I’ve just put a 3ft scratch down the side of mine, including right across a window, after driving into the remains of a witch suspended in a cage from a gate post.

Shan’t be telling my insurance company.

I had a massive row with the previous mrs martymac, I decided that was enough, and went to leave the house.
As i lifted tha car keys, she screamed ‘half of that **** car is mine!’
So I jumped in the car and drove it at full speed into the side of the house, wrecking the front wing/headlight/bumper.
When she asked me what the **** i was doing, i told her it was now worth half the amount and she could keep the whole thing.
3 weeks later we split up, she later admitted she had been having an affair for 5 months before that.

Thank goodness the swear filter got all that!

drove out of a carpark with a bike on a rack on my roof. ripped one gutter straight off the car, and broke both wheels on the bike.

the carpark was at the back of my house…..where i parked all the time.
i bought the roof rack the same morning from halfords.
drove home with it in the boot. fitted it, then set off to drive to a triathlon.
i forgot about the height barrier…….. 😐

martymac – Member

I had a massive row with the previous mrs martymac, I decided that was enough, and went to leave the house….Hope you sought the help you needed afterwards!

A black mountain wild pony put a big dint in the side of mine, that was upsetting. The horses limp suggested it came off worse.

When she asked me what the **** i was doing, i told her it was now worth half the amount and she could keep the whole thing.
3 weeks later we split up, she later admitted she had been having an affair for 5 months before that.

Luckily she was having an affair with a body shop mechanic.

Not my car but the wife’s. One evening waaay back I had to rescue my wife as her Renault Clio had broken down. I couldn’t find the towing eye so I wrapped the tow strap around some sturdy looking bits of metal around the front of the car, then to the tow hitch of my Hilux.

My wife had never been on-tow before and so it made for some very herky jerky, sweary going – up to the point where I pulled most of the front off the Clio. Suffice to say she was not amused. (When we got it to the garage it turned out the engine was shot so I was out of the dog house).

Workmate reversed into his garage with tailgate up, it snapped off.

@KM79
It’s only now, more than a decade later that i realise how **** up she was.
Well rid.

Sprayed Muc-Off onto a car I’d been given (Hail Shedric, we will remember) as it had been stored in a damp shed, emerging covered in mould.

Then fell asleep before rinsing it off, resulting in a streaky two tone grey Daewoo Nexia for the next 80,000 miles.

Project, oh no, he was a millionaire.*

*He wasn’t.

Trying to pull up a tree stump with my old Vito van and a chain, I think you can guess the rest. Played hell with Stavro Jnr for not videoing it.

As i lifted tha car keys, she screamed ‘half of that **** car is mine!’
So I jumped in the car and drove it at full speed into the side of the house, wrecking the front wing/headlight/bumper.
When she asked me what the **** i was doing, i told her it was now worth half the amount and she could keep the whole thing.

Brilliant. 😆

Bought a new citroen dispatch. Drove it normally in a sensible fashion, pretty soon there was all sorts of damage to various components.
French tossers.

Years back when working with a mate in London. The week prior he had picked up his new Transit and had a roof rack fitted. The job we were on was some Flashdance of flats in Docklands with under ground parking.

As we drove in in the morning clearance was tight between the roof rack and the metal archway. I hung out the window to check the clearance.

We unloaded all the materials and tools. We left our tools in the site box, jumped in the van and not thinking excited the car park. We got out, but also ripped the back of the van open like a sardine can. Oh, and fubared the metal gate/arch.

That was a tense drive home. Matey wasn’t in the best of moods.

Oh, and recently whilst driving through the outskirts of Milan… Going around a roundabout when the article in front of us, who has taken an exit, slams on the brakes and sticks it in reverse. I panicked, being in his blind spot and done the same. Stuck the van in reverse and went about 1ft before smacking onto the BMW behind us…. He was also in our blind spot.

The Polizia turned up. They were more interested in showing me pictures of Miss Italy than getting my insurance details.

I used to have a Peugeot 106 which I could just get my surf kayak into if I lined it up exactly right. In the fullness of time I went to move up to a bigger more practical (estate) car, trading in the 106. Price greed and everything.

Day before the changeover I managed to put the kayak in *not quite right*, slammed the boot and put a massive crack all the way across the windscreen. Had to sort out a replacement sharpish.

First time I went for a paddle in the new car I didn’t even bother checking, it was so much bigger. Shut the boot, and yes, pushed the kayak out through the windscreen.

I’ve never claimed to be a quick learner.

A few weeks after I bought the Galaxy is was unloading canoes and kayaks from the roof

A helpful mini_oab just undid all the straps holding it all on.
A kayak pivoted off the bars and down the doors – tight enough to ensure the metal recovery strong points on the deck and metal edge of the ratchets did thier work in glasswork and paint.

