Kevevs - Member
*puts on haughty voice* I am exceedingly betterer and more important than yow! outta my way grandad, I gotta be somewhere!
I tell you what, working on a busy supermarket checkout, you learn a lot about human nature. Everyone should do it, at least for a bit. It'd be a good way of rehabillitating prisoners into society, or bringing down pompous deluded **** a peg or 2. Cashback?Posted 10 minutes ago #
I totally agree, have had nothing but a good laugh at the antics of some customers, the poor straff who have to take and deal with the abuse is not nice, its the customers who cause all the problems.
Oh and mr asdamorrisontescosainsbury, why not remove the back off the conveyor belt tray so as things are scanned they just go down another conveyor belt straight into a plastic carry box, oh so easy, no packing involved or fighting to get the bags open.
Do what I do. Stick on an MP3 player like the yoooofs do. Walk round in world of BFMV or other noisy rock tunes. Smile in an inane way to other shoppers and shop workers. Works especially well at chrimbo, I dont dare to take the earphones out and just say 'Happy Christmas' in reply to every dumbass question . You very quickly learn to lipread 'Can you please enter your pin'
Play the conveyor belt game. Leave a huge gap in front of your shopping when loading, Or load up shopping and leave the Next shopper divider waaay down the conveyor belt . Battle of wils for the next shopper to dare to move it forward 3 feet. For a simple twist on the aforementioned game try either lining up all of items one behind the other , or try the stacking game. Place as many items on top of one another till you have amassive tower of wobbly enourmousness that threatens to crash and burn with the stop start motion of the belt.
Singletrackmind, shopping may never be the same in Morrisons for me now.Luv it.
dont go to the supermarket?
veg box delivered
meat bought in bulk from the butcher and in the freezer
milk man does the milk
beer is in the pub
make yer own bread and soup
all other bits you can get em to deliver if you buy online
supermarkets are the real life depiction of hell
I treat supermarket shopping as a time trial
you need to know where everything you need is, where the quiet aisles are (pet food, nappies) and where the quietest tills are
always use self service as it's much quicker for a bag or two of shopping
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we never do a big shop so I'm in Sainsburys 4 or 5 times a week 🙄
One just went to Waitrose. Other shoppers were cordial, the staff exemplary. Currently doing an offer on British Ale, and had the nonpareilles capers I needed. I must say I was most pleased with the whole experience. Even helped a lady unpack her trolley at the checkout to help the queue move more quickly. I used my green token to vote for a donation for a local mental health charity. I really don't see the supermarket problem.
Southern Yeti, you can afford to shop at Waitrose. 😯
It really isn't that much more expensive, most stuff is on price match with Sainsbury's or Tesco, and by the sounds of people's experiences elsewhere any additional cost is worth it.
I like waitrose, it's small and not too busy,
it's like Lidle without tatoo's
lol yeti!
let's face it, supermarket shopping isn't the whole lovely shoppy experience we'd like it to be or told it is.
Where d'you go then Kev, yer bastard?
Oh and finnaly why in any supermarket there are empty checkouts long queues, and theres always about 5 men and women in suits with nice little name badges doing sod all, and as soon as somebody complains about the queues there is a tannoy anouncement all c-o-o ,s to the tills please they suddenly depart to the nearest staff only door never to be seen again.
MAGIC!!
nearest waitrose is 27 miles plus from me, and 2 motorways.
elfin- 3 laps of great orme, then to pub to watch rugby.
In Waitrose said 'Supervisors' rally the shelf stackers to the tills at the merest hint of a queue...
Luffly...
One can only echo The Southern Yeti's comments re Waitrose. One visited today for a shopping experience and one was on one's best behaviour. 8)
Sauntered over to the Wines & Spirits section only to discover, that still, yes still, they do not have on their shelves "Pure Gold" beer for mountain bikers. 🙁
Nevertheless, one was cheered by a delightful young chap summoning me to his freshly opened checkout. 8)
I like standing next to really posh-looking women in Waitrose, farting loudly, and then jumping back in fake horror, exclaiming 'ooh you dirty cow!'. With everyone looking at them in disgust and contempt.
Brightens up my day. 🙂
C_G I hope you consoled yourself, as I have, with a splendid bottle of St Peter's Organic Best Bitter.
Elfin - such behaviour is not welcome in Waitrose. I'll advise a nationwide ban on your good self. No hard feelings, but r'ally....
Also, right, if no-one's about, do a quick poo in the dairy products aisle. If it's a bit busy, I poo in a plastic bag beforehand, then do a 'reverse poop scoop' thing. Always a bonus if someone skids on it, leaving a proper big poo-smear all over the floor.
Lol at Elf 😆
TSY - is that beer any good then? And why do you need consoling?
Elfin ya barstid I almost pished myself reading that!
I'll quickly make sure you're not barred.
My local waitrose
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FCOL Elf - step away from the keyboard and head for the naughty step. Your behaviour is shocking, you disappoint me. 🙁
😀
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C_G it went down very nicely. Have moved onto some Fullers Honey Dew, which is a tad sweet for my liking.
