Code Red is exclusively used for an entirely different emergency.
Clearly never workend in a supermarket elfin.

Actually I worked in ASDA for 4 days when I was 16. How about that, eh? You weren’t expecting that, were you?

Ha!

See? So shut up.

Ahh, a wealth of experience.

I worked in Waitrose as a youngster. I get the feeling this isn’t the same working enviornment that most people understand to be a supermarket, so chapeau. You’re the authority on this one.

very good supermarket thread. Can’t wait for the next one:)

Oh and another thing why do women ALWAYS drive into a parking space, and always have to get as close to the doors as possible, then just reverse out, without looking,seems as if their heads dont swivel to look in the mirrors.

Then theres the child and baby spaces for parking, i once accidently on purpose parked in one,10.00pm at night some female without any sign of kids started screaming it was for women with kids, i just said the kids are in the back of the van, went in the supermarket and she had reported i had locked my imaginery kids in the van and they put out an anouncement to say would i return to my vehicle please.

Finally theres all the disabled spaces, a few years ago took my dad shoping,we couldnt find a disabled space, so had to double park in a bay to get his wheelchair out and him in it.
The car park jobsworth said he was reporting me for inconsiderate parking, When i pointed out my dad was a wheelchair user he apologised and said he would get an anouncement put out about disabled parking.

Did the shopping and the nice jobsworth said i have kept a place near the front of the store for your father , you can move you van there, so left dad at the entrance,and drove to the space, reversed in.

Next minute a fat idiot driving a zafira, screams up and starts shouting abuse at me for parking in the disabled space, i should be ashamed etc, he was going to block me in as a protest etc, i pointed to my dad who was waiting to be wheeled into the bay, and said im not disabled but he is and he is my dad, now P..s off, followed by aplause from all the other customers watching.

So please never park in the disabled spaces.

Dear me, the mind boggles. Elf working in ASDA. I’ve heard it all now. 😯

Tell me, Elf, why didn’t you make it to day 5?

project – polite request for you. Not all women are dozy cahs.

But I do agree with you re parent and child parking. What a load of tosh that is. I have been known to use these with my adult kids in the car. I really don’t care. The world has gone mad. 🙄

CG youre not dozy, just the ones who drive into spaces and cant swivel their heads.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-11706667

anyone off here 🙂

IIRC you cant get arrested or accused of shoplifting until you try and leave the premises….

load up your pockets and stuff your xmas jumpers with your shopping and wander around suspiciously, putting whatever your holding back on the shelf instantly the moment a security guard looks at you, but make sure you’ve still got a massive bottle of something sticking out your pocket.

they cant touch you until you leave, the disappointment in their eyes when you wander over the a check out and load it all carefully onto the checkout to be paid for!

alternatively if you’re a wimp and dont have the guts to try the above… when it comes to entering your pin, pull out a massive bit of paper with 4 random numbers written on it, and read them loudly whilst typing in your actual pin, then announce “i dont know why i carry this bit of paper, i’ve written it on the back of the card anyway!” (always shocks the people in the queue 😀

put embarrassing items (itchy vagina cream, multipacks of condoms, tena-lady incontinence pads etc) in other peoples trollies or baskets when you see them approaching the tills and its too late to notice.

pick miserable looking shoppers and follow them around until they’ve finished their shopping, making sure to do the ever-so-british-and-polite “we must stop meeting like this” line everytime.

i like to pick the grumpiest looking checkout-monkey and force them into innane conversation about how wonderful it must be to work for a company like tescos, make sure this convo gets in the way of packing or paying with any speed.

a mixture of all of the above ensures a pleasant supermarket experience for all invovled 😀

Phil – I like your style!

Personally I like to think of emabarrasing combinations of things I need…

Tequilla, Vaseline, Condoms.

That’s a pretty good mix. Stand unabashed at the till. Hands on hips with your legs slightly too wide apart. Get in first with the ‘doing anything nice tonight question’. The polite cashier will ask you whilst realising the contents of your basket…

KY is better than vaseline for making strangers blush, now that supermarkets sell all the durex “play” range the world is your oyster 🙂

the one i’ve always wanted to do is fill up the trolly, get to the check-out and load it all up carefully…

then as they finish running it all through, ask what the price is…

“that’ll be 134pounds sir”
“hmmm i thought so”

and walk off.

alternatively

“that’ll be 134pounds sir”
“ahh cool, i dont think i’ll go for them, just wanted to check as nothing seems to have prices on the boxes in this shop!”

and walk off.

My current pet hate with supermarkets is the rationing of carrier bags. I do actually have reusable bags but sometimes forget them or go shopping straight from work etc. so need carrier bags. In Tesco at least they don’t put them out anymore instead you get the checkout person take a quick look at your shopping and hand you one or two bags (when in fact you have a full trolley’s worth) so you then have to keep asking for more as though you’re committing some evil sin. Gah just give me the friggin bags :p Oh and it’s now also a PITA that I’ve run out of old carrier bags in my house so am stuffed the odd time I need one (chucking muddy gear in or something) so now have to use bin liners which probably use 10x the amount of plastic. I guess they’ll start selling packs of carrier bags soon…

Fuzzy wuzzy carrier bags are going to be charged for in Wales from next year sometime , part of the WELSH Assemblies way of dealing with waste . lol.

I need a lemon and some nicotine gum.

Can I go to the supermarket for this?

Tell me, Elf, why didn’t you make it to day 5?

Biohazard in Dairy…

Vaseline, Condoms.

Vaseline and latex don’t mix; petroleum jelly degrades the rubber. Use a water-based lubricant such as KY instead.

So, if you ever find yourself in a situation where such things may come in handy, you’ll know what to do…

carrier bags are going to be charged for in Wales from next year sometime

LiDLs has always done this; helps keep prices down and cuts down on waste.

I need a lemon and some nicotine gum.

Can I go to the supermarket for this?

Yes.

Thanks Elfin. But which till should I use? I’ve lost all confidence in my own ability to visit a supermarket. I don’t want to offend anyone.

we went to tescos in pitsea, basildon once. oh dear.

carrier bags are going to be charged for in Wales from next year sometime
LiDLs has always done this; helps keep prices down and cuts down on waste.

Yeh, my council won’t let us put stuff in the bin unless it’s bagged up. Currently reuse the sainsbo’s bags but soon enough they’ll be charging – no greener, just more profitable

no greener, just more profitable

Of course. Makes me laugh when supermarkets go on about being all nice and caring. They don’t do owt unless they can see profit and/or publicity in it for themselves. Bastards.

Ein hundert!