I used to have a Peugeot 106 which I could just get my surf kayak into if I lined it up exactly right

I had one of them too for my canoe.

Erm that’s a Yaris?!

Still mighty impressive. It’s amazing what you can fit in one of them.

I drive lots of different vehicles. Not one has the same hand brake arrangement.
Parked Vito outside house. Locked up walked into house.
Said hi to Kids and Mrsdts.
Knock on door, alarmed neighbour says “your van has just rolled into my front garden.”
Knackered front wing, knackered fence. P1$$ed off neighbour.
Could have been worse, his car and kids weren’t in the front garden.

Changing the wipers on my Vivaro, I had the arms upright as the wipers were a bit tight to release.

Got them off, leaned over to get the new wiper and caught the wiper arm, which at this state had no wiper on it, with my sleeve sending it smashing into the windscreen cracking it.

The windscreen guy said ” idiots doing this pay me mortgage mate ” 🙄 😀

Or a Canaris?

Pah – that’s not really in that Yaris… just kinda wedged! (Not miffed at all at being canoe-trumped).

Nice work.

Dropped a bike on mine. Don’t drive a couple of hundred miles home from holiday and then unload the roof rack tired before having a cuppa and a sarnie. Made a big dent in the A pillar and various craters in the roof, but insurance sorted it.

The OP has stated “you’ve” but sadly I’ve no stories of damage caused by me..
I have had damage done by someone else, very vindictive damage I may add..

M3 convertible parked outside my old office (14weeks old) and a builder decided he liked the look of it sooooo much that he’d impale a forklift trucks prongs right through the rear quarter panel and drivers door, then lift it off the ground 4ft.
He was a little incensed at a deal made by someone in the same office and he thought the car was owned by him.
Oh how I laughed when I came out of the office to see his smug face disintegrate when I calmly walked up to the car and told him it was mine.
Oddly for the Mets response, they were there in seconds.. he tried to leg it only to be caught by another plod car coming around the corner…
Thankfully the insurance company paid up almost instantly and I bought a 530d sport touring instead..

Aged 19 I in my first proper job I used to take my bosses jag to the petrol station to fill it up as he commuted about 80 miles a day. On a Friday I’d have to run it through the car wash. I didn’t mind because I absolutely loved driving it.
One summer’s day he came to work in his other car, a martini striped BMW 635 CSI Alpina (very cool in the late 80’s). I couldn’t believe my luck when he threw me the keys and asked me to fill her up and wash it ready for the weekend.

I mustn’t have lined it up properly but as the moving parts of the car wash tore into the front wing I realised just how much wider a BMW 635 was than a jag…..

I’m a victim of the bike on the roof in to a metal barrier club 😳
Luckily it was the lads 14″ BSO that was getting replaced the next week. And it was on top of a Xsara Picasso that I didn’t much care for either. Couple of dents and big scratches across the roof, could have been much worse.

Parked in a farm / field car park.

Farmer let’s cows into field. Cows use my T5 as a scratching post. No wing mirrors, boot stove in, nearly every panel scratched and or flat dented.

Farmer was very apologetic and co operative with his insurance with the £3.5k repair bill and hire car for 2 weeks..

Cows use my T5 as a scratching post. No wing mirrors, boot stove in, nearly every panel scratched and or flat dented.

Was it white, were they feeling amorous?

A baboon nibbled the aerial of my then six month old Honda FRV in 2005. The tooth marks were still visible when I sold it 6 weeks ago.

I drove into the back of my own car with someone elses when my wife (driving my car) stopped for no reason at the entry to a completely empty roundabout. *shrugs* I should’ve known.

Back in the 80’s our household had two identical mk1 Caddy pick ups. Our drive has a couple of blind corners on it. I met the other Caddy coming around one such bend, we both took evasive action but still crashed into each other causing identical amounts of damage. Even the insurance assessor had to laugh.

I once crashed my Jag XJ into my Beetle trying to get close enough so that I could jump start the beetle.

I reversed an offshore power boat over my 911…

Year old company car. Parked up outside a friends house and faffed with stuff for a bit.

Went into the house but quickly realised I’d left something in the car. Went back out.

Car gone!

Well it had gone a good 150 yards down the road. Across a junction mounted the kerb, narrowly missing a massive tree, then into some poor woman’s wall, knocked it flat and squashed her plant pots.

That was an interesting call to the boss.

I was reversing a mates car down his drive and opened the door to see where the house corner was.
Big bang and door ripped off its hinges. 😳

Parked my old Mini on a steep hill in the winter on the way to an interview. Got out, locked the door, car slides down the hill on the ice I hadn’t seen into a lamp post. Lovely.