One of my friends has got a crush on a girl who's second name is 'Mycock'

He met her at a woodworking class.

I'm a bit slow but I'm sure there must be some good puns here… can anyone help?

She'll already have got her hands on his wood then 😉

Imagine my surprise when I noticed one of the girls in woodworking class had mycock in a vice.

In woodworking class, I often dreamt of manhandling mycock

🙂

Feeling brave one day he tried to give mycock a kiss! 😯

Stop looking at mycock and get on with you're work!

Oh god he's talking to mycock again!

(must stop now, brain overload!)

something involving splinters

Drilling? Shaving? Hammering? Nailing? Polishing? Rubbing? the possiblities are almost endless!

Reaming?

Shavings?

Polishing?

French Polishing surely (thinks about the famous Julie Walters 'polishing' scene in Personal Services). 🙂

Mycock – isn't there a porn star called Phil Mycock? (He says, pretending he isn't sure and hasn't actually seen a production with him starring in it).

id go for the not obvious myself

something about a male chicken?

French polishers?

oddly enough, I saw the chap in this just the other day!

And screwing, obviously.

I remember when cordless drill drivers where quite the new thing, working with a crew of gallery technicians. The chief tech, the lovely Jeanette, lamented that the problem with cordless screwdrivers was that the gallery could only afford one, and therefore "one person ends up doing all the screwing while everyone else just stands round and watches"

He grasped his own wood tightly and then made a grab for Mycock.

Skidartist…in a similar vein, was working in Halfords 20 odd yrs ago (6th form job) when a right minging drunk bird came in at lunchtime on Xmas eve, obviously sourcing the husbands pressie after her office party, she had a cordless screwdriver in her hand and asked me "will this screw anything"…my reply "no it has some limits" was lost on her!

Skidartist…in a similar vein….Part 2!

Some years back in the bike industry, I was at a product launch where a US head honcho had come over to show the UK bike industry the new ragne of accessories.

US Head Honcho (HH) – "we're really proud of our new range of fannies this year"
UK Bike Industry (BI) – sniggers….
HH – "We've got a small fanny, a medium fanny, a large fanny and.."
BI – struggling to stifle the laughter…
HH – "New for this year, a really great, extra large expandable fanny!"

BI – Tears, falling over laughing.

HH – "What did I say?"

mycock needed help with shaving before a really tight screw into a female joint

The screw hole was a bit tight so Mycock reamed a few thou out

mortice and tenon, aye? aye? know what I mean aye?

Rubbed Butt Joints aye?

Flash, its just as easy to make americans snigger, I know someone who went to the states and took a liking to a brand cigarettes with licorice papers. Waiting in the car while his american cousin nipped into a shop he shouted out the window after her "Get me some of those nice black fags".

10 out of 10 for the wood, but Mycocks staining is just amateur.

Skidartist, try also asking an American if you can bum a fag off them…! Or, of course, "Would you like to come outside and share a fag with me? Don't worry, I don't bumsuck"

🙂

An american who i lived with in first year at uni looked horrified when I told him I was "going outside to smoke a fag".

An american who i lived with in first year at uni looked horrified when I told him I was "going outside to smoke a fag"

Reminds me of the old Mike Harding sketch about being in America and talking about losing cherries, using rubbers etc…