Consoling was a reference to the lack of Pure Gold. Everything is actually very good at the moment with me, although your daughter still hasn't turned up... did you put her on the train? 😀
Elfin did you get extra clubcard points, and was it a case of "do one, get thrown out free"
Cor blimey, it's hard work trying to keep up tonight.
Just causing trouble in the Boutique Bikes thread. 👿
TSY - steady on there ... the night is young ... savour the beer, definitely no guzzling. 😉
Oh, I assumed you had lost interest in my daughter. ❓
No no no, C_G!
And, at 2 bottles for £3, I'm well stocked for this evening! 🙂
Can I marry your daughter please CG?
IMO it's people who go to supermarkets "for a few things" are ****in idiots
Interesting - so when I'm on my way to an event on a weekend morning, need to get myself some lunch and some snacks, it's only a minor diversion to go to the supermarket on the way to the motorway but awkward to get to any other shops, the only place I know of which sells the snacks I want is the supermarket - where do you suggest I go to get "a few things"?
Unfortunately our "local" Waitrose isn't that convenient to get to (I pass 3 other supermarkets on the way there) - still shop there fairly often, and our next door neighbours do most of their shopping there!
I want to kiss you aracer.
What if you did the 'dirty protest' right, but you had worms?
😀
[b]'Biohazard in Dairy; Biohazard in Dairy! Kevevs to Dairy please! Code Red!'[/b]
I'm totally confused with all you people.. I just ride a bike. there are snacks?
Code Red is exclusively used for an entirely different emergency.
Clearly never workend in a supermarket elfin.
Actually I worked in ASDA for 4 days when I was 16. How about that, eh? You weren't expecting that, were you?
Ha!
See? So shut up.
Ahh, a wealth of experience.
I worked in Waitrose as a youngster. I get the feeling this isn't the same working enviornment that most people understand to be a supermarket, so chapeau. You're the authority on this one.
very good supermarket thread. Can't wait for the next one:)
Oh and another thing why do women ALWAYS drive into a parking space, and always have to get as close to the doors as possible, then just reverse out, without looking,seems as if their heads dont swivel to look in the mirrors.
Then theres the child and baby spaces for parking, i once accidently on purpose parked in one,10.00pm at night some female without any sign of kids started screaming it was for women with kids, i just said the kids are in the back of the van, went in the supermarket and she had reported i had locked my imaginery kids in the van and they put out an anouncement to say would i return to my vehicle please.
Finally theres all the disabled spaces, a few years ago took my dad shoping,we couldnt find a disabled space, so had to double park in a bay to get his wheelchair out and him in it.
The car park jobsworth said he was reporting me for inconsiderate parking, When i pointed out my dad was a wheelchair user he apologised and said he would get an anouncement put out about disabled parking.
Did the shopping and the nice jobsworth said i have kept a place near the front of the store for your father , you can move you van there, so left dad at the entrance,and drove to the space, reversed in.
Next minute a fat idiot driving a zafira, screams up and starts shouting abuse at me for parking in the disabled space, i should be ashamed etc, he was going to block me in as a protest etc, i pointed to my dad who was waiting to be wheeled into the bay, and said im not disabled but he is and he is my dad, now P..s off, followed by aplause from all the other customers watching.
So please never park in the disabled spaces.
Dear me, the mind boggles. Elf working in ASDA. I've heard it all now. 😯
Tell me, Elf, why didn't you make it to day 5?
project - polite request for you. Not all women are dozy cahs.
But I do agree with you re parent and child parking. What a load of tosh that is. I have been known to use these with my adult kids in the car. I really don't care. The world has gone mad. 🙄
CG youre not dozy, just the ones who drive into spaces and cant swivel their heads.
IIRC you cant get arrested or accused of shoplifting until you try and leave the premises....
load up your pockets and stuff your xmas jumpers with your shopping and wander around suspiciously, putting whatever your holding back on the shelf instantly the moment a security guard looks at you, but make sure you've still got a massive bottle of something sticking out your pocket.
they cant touch you until you leave, the disappointment in their eyes when you wander over the a check out and load it all carefully onto the checkout to be paid for!
alternatively if you're a wimp and dont have the guts to try the above... when it comes to entering your pin, pull out a massive bit of paper with 4 random numbers written on it, and read them loudly whilst typing in your actual pin, then announce "i dont know why i carry this bit of paper, i've written it on the back of the card anyway!" (always shocks the people in the queue 😀
put embarrassing items (itchy vagina cream, multipacks of condoms, tena-lady incontinence pads etc) in other peoples trollies or baskets when you see them approaching the tills and its too late to notice.
pick miserable looking shoppers and follow them around until they've finished their shopping, making sure to do the ever-so-british-and-polite "we must stop meeting like this" line everytime.
i like to pick the grumpiest looking checkout-monkey and force them into innane conversation about how wonderful it must be to work for a company like tescos, make sure this convo gets in the way of packing or paying with any speed.
a mixture of all of the above ensures a pleasant supermarket experience for all invovled 😀
Phil - I like your style!
Personally I like to think of emabarrasing combinations of things I need...
Tequilla, Vaseline, Condoms.
That's a pretty good mix. Stand unabashed at the till. Hands on hips with your legs slightly too wide apart. Get in first with the 'doing anything nice tonight question'. The polite cashier will ask you whilst realising the contents of your basket...