Prostate Tales sounds like the worst saturday morning cartoon ever.
It is!
The team are all matter of fact. The registrar/consultant had a firm approach to the manual prostate check. He was cleaning his hands before I had got my trousers back on!
The houseman in Urology was a very pleasant looking young lady of Asian descent ably assisted by two long-term nursing women. Face the wall Sandwich we’re just going to insert the long ultrasound probe where the sun don’t shine. Now the anaesthetic. This is the sound the biopsy needle makes as it does it’s thing (industrial upholstery staple gun type noise). We’ll just take the 12 samples, no.6 went into a bit with all the pain receptors still firing.
All done and sit up. Leak blood from your maps eye!! OMFG what are those hideous things (net underwear, disposable) and the largest sanitary pad I have ever seen, no wings mind (I felt cheated). Just wear this for the next 6 hours. I didn’t feel like sky-diving or roller-skating with my new fashion garb.
Don’t forget to take the antibiotics to stop infections we have just perforated your rectum 12 times which is not the cleanest part of you. You’ll also pass blood in both urine and ejaculate for up to 6 weeks (strawberry shake anyone?).
By comparison the snip was a doddle.
I have to go back for another biopsy soon this one is under general and involves a big needle through the taint (perineum) with your legs in stirrups (yeehaw, ride ’em cowboy). I get to have a week off work to recover too. Lucky me.