Following the other bradford and Citizenship tests
There is now a test to join this Parish what questions are we asking?

To show I failed I am off out for a bike ride but I will go for the easy

Plane on a conveyor belt

Test depends on status – minnow or big hitter?

Baby robin?

Which forks are best to ‘own’ someone with?

Name two things commonly found in shoes.

How many bicycles has Hora owned?

this is a trick question – the correct answer is, of course, ‘all of them’

FAILing to search to see if your thread has already been posted = OUT!

What word described SurfMat?

Is TJ ever wrong?

You are lying in bed at night, when you hear your back doors being rattled. Do you

a) tell the potential assailant exactly what you think of him through a strongly worded post on an internet forum.
b) Grab a set of bombers and go investigate.
c) Think “this is the perfect opportunity to implement the Edinburgh defence I have been practising in the dojo for the past few months”.

Are you an utter flecking throbbing bell end.

Yes – You are a life time member of STW

No – Keep posting but you might be asked to leave at some point.

You are lying in bed at night, when you hear your back doors being rattled. Do you

d) claim to have a headache and suggest your partner goes back to sleep.

wwaswas fails both the subtly and obvious innuendo tests.

Middle class whiney cockbag?

wwaswas fails both the subtly and obvious innuendo tests.

and therefore pass the stw citizenship test?

It was subtler than the first thing I typed, I have to say, but then I thought about Mark and his banning stick and edited.

Although I think Internet is still out at stw towers so it’s possible that there’s no one looking today…

STW Citizenship checklist

Drive an Audi,
work in IT/middle management,
Keyboard Warrior,
Always right

What tyres for riding over a childs face on?

How do I bleed my avid brakes?

Why are Fox forks inferior to Rock Shox?

Do you know what ‘the’ badger thread is?

If the answer is ‘Racist!’, what is the question?

Which is correct – ‘awesome’ or ‘AWESOME’?

do you know what Picolax is?

Do you own or want to own:

a. A wood burner
b. a chainsaw
c. A wood store

is carbon better then alloy?

a. yes
b. no
c. depends on what hits it
d. they use it for planes dont they?

Would a plane on a conveyor belt take off?

What precautions should be taken before taking picolax?
a. Do not stray out of doors
b. Do not assume that little things can do no harm.
c. Store ample supply of toilet paper in fridge.
d. All of the above.

<EDIT> Dammit too slow </EDIT>

Maintains that titanium is a world pacifying uber-metal with godlike properties when used in frame manufacture, but is surprised when the cheap Ti frame from <insert country of your choice> breaks at a weld during an ordinary ride.

You happen across a group of riders in the woods. Which one is unlikely to be a STW member:

a. The guy on the single speed Titanium 29er?
b. The guy on the single speed fully-rigid 69er?
c. The guy on the geared 26er with jones bars & a fat bike front wheel?
d. The girl on the trek top fuel?

When eating Taramosalata do you eat it straight from the tub, or put it into a ramekin or bowl?

Corollary to the above: Do you know what a ramekin is?

Have you licked Binner’s eyeball?

Did you buy your ramekins at John Lewis?

double post edit.

Name the smallest variety of caper?

Have you read any of the above posts before considering your answer?

Which of these breakfasts is ok on the idiet

a eggs
b toast
c Cereal

Is steel real?

Have you read any of the above posts before considering your answer?

Do you wear full-on style stormtrooper body armour to commute to work?

Name the smallest variety of caper?

well the range is ‘shoplifting Black Jacks from the Newsagent’ right through to ‘Great Train Robbery’ isn’t it?

Do you shave with a Bic razor?

Do you write with a biro?

Do you tell the time with a Timex?

You happen across a group of riders in the woods. Which one is unlikely to be a STW member:

a. The guy on the single speed Titanium 29er?
b. The guy on the single speed fully-rigid 69er?
c. The guy on the geared 26er with jones bars & a fat bike front wheel?
d. The girl on the trek top fuel?

Blimey, this is tough. How many of them have beards?

Are you over 9 years old and STILL find really long threads about a man having a poo in advance of a medical investigation really, really funny?

Are you outraged by cable that deviates from parallel to a top tube?

Are you over 9 years old and STILL find really long threads about a man having a poo in advance of a medical investigation really, really funny?

That’s not the STW test, that’s the male test.