Of course the logical alternative is to create an online persona and open your emotional arteries to the empathetic, all knowing, massed wisdom that is STW.
Whereupon, you will be:
informed that your bike "are sarcin"
criticised for the unkempt state of your lawn/kitchen/radiator
berated for the lack of protective creosote on your shed
mocked for the pitiful dust hiding in the crevices of your rear wall that masquerades for mortar
derided because your valves & tyre logos were not aligned using a digital micrometer (from a select list approved manufacturers and provided by a mystical online supplier for considerably less than the manufacturers cost price)(however you will automatically fail in this endeavour as the most wistful of "The Sages" will capriciously elect not to post until some seconds after you announce that you have made an irrevocable purchase from an "approved" but mainstream source)
Then (if the haughty horde can possibly wander back close to topic) you can anticipate being advised to:
pwn the f***er with yer "Bombers"
wee in their shoes
just "kick her/his/the seal/goat/chimps back door in"
post a picture of her/you/the seal/goat/chimp in a compromising situation
pop it on a conveyor belt and watch it evolve into a rigid singlespeed