trainee Life Coach

Executive coaching, not life coaching. Not the same thing at all.

What I’m doing has a formal, assessed qualification and is focussed on helping people resolve work problems, whether it’s career choice or specific problems in being effective at work. Often hired and employed by the employer to support a team member, or once I’m more experienced, coaching a whole team to work together more effectively.

And being able to coach other people does not mean you can coach yourself… but i do know STW is normally a pretty good place for helping me to consider alternatives I hadn’t considered myself.

And I think you’re right as it happens, I can’t afford to live in London anymore and it’s not the place I fell in love with aged 18. The massive paycut (c30%) will still leave me better off overall. I never expected to see living in MK as more attractive than London! That’s how much things have changed… 🙂

My chosen career (marketing) has been crap. I’m too motivated by doing things well and being honest and nice to people. As an industry it’s not as nasty as its popular perception but the overall culture is about selling stuff to people in whatever way it can – forget means or the consequences.

Not necessarily so. Its about getting an idea across – that could be ‘buy this’ but there are lots of messages that don’t just try and empty someones pockets:

Arts marketing and audience development is often promoting cultural events that are free to access, theres also stuff like health promotion either within the NHS or the myriad health charities , a big part of many charities work is getting messages across – lobbying government and campaigning for change, reaching out to the vulnerable or needy who can benefit from their services as well as raising funding or sponsorship and so on.

So rather than forgetting the consequences why not just make ‘consequences’ the point of what you do?

Will the buzz of London keep you happy in your rented property when you are 70?

Move

Milton Keynes is a great place to live.
Like all big cities it does have a few areas that aren’t too nice.
But it has excellent communication links, Train to Euston, MK coachway is a major stop for all national express from the North. M1 and A5.

You could survive without a car in MK and just have a bicycle, not many places outside of London you could say that of.

Moving is a big wrench, but moving to MK is not a hurdle.
Loads to do and see, pubs that feel like your local.
Theatre, art gallery, very lively young night scene, young family friendly, it even has an IKEA!!

I can’t afford to live in London anymore and it’s not the place I fell in love with aged 18.

Whilst it is of course true that the cost of accommodation has risen very steeply in the last 10-15 years, London hasn’t changed that much. The same things you fell in love with are still there. I’d say it’s you that has changed, in 24 years, and your hopes, dreams and aspirations have adjusted in line with reality. Maybe things haven’t gone the way you expected them to, but then, you will admit you were perhaps a little naive at 18. But have you taken every opportunity that has come your way? I’ve heard a lot of people moan about their lot, but who have been complacent and expected the world to revolve around them.

If you are going to move, then maybe look at what the new place has to offer, that is unique. If you go expecting things to be the same but better, they probably won’t. MK is full of people who want to live more cheaply than in London, but still need to commute in every day. Are you certain you will be able to find all the work you need in MK? Or will you still need to commute into London? After suffering an early morning train in from Luton one day last year, I vowed never to end up having to do that. I truly question the sanity of those who do that every weekday, for years on end.

This could be the start of a brand new direction and adventure for you. Are you single? No kids? Then you could be in a prime position to do something totally different. Loads of opportunities if you are intelligent and dynamic.

Try it. MK is ok. I work there, live outside it. Only 35mins into Euston, so London’s easy to get to.
You have to make changes or nothing will change. If it doesn’t work out, change again. Most of the best things that have worked out for me in life are from choices I have made flippently and not spent much time getting bogged down thinking about them. Just do it.

I work in MK and not sure if I’d wanna move here but I suppose it’s a lot better than some places to live mostly because of what’s been said above wrt cycling etc. Woburn is just down the road and still my favourite place to ride! I just hate how soulless it feels, and it’s a bit crap for a night out.

I live about 35 miles away in a nice (well nice ish) market town and at the minute don’t mind the drive but after 3 years it is wearing a bit thin. The main thing keeping me there is all my mates I guess. Would love to commute by bike!

