[Closed] Tell Me About Your Evil Deeds......

I stayed in the lift a little bit longer than usual tonight before getting out - I may have released some rather noxious bum gas just before the doors closed...

I are the last biscuit in the communal office tin... 👿

Upon spotting a rather large puddle of water in front of a bus-stop i found myself unable to do anything other than speed up and aim for it. This resulted in the bus-stop and its occupants being obscured from sight by a massive wall of water.

I'll take this oppertunity to apologise to all affected. ( I feel a great weight lifted ).

It was in Germany though so not as bad...mwah hah hah...

I dumped a girlfriend in a christmas card.
Im still, very, very sorry, Jenny 🙁

I are the last biscuit in the communal office tin...

you're the last biscuit? is this a public school thing?

Stoner, thats terrible!

Stoner, you are a very bad man indeed! At least when I broke up with a girl I did it to her face.
Sorry Michelle. 😥

Stoner - Member
I dumped a girlfriend in a christmas card.
Im still, very, very sorry, Jenny

Brutal! Surely thread winner?

CountZero - Member
Stoner, you are a very bad man indeed! At least when I broke up with a girl I did it to her face.
Sorry Michelle.

Before or after you dumped her?...... What?

bump

heres another
I once urinated into a tub of punch at a party in my Uni halls
A lot of people drank from it

Well done flicker

I dumped a girlfriend in a christmas card.
Im still, very, very sorry, Jenny

Done to her face*

* Nope not in that way

i once drew legs on a christian fish sticker on the back of a car in a car park.

I are the last biscuit in the communal office tin...

Am yow from the Black Country?

Hmmm, had sex with two different girls within about 4 hours, one of which was my girlfriend at the time.

Also, I lied about being a virgin in order to deflower a girl, and then faked an orgasm quickly in order to be convincing.

Both of which make the dumping via facebook (by the girl I was seeing changing her status to 'In a relationship' with someone other than me) that I received last night pale into insignificance, karma's a bitch 😆

I once told a man at a fancy dress party that he made an ugly woman only to realise seconds later that she was in fact a proper woman.
No words can put that right so I just walked off.

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

faked an orgasm quickly in order to be convincing.[/qoute]
That lack of an outpouring of joy* would give this lie away surely.

* is a euphemism

 

That lack of an outpouring of joy* would give this lie away surely.

Condom off, condom in bin. New Rubber. Go 'again'. Job jobbed.

Used to wakeboard on a local river, one day spotted a couple squirming about in the long grass next to the river bank…. so I cranked it over as far as I could on the whip generating an impressive rooster which totally drenched them... I looked back and nearly went arse over tit laughing as the bloke ran around ranting & raving…. until he realised he was jumping about in full view with his tackle hanging out

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

I was at a kids birthday party recently when they dimmed the lights in the crowded kitchen for the blowing out of the candles thing. I was navigating around the table and in the dark I lost my balance and grabbed hold of a sofa. The lights then came on to reveal that I was actually stood behind a very fat woman who had bent over to get something out of her handbag. I was pushed up against her massive bottom holding onto her hips, in a doggy styley

I explained away the situation by saying, "i'm sorry, I mistook you for a sofa." 😳

Some of you are right bastards - especially Kimbers first confession!

Stole many a man's soul and faith*

*Laughed at their 29'ers

Genuine laugh at Mr Sinatra

@kimbers ..thats evil 👿

Hi
Not evil particularly but maybe a little mischevious.
Many years ago split up with a girl and then found a spare key to her car in my house.
She worked at a local hospital with a large car park and she became a bit of a pain in the a##e so when I was at a loose end I used to go and move the car from where she parked it to somewhere else in the same car park.
Apparently the first time she reported it stolen and was then very embarassed when her friend found it and then after that just became very confused as to what was happening.
Never got sussed though 🙂

Cheers
Steve

@fatgit, that sir is pure genius I had to put a cap on just so I could 'doff' it to you

once after a heavy night at rock city when I was at University, I cleaned the toilet with the toothbrush of a chap I shared with. Two others did something equally horrible to some of his other possessions.

