Following on from the discussion here, and the Citizenship Test, I thought it’d be a bit of Friday fun to come up with our own questions to more accurately ascertain ‘Britishness.’

(Please try and avoid cynicism and sarcasm; I’m not looking for ascerbic swipes at how shite we are.)

How would you test for Citizenship? What essential knowledge would you expect from someone looking to integrate with society? What’ve we got?

What tyres for…

What is the price difference, as a percentage, between a pint of bitter in a Working mens club in Rochdale, and a bottle of Corona in a bar in Shoreditch?

What tyres for…

I said society, not a bunch of moanyarsed pedantic occasional-cyclists.

(-:

Name your local pub.

Which of the following do you buy your food in, and why? Sainsburys, Asda, Tesco, M&S, etc…

Explain 3 differences between Rugby League and Union

when making a breakfast pie should you include hash Browns or not?

Do you like peas?

On reciept of poor service do you:

a) point out your dissatisfaction to the service provider
b) tut.

What is the optimum amount of chili sauce you should apply to a doner kebab, if it already contains both salad and yoghurt?

Would you like gravy on yer chips, luv?

Do you disuss your feelings with people and talk openly about any issue
a yes
b No
C i would rather not say

Where would you find Rovers Return?

What should you do with your household waste?

How would you contact the police in an emergency?

When writing your last will and testament, you leave all your wordly goods to

a) Your children
b) Cancer research
c) A sanctuary in Devon for poorly cats

PC or Mac?

the country has fallen out with germany how would you resolve this issue?
a World war
b Penalty Shootout

the country has fallen out with germany how would you resolve this issue?
a World war
b Penalty Shootout

That’s hardly a citizenship test, we’ve done both.

England are playing Pakistan at cricket. Which team do you support?

The correct sauce on chips is

A Mayo
B mustard
C tomato ketchup

if a dog bites or chases you while you’re out for a ride, is it;

a) your fault for not knowing how to behave around dogs
b) the irresponsible dog owners fault for not controlling their dog (which means, on a lead)
or
c) just MTFU

And won!

How long do you stand in an umoving queue before asking the person immediately in front of you ‘Is the this the right queue for x’?

a) 4 seconds
b) 5 minutes
c) I wouldn’t ask, I’d just hope someone else did and then try and overhear the answer.

When considering Germany as a nation, which of the following is uppermost in your mind:

a) their work ethic and strong economy founded on a solid, high-quality, manufacturing base.
b) the fact that nearly 50 years ago they lost a football match

When a girl says no does she really mean it

Who shot first, Han or Greedo?

emsz – Member
The correct sauce on chips is

A Mayo
B mustard
C tomato ketchup

ah no trick questions, D all of the above is missing 🙂

That’s hardly a citizenship test, we’ve done both

but not won at both [ i am not English so careful with the “we” RACIST 😉
Oh thread started re STW

Scone>Jam>Cream

OR

Scone>Cream>Jam

????

Write an essay no Hope vs Shimano.

Anything containing any sense or being shorter than 10,000 words and you’re out.

The perfect evening should ideally consist of:

a) A trip to the cinema, maybe the theatre.
b) A pleasant dinner party, or meal out, with friends
c) 17 pints of Carlsberg, 5 Sambuca’s, a kebab, a fight outside the kebab house, then a bit of action with Sharone who works in Asda, over the bins behind Weatherspoons

What is your time limit for standing in a queue?

Last Night At the Proms ,what is your favourite song?

Can you name 5 Soap stars ?

What make is your second car ?

Are you up to date on The Archers storyline ?

Would you like to be an American ?

Is one of your lips stiff ?

Do you abide by the rules of and obey ECKYTHUMP grand master.
re the GOODIES .

BLACK PUDDING RULES>

Should crusts be left on, or removed, from a cucumber sandwich?

When, if ever, is a fruit tea an acceptable alternative to proper tea?

And, in keeping with the scone quandary…

Fish/chips > vinegar > salt or fish/chips > salt > vinegar?

The company you are on the board of fails spectacularly, losing billions of pounds of other people’s life savings and causing massive redundancies and it becomes apaprent that you knew it was going to happen adn were busily off loading all those shares you had. Do you expect
a – a massive bonus
b – a knighthood
c – a continuing career as economic advisor tothe government
e – all of the above

Please try and avoid cynicism and sarcasm; I’m not looking for ascerbic swipes at how shite we are

Those values are at the very heart of Britishness. Where exactly are you from, are you French?

Explain what a queue is.

Those values are at the very heart of Britishness. Where exactly are you from, are you French?

Well done, you’re the only person to get the first test correct.