As you can see, it’s a real marmite place. Those who like it really like it, those who don’t really don’t. For sure it’s absolutely nothing like anywhere else in the UK.

This ‘soulless’ thing is all about the fact that when you drive around you don’t see anybody. But that’s the point ! Cars have been separated from people and that’s brilliant. It’s safe to cycle and walk anywhere. We have street parties on our road and there’s no need to apply to get it closed for the day. You have to live in MK to benefit from this though, pointless living outside.

Depends what you want from a night out, plenty of top comedy at the Stables, good local bands, great folk music, all sorts of pubs. Can’t tell you about the night clubs, not my thing, but I’m told there’s a thriving singles scene for all tastes…

Can’t comment on the work side of your dilemma as I know nothing of marketing but I have lived in MK all my life. If you stay away from the estates and move to one of the towns (not Bletchley) then you might find it ok. It’s no London and it has no university vibe but you really get used to the space and ease of mobility around the city. Cycle ways around the city are second to none.. Before I changed jobs to Northampton I basically cycled everywhere for about 15 years almost never needing to touch a road.

It’s a small consolation but we do have a cracking little pub/music venue in town (wolverton) the craufurd arms which has bands on 2 or 3 times a week … The wedding present are playing next month. We go all the time to check out different bands and have a good time.

Got a good climbing wall as well with a good bunch of folk… It’s an easy way to meet people and get out of the house for an evening.

Stay clear of central MK though it’s just plain ghastly.

Also pretty decent riding at Woburn plus Phil Corley has a roady cycle club… Apparently. There seem to be shed loads of blokes in Lycra rock up in stony Stratford on a Sunday morning if that’s your scene… So all in all I reckon you could do worse than MK.

I grew up about 10 miles north of MK and after about 15 years elsewhere I’m working there again for most of the week. I can’t comment with any direct experience on living in the city itself except to say that I can certainly understand the fairly widely held view that it is a very well designed place to live. I also agree that there are quite a few decent villages around.

However

sturdylad – Member
…Some great mountain biking to be had too…

Whoa there! This I (and maybe others on this thread) would love to know a bit more about. North of MK I was aware of pretty much nothing at all and if there’s anything even vaguely this way I’d love to try it out. The flat fields are getting me down a bit. Sorry for hijack but I figure a mountain biker thinking of moving to the area might see it as addition rather than hijack!

Typed a big reply about this and it seems to have disappeared…
In summary

Woburn Bike Trails Link
Hours of fun to be had up there, shout if you want to try and sort a ride (I have no connection to WBT btw)
Phil Corley Cycles have a growing club, very friendly look after new folk.
Team Milton Keynes biggest club locally
North Bucks Road Club

Cyclone MTB ride in the woods too, know a few guys and gals that ride with them but don’t know anything about the club!

Also Reservoir Goats MTB club, plus some lunatics on fat bikes that are v friendly.

Oh, come off it. Great mountain biking is one thing you most certainly won’t find there.

(Lived in Bedford for a couple of years BTW – pleasant enough in some ways but bloody boring if you like hills)

Brooess, have you ever considered taking some time out, travelling a bit maybe, or doing some voluntary work and looking at your focus on life? I say that because you seem, from posts on here at least, to be fixated on economic and financial trends which in truth you have no real control over – you do seem, for example, to overanalyse the London property market to an alarming extent and one that doesn’t really help you.

What I mean is that even if it’s all being orchestrated by an alien life force, the consequences are simply that you can’t afford to live there in the manner you wish to. But you don’t seem to get past that. Similarly you appear to dislike your job and pretty much every company you work for, but don’t seem to be open to doing something else in an area which might suit you better – sorry, massive generalisation based solely on forum postings.

You moved up north for a bit, right? But your problems mostly moved with you, so you moved back down south. Anyway, I don’t mean that in a critical way, but one of the pluses of not owning somewhere is that you may have the potential to step back a little and so something completely different. Stop worrying about your retirement – how old are you? – and property prices and mortgage rates and see what else might matter and make you happy.