Rob me and another housemate did the same to a housemate that we didn't like. Only we were sober.

The guy was an arse though who told many tall tales and whatever you had done, he'd done it twice as big / fast / worse etc.

i used to share a bed with my brother, and i could never be bothered to get up to go to the toilet, i just used to lean over and pee on his side of the bed. mum thought he was a bed wetter till he was 10

i had a mate come to stay when he broke his leg, i used to chew the butter and spit it onto the bread to make him a sandwich and i used to make him a cup of tea from the hot tap, sorry Bob

[i]"I used to chew the butter and spit it onto the bread to make him a sandwich"[/i] lol, I'm sure he will get over it.
[i]"i used to make him a cup of tea from the hot tap".[/i] 😯 You sick deviant!

Makes you wonder how deeply sinister these confesions would get if these posts were totally anonymous with no mods..

I posted a rather ripe dog turd in a jiffybag to someone that I had an intense dislike for.

One of my favourites and one that I still do is to put stuff like condoms and lube into some middle aged womans trolley when left unattended in the supermarket. I've also put ladies undies into mens trolleys. I've never witnessed the confusion at the checkout but just the thought of it makes me giggle.

I wrote "Do not feed the swans" on the back of a touring ballet company's coach.

I once drowned a puppy in a mop bucket

My next door neighbour annoys me quite a lot. The woman that lived on the other side of him would continually park over the edge of his lawn. He remarked to me that it was irritating him.

A couple of days later, on a rare excursion out without the kids I returned home quite drunk to find he had left a note on her car, in a typically passive aggressive manner saying:

"Hi neighbour, would you please try not to park on my lawn? You have done it a lot and the grass is now dying. Many thanks, Martin"

I swiped the note, went indoors and wrote one out myself. "Hi neighbour, if you park on my lawn again, I swear to God I will bathe in your blood and dress up in your warm flesh. Many thanks, Martin"

She moved out a little while later and I always felt a bit bad.

That trolley one is great weekend m
I'm going to start doing that!

Not an evil deed of mine but of a friend of mine,during one extremely cold winter three friends set out to do an ice climb in the lake district these are done during the wee small hours when the ice is in good nick.
The first pitch was easy so it was free climbed , but for safety each person ascended after the person in front had reached a large ledge. With two climbers on the ledge one of them in need of a toilet the third set off only to pull up over the edge faced with a large arse mid movement glinting in the moonlight, and the other climber convulsed against the rock and ice tears rolling down his face.

I suppose when you have go you have to go.

I used to regularly approach cars parked half on the pavement in my small village and cover the inside of the doorhandles with the contents of the bags I picked up after my 3 Jack Russels.

I swiped the note, went indoors and wrote one out myself. "Hi neighbour, if you park on my lawn again, I swear to God I will bathe in your blood and dress up in your warm flesh. Many thanks, Martin"

Hardly up to Beelzebub levels, but me and my mates took to taking off a front gate from a big house on our way home on New Years eve.

We only ever moved it into a garden three doors down due to a combination of drunkenness and laziness. We did it three NY Eves on the trot.

The owner got wise and bolted the gate on, so we took a spanner out on the next NYE and took it off, being careful to replace the bolts while giggling in the snow.

Probably not going to hell for that, but might end up as a tour guide.

When I was in 6th form, me and a few mates all had (access to) minis

There was a running joke where you'd come out of a pub, fail to start the car and then find your rotor arm balanced on the roof because somebody had come past and seen your car

One night we did it to another mate who wasn't in on the joke. They tried to bump-start it down a hill, lost the rotor arm and were walking home when somebody saw them and told them the game - I think I remember they found the part OK 😳

If it hadn't been him, it was probably only a matter of time before someone's mum got stranded

I shot the sheriff and his bellend of a deputy !