I'm a police officer, and although as a kid I used to come home with black eyes every now and again, and even gave a few too, and just treated it as part of growing up, I'm afraid that times have changed since most of us were kids. The lack of discretion that we operate under means that if your son lamped the bully - and I'm not saying for a second that he doesn't deserve it - if the lads parents went to the police, your son would be arrested and interviewed, presuming he's 11 or older. And I've seen it happen, as the people who cause the most trouble seem to always be the ones that come bleating to the police should someone cross them. But, like it or not, that's modern policing for you. Still, I'd contact your local station and see if the school in question has an attached police officer, and speak it through with them. Our schools officer is as had as nails and has more authority than all of the teachers put together. And definitely recommend martial arts or boxing for the confidence.
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Should my son hit the school bully?
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Posted 2 years ago #
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Are this kid's parents not interested in how he's behaving at school? Has no-one spoken to them about it?
Posted 2 years ago # -
Never really been the target of bulling when younger. But my dad always said to deal with it the only way they understand - With fists.
When I did get into a bit of bother I used his words. Got into a fight with the bully and took him and his mate out. Got a kicking from a few of his other followers - and for that my dad grounded me for "losing the fight"
That said - whole group of "hard lads" that were giving out the grief gave me alot more respect from that point on and I was never bullied again.
We live in a far too PC world - some people just need a good punch as talking/councelling etc is just a waste of time and money
ps - bring back throwing board rubbers and rulers at kids in class - it alway got our attention when one flew passed your ear!
Posted 2 years ago # -
His mother gets briefed every day at the school gates by the teacher to be told of all the naughty things her son has done. Not sure if she does anything about it though and if so what she actually would do!
TenMen- you are so right about the bleating. That is what this kid does all the time, as soon as anyone does anything to him he immediately run to the teachers and grasses everyone else up and the teachers seem happier then telling the other kids off because at least they listen.....
Also the authority from the teachers seems to be lacking. My husband had a meeting today with the mum, bully and head teacher and thought the kid looked scared when meeting with him. (My husband is a big bloke and can look quite stern and scary when he wants to) maybe that would have send submininal signal to the child to back off. You can only hope!
Posted 2 years ago # -
If it's physical violence go to the police so there's a record, sign your kid up for judo and teach him what he can do in legitmate self defence. If it's taunts, he needs a lesson in life.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Its easy to be all grown up and offer the politically correct method of dealing with your boys problem - sadly the school bully isn’t grown up.
The only long term solution is for your boy to swap punches with his school problem. Either with his fists and feet … or if the nuisance kid is too well developed for that - something close at hand can be helpful, a rugby boot around the side of the head did wonders for my problem solving at school.
What I remember from my school days was. The kid who was too scared to swap punches got into a lot more fights than somebody who was only too willing to tuck his chin and swing away. Everybody seemed to want to pick a fight on somebody who wouldn`t fight back…
Posted 2 years ago # -
hopefully the whole meeting scenario may illustrate how serious the situation actually is to this kid and his mother...
Posted 2 years ago # -
Back in the day when I was a lad I was being bullied. So I introduced his head to wall at high speed. Never had any problems after that.
Few years ago at work I was being bullied / threatened by three managers - the senior manager recruited people as nasty as she was. Much as I would have liked to have done the same with their heads and a wall I got it out in the open, put it in writing, got the backing of the union and they backed off. Helped that there were a LOT of us in the same position.
Unfortunately today I think you'll have to gather evidence, put it in writing, escalate and then go down the legal route. Do not let the school off in any way.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Make all your concerns written down.
As we've learnt the hard way, cock all happens when you verbally complain.
In the meantime explain to him that the bully is lacking something (normally self esteem) that is causing his behaviour.
If nothing happens; formal complaint to govenors and LEA. THEN get your son to deck him if nowt happens.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Police do **** all around here. A 16 year old lad was going to hit a 4 year old until my boyfriend's 12 year old neice intervened, so he hit her instead. Police were contacted but did nothing. Her brother ended up having to sort him out.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Happened to me once in school my dad told me to hit him
I did say he will bet me up he said so is he not doing that already.Following week he done the same so I hit him and it got broken up
he gave all the threats etc.
Dad told me to hit him first so shit myself see him the following day
and I smiled and knocked him out.
Taught my Daughter a few moves and its worked for her.So yes hit the shit
To be honest very suprised you have not stepped in. I know if my Daughter
told me that I would of had the T-wat/shit hanging over the school fence
then bash the father.Posted 2 years ago # -
He's going to have to do it to some bully sooner or later.
Let him know the boundaries ie no whacking on the floor, no blows below the belt etc.
It may do them both good.Posted 2 years ago # -
I was kicked nearly unconscious by one of the school bullies in an unprovoked attack when i was about 15.
The lad was a neighbour who i had known all my life so was all the more unexpected!
I now work "babysitting" circa 200 men in the construction industry and only 3 weeks ago as one of them is threatening to "kick my f£$%^ing head in" because i had the audacity to enquire as to why he was smoking and on his phone when he should be working, i was the picture of restraint (despite my instinct to lump him first).My point?
use restraint and make sure you are protected by due process......... and then when there are no witnesses........ let him have some!
Despite the rights and wrongs expressed by the liberal element of society (especially on here).... It is the ONLY thing the bully will relate to and subsequently respect.