Have you, I wonder, ever considered seeing a life coach? Because what you’re doing doesn’t seem to be making you happy, but you seem reluctant to really change it.

ps: all written from the point of view of a native Londoner, who was alienated by the concrete and the prices – this was years ago, nothing’s entirely new – moved up north, felt stuck in a rut, binned it all and went off to South America for a year, and went from there,

All of those talking about there not being amazing biking near MK, you do realise he lives in London at the moment?

Depends on your expectations I guess, if you see mountain biking as only throwing yourself up, down, or off the side of a mountain then no, MK and the surrounding area isn’t for you.
If you’re are one of the majority of mountain bikers who aren’t super heroes and like some good solid trails, tricky single track, easily accessible then seriously take a good look at Woburn.

It’s not far off Cannock I would say, not as long, not as well marked out possibly but in terms of the terrain very similar.

Let’s not forget the OP is thinking of moving out of London, not the Alps…

Do it. I worked in MK for 7 years. It’s not that bad. The surrounding area is nice. Rail links to London are very good indeed, Cambridge is not far away.

This.

The Chilterns are a stones throw and Woburn is literally just down the road. It’s also a very bike-friendly town (city?) with everything you need, and is surprisingly easy to get around once you get a few landmarks sorted out.

View it as a short-term experiment. Plenty commute into London from there in the worst case scenario.

Seriously?
You are worried about working in marketing because you have just realised after 20 years that it is “selling shit to people that they don’t want”?
Second option in then going into banking … erm, oh the irony …

However , re MK. I lived there on and off for 20 so years. Forget the shit you hear about it, that is generally from people who have never been there / lived there.

Pros
Housing is cheap for the SE
Facilities are good – shopping/ sports centres/ getting about
London in 35 mins away by train
Easy access to the Chilterns and Cotswolds
Nice villages, with good schools
Loads to do
Not a bad nightlife etc
Restaurant culture – based around chains but suits most tastes
The Brickhills / Woburn Woods
Roundabout surfing on a motorbike

Cons
No real heart/cultural centre
It’s not London – but having driven through Wembley on Monday, given me MK anyday
Some of the original estates are becoming run down.
The well manicured road ways are no longer so … I guess the council is running out of money…
It’s getting much bigger than it was
Bletchley has nice areas – but I never liked it. Too much far right East London over-spill genes still around.

Thanks BadlyWiredDog – some useful observations there… I’m aware of all of it, but still very useful to see it in writing… amazing what you can pick up about people from STW over time!
I’m in a bit of a trap in terms of being very good at what I do, when the circumstances are right, but they’re rarely right. I’ve been contracting for 4 years which was much better, but I’m struggling to find another contract.

I’ve kind of been being coached by a friend of mine for 12 years now. He points out as per Mr Moofo that if I was expecting to find fulfilment in financial services marketing then I was probably mistaken 🙂 If I get the job in MK it’ll be a new sector and one which is much more meaningful, which will be a big change for me.

I love my coaching work, it comes naturally to want to help people and my clients’ feedback is positive. The financials are uncertain on that though. My plan is to continue coaching at evenings and weekends to get a better feel for the ££ and then hopefully go 100%

Some useful insights though – thank you

Can’t really comment on the MK thing as I don’t know the area….but as you’re looking to make a move, I’d echo some of the comments above and say why not look even further afield….property prices/lifestyle/jobs are all much better further north and if you’ve got the flexibility, then why not?

Anyway, much more my bag is Coaching, so I will comment on that!

I’m 50 this year (where did it go?!) and made a huge life changing decision in my late thirties to give up a successful blue-chip career (I was a Director of a division of a global co) and work for myself. My children were small, my mortgage was big but…..my career, although seemingly glittering had actually caused me some damage – I had been involved in some major restructuring/redundancy programmes and a lot of of pressure, leading to a long period of illness…quite serious depression (which I’ve talked about on here before). Re-invention was born out of necessity and I managed to get a grip of myself enough to realise that and start again…..

