hisssssssssss.

Squealy disk brakes.

A bike clattering through a rock garden. More so if the rider is no longer on the bike & its scraping down on its side.

The sudden rumble-silence-AAARGHTHWAPCRUNCHBANGbangtinklefssssst when you leave the ground and then completely **** up the landing.

“No, lie back down! Don’t try & sit up!”

Hope hubs.

“Elite rider coming through….”

The rattling driveshaft of a bus as it passes me with six inches to spare.

The crunch when a bone breaks

Creaky/clicking pivot bearings

Bottom bearing tick or squeaky saddle.

Bang and gravel slide when my lad overcooks a jump, thankfully few and far between as he’s a better rider than I can ever dream about being. Oh to be eight and have no fear!

Bang, crunch, crinkle, ting, ting, ting, ting, bang.
(Rear mech in spokes)

somebody chatting amiably while you’re riding uphill at full whack beside them

The one where your gel seat has a tear and has collected water and has an air gap?

Nope, it’s your mates shouting for you to slow down..

“Yes, its a fatbike, i’m something of an enthusiast……….”

The squishy noise of nads coming into contact with crossbar….

Cheers, Steve

“Sorry lads, last orders was five minutes ago.”

“It’s a Jones, they’re brilliant actually….”

The bang when you rim has worn through too much and your tyre rips off. Glad to never hear that again

Badly shifting gears.

Jason Bradbury ?

“Excuse me sir; I’ve punctured my tyre and can’t fix it. Is there any chance you can…..”

“Coming through, STRAVAAAA!!!!”

Hitting the pub half way round to be told “we stopped serving food xx minutes ago”

The sound of a car door opening…

Someone else’s disc rotor rubbing on a climb. Oh the humanity.

THe sound of someone’s eight year old son laughing his head off as he sets off downhill just before you.

The sound of pound notes falling off your drivetrain as you cycle along a beach of wet sand….

Or a lap of the Puffer…

Charge Knife saddle creaking!

The scratchy rustling of an empty bag of Haribo 😥

A Cannondale Supersix with knackered BB30 bearings… Trust me here… I nearly lynched someone who kept overtaking me every time I passed him on the last sportive I did, he stayed with me for about 15 miles! If I slowed down, so did he, when I sped up, so did he… All the while his bike making a loud “CRACK” every single bloody time he turned the cranks!

FFS, part of the point of BB30 is that 6806 bearings are so cheap and easy to replace by any muppet! I very nearly lost my sh!t that day for real…

Hearing your brake levers hit the handlebars and realising you are not going to stop in time. 😯

The sandy crunching sound of your drivetrain in the winter over Cannock Chase, reminding you what you really go to work for.

The horrible metallic and hollow “thunk” that tells you how badly you’ve just damaged your rim.

@Daffy yep, was just going to type the same thing – rim on rock… 2 knackered rims in 3 weeks for me, the last one I damaged was 9 years ago…

Or… The deafening silence as your fall through the air towards the scene of the accident.

Derailleur being ripped off and eaten by your spokes, that’s a hell of a noise.

Oh and finally the sound when you snap an ISIS BB in half, it’s like a rifle going off, glad those days are long gone.

That clunk when you come up short and bottom out the back end

[video]https://youtu.be/wbIwvo7wI6o[/video]

A riding buddy who you’ve not seen for a while claiming, “I’m not doing much”. When you know full well they’re riding 2-300 miles per week.

A car horn