Oh and what are obviously some lights plugged in somewhere to charge that everyone else thinks are part of a bomb factory

There are cheap multi-tools everywhere, so whenever you need to work on something there's one within reach.

Player always loaded with a bike DVD for breakfast time.

Cupboards full of value malt loaf.

Light charger gets it's own socket.

You can't walk around in bare feet for risk of standing on bearings, cable ends, rotor bolts etc.

Bank statements read like the yellow pages' Cycle Shops section.

Most bed sheets have blood stains from the knee down.

LOL.

The coarser bits of grit and dirt have built up in a line down the centre of your bath.

There are multiple pots/emptys of petroleum jelly/vaseline/sudocrem lying around the bathroom, but no kids.

Your dining room table is covered in OS maps, bridlepaths marked in highlighter pen.

There are bottles of lube dotted everywhere, even though you're straight.

Sailors, builders, cowboys etc frequently entering and leaving. Right said Fred / scissor sisters / Erasure / WMCA blaring out of the windows. We were talking about single speeders yes.

Apparently the wife sez "when there's fookin' mountain bike shoes in the top oven drying out while I'm cooking tea" 😆

Garage door eight inches thick with razor wire round it and/or off its hinges and wide open.

The house is miles from anywhere useful, but handy for the local trails.

Coat rack has one jacket that does work / pub / weddings / funerals / winter / summer………..and six bike jackets to cater for wind, light showers, heavy showers, rain , snow and one that was bought because it was on sale.

Kitchen floor is scarred with evidence from every bike you ever built in there – yes I do need new cushionfloor 😉 . Camelbak bladders on every radiator. Permanent frame box shaped parcel in the hallway (oh, is that just me?). Garage full of boxes, old washing machines, etc, etc – kitchen full of bikes. Handlebar end size holes in various doors/walls and +1 for the tyres marks everywhere too – I even have them on the ceiling 🙄

Thanks to GT85 overspray, a good run-up plus socks gets you from your bedroom across the parquet floored hall into the living room.

Camelbak bladder in the freezer.

Two manky black marks on the kitchen floor where your stick-e compound tyres fuse themselves to the lino if left for any length of time.

my other half insisted i include /admit this

tub of vaseline in (her) bathroom cupbard marked 'bum only'

kennyp – Member

Coat rack has one jacket that does work / pub / weddings / funerals / winter / summer………..and six bike jackets to cater for wind, light showers, heavy showers, rain , snow and one that was bought because it was on sale.

That'll be my house then. Jackets for warm but dry, warm but wet, cold and dry, cold and wet and any combination of the above. Plus one suit that varies between interview (pastel blue shirt and blue or purple tie), funeral (white shirt, black tie) and smart casual occasions (shirt, no tie).

Result of being bored one day after I had movend into my new house around about 9 years ago

Postierich, liking the house number. I'll copy that soon 😉
For me, 6mm/5mm/4mm allen keys fished out of jean pockets just before washing 🙄

When there is a queue of the neighbours kids outside your garage of a weekend, needing their bikes fixed.

Cracking thread, so many things other people have pointed out (that my house has) that I've just thought "Oh yeah, thats not a normal house feature"

More bikes than people
Pedal scuff marks on door (I'm always careful about tyre and handlebar marks but forget about pedals)
Car seats always down
Greasy hand prints on doors

Bike bottles everywhere
Allen keys in various places around the house where they shouldn’t be
Hairspray in the garage (though less so since the advent of lock-on’s)
Tyre marks on the roof inside the car

Yep the wif still likes to tell all that when she me me she had to share the bedroom with 3 bikes…<sniff> happy days.

> house chosen for ability to cycle to trails, proper brick outhouse aka the bike shed and some other stuff.
> I don't complain about her Hobbs bills as long as she doesn't mention the bike bills

– liking the idea of old helmets as hanging baskets…