I positioned myself as an independent consultant specialising in sales & marketing in tech, which is where I had come from, and won some work pretty much straight away through my existing contacts. Over the next few years, being open minded about the work I took on and stretching myself by getting involved in things I initially know little about (but was prepared to learn and feel a bit uncomfortable at times!) I put myself about a bit and started to build much more extensive networks, eventually doing work for Universities, Govt departments, volunteering with the Princes Trust, etc, etc….now finding myself “specialising” in working with coaching networks and service providers in a programme management capacity.

Coaching is an interesting market – at one end you have practical advice, based on your direct experience, to help guide your clients to a better place…at the other end you have “generic” coaching approaches that don’t rely on your experience but rely on the deployment of tools and techniques to help the client. The latter approach is where the accreditation and training mentioned above fit in but in my experience clients (usually business owner/managers) get much more from working with someone who has “been there and done it” – so has experienced something of what they themselves are going through – this could be something to do with market, functional or other business experience, maybe from another sector or business type, but that at least give a platform for some empathy and connection.

So, if you are serious about coaching, look for clients that have the fit above and where you have some specific experience that “fits”….this is against the wisdom put out there by the coaching accreditation people (why would they say otherwise) but is definitely where happy client relationships lie!!

In my (limited) experience, it is possible to make big changes to your life that work for the better…..in my case, the move away from corporate life gave me a better lifestyle, more time, has seen me doing things that I enjoy much more, working with people I enjoy being with and has given me enough income to still find myself mortgage free and even owning some buy to let properties, probably because I live “ooop north”!!!

Embrace the change and be open to new possibilities, and go live somewhere cheap….. 😕

Bloody hell, now I’ve pressed ‘enter” I realise how long that post is….sorry! 😳

Woburn, Chicksands and Aston Hill are all within 30 min of MK. The Cotswolds and Chilterns are nearby. Also the M1 is on your doorstep. You can be in the South Peak district in less than 2 hours. Compared to London it’s a fantastic place for a mountain biker.

I should point out I’m no longer a mountain biker – 3 broken bones since 2007, two needing pins and plates (1x scapula, 1x clavicle and 1x wrist), with about 4 of those years mainly riding road that’s not a great record!… I’ve now gone full stiffback roadie. The savings in time and money are immense! The fitness is also a lot better.

MK looks pretty good, although I may have to head down to the Chilterns to get some hills in. I like hills 🙂 I’ll join one of the clubs…

Totally top roadie stuff here.

North Bucks Road club: traditional
Team MK: modern
Phil Corley: blimmin fast !

Cambridge is not far away.

Yep. that hotbed of extreme enduro MTB riding 😉

I may have to head down to the Chilterns to get some hills in. I like hills I’ll join one of the clubs…

Move to the Chilterns. It’s minutes by car from the southern edge of MK, or a decent commute by bike.

Aylesbury isn’t too expensive, or if you base yourself in somewhere like Aston Clinton you can be on the hills without paying the excess required for Tring, Wendover or Berkhamstead because of their rail links.

Dunstable is a bit of a hole, but it’s on the M1 and surrounded by lovely countryside.

Or move to Chesham, which while being less ‘pleasant’ then other smaller local towns, is zone 9 (seriously) of the tube.

It sounds like you should go for the job in MK from what you say, it’s already been said there’s no point in going for 12 month contract, just move on if you don’t like it.

MK is OK to live in, I’ve got 2 cousins that were brought up there and continued to live there despite the parents now moving away to Lincolnshire. I visited for a while as a kid and have popped by once or twice since. There are clearly things to do and the cycle facilities really are good for families/transport cycling.

You can still visit London from there quite easily, as you’ve said.

Move to the Chilterns

If you’ve the money, Berkhamsted is the place. About 4 MTB clubs I believe !