As for me, how will i react if i see my bully again?....... even after 30 years he'll be on his arse before any pleasantries can be exchanged........ and he would be expecting it!
Posted 2 years ago # -
I got bullied at school until the day that they pushed me too far,
Yep, me too. I am and always was a bit of a pacifist. I hate voilence. But when you've had the name calling for months and years, cried yourself to sleep and dreaded going to school each morning, eventually you snap. I let the other lad, who was bigger than me, throw the first punch, then I kicked 7 bells of living siht out him. I discovered I fight dirty. When the teacher dragged us apart I was bashing his head against a tiled wall with my thumbs in his eyes. I'm not proud if it but I had no other choice
Take it from me, if you're being bullied by a group, you only need to take on of them out and the rest of them leave you alone foreverPosted 2 years ago # -
An ex of mines daughter was being bullied in school. Aged 8 and she was scared to go to school FFS. I told her to punch the girl in the face, told her she will get in trouble in school but not with us. Showed her how to make a fist as she was putting her thumb inside her clenched hand. She then spent the next couple of days punching my hands.
A couple of days later a call from the school because she had clattered the bully. No more bullying and she has never punched anyone else, she is 19 now.
If you are dealing with a 15yr old then there is always the chance it could go wrong fighting the bully but my advice to the OP is get your boy to smack the bully.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Yes (I'm afraid).
Speaking from personal experience, having been bullied a lot as a child (NHS specs, ginger, much smaller than average, punched kicked and spat on, clothes ripped etc), get them to do self defence, teach them how to headbutt to the nose, to gouge eyes with thumbs, elbow to the nose, and to punch in the throat and to kick in the groin, run their foot hard down the front of the shin also get them decent foot wear.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Find out where the bully lives then go round and knock his dad out.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Do they play football or rugby in that school? If so, its studs up time.
Posted 2 years ago # -
In my day I moved school alot (military) and my father & me studied martial arts and he advocated the 'first response' type self defence. Needless to say I got in alot of trouble over the years until I finally bucked my ideas up at uni. I'm pretty mild mannered and not a single incident was provoked (by me). I'd suggest you think about what you might be teaching your son,5 years later he might be in a cell.
That said, send him to martial arts lessons (I teach now btw) kids love it, great for confidence & tiring them out and often cheaper than a baby sitter.....
If he absolutely has to teach the guy a lesson, I'd suggest out of sight of everyone so there is just the two of them so his word vs the bully. Go for all out to cause maximum pain with minimal visible injury. Submissions are great for this but will obviously take your son a while to get compentant, so a strong knee to the nuts would probabtly do it. Followed by stamping on them again when he is on the ground.
Another thought - you approached the bullies parents?
Posted 2 years ago # -
When I was a kid (about 9 maybe) there was one boy who used to go around kicking everyone in the playground.
My Dad said "Next time he does it to you grab his leg so he's off balance then let go and punch him on the nose as hard as you can."
So I did.
There was blood everywhere. I can't remember there being any punishment from the school and he never kicked me again.
If the bullying is physical and by an individual a direct approach will work if it's by a group and more 'psychological' then I'd get the school involved.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I went to a reasonably good school, but our year was terrible for alcohol, violence, and general nasty behaviour. Nearly killed a teacher with the worlds biggest water bomb, broke into school and set off fire alarms when the then deputy prime minister was at speach day, alcoholics annonomous had special mornings due to the drunkeness at school etc, so you get the idea.
Unfortunatly I am a ginger, and at the time was short and fat , unfit and generally weedy. At secondary school there was a heirarchy of bullying, in that pretty much everyone had there place in the pecking order. The lower down the food chain you were, the more you got bullied. I was somewhere near the bottom, I didnt live locally , so didnt come from the same feeder school as most. There were regular fights ,on pretty much a daily basis with people ranging from getting thumped once, up to and a one off incident of someone going out through a window which was closed.
The fights were the way the pecking order of bulllyingand being bullied were decided or organised and most people knew where they stood. Teachers did nothing and alot were bullied intensly by the students. To a hideous abusive level, condoms full of spit launched at blackboards when the teacher ( female ) was writing on it sort of thing. Some teachers you didint mess with, or a blackboard wiper would be launched at your head.Unfortunatly now the teachers cannot throw things at you , but I believe the bullying still goes on , maybe not as intensively as the school I went to, but more than likely there will be a heirarchy of violence . Its a shame but it my sisters twinss , also gingers, were introduced to martial arts aged 7 because they will be going to a comprehensive school in Croydon, and they will be picked on .
If little NDT hits back he will probably be a hero , as long as he is seen as a victor. He probably will not be picked on again, the problem might be one of escalating violence. I know they are are children but if bully takes a pasting then he might want to try ot even up the score at a later date to redress the balance and regain his place at the top of the pecking order. If little NDT can take him out in a game of rugby , or really clatter him in football, studs up his arse on a cold winter day should do , and makes sure bully #1 knows he means it, and theres more on offer if he wants then definatly do it.
disclaimer.-not a parent , not my child scared of school, but often on the receiving end of verbal and physical violence. I will not ever go to a school reunion, and only keep in vague contact with 1 lad from school, who got massive abuse as his mum was a soppy teacher.Posted 2 years ago # -
Also I wouldn't tell him to punch him on the nose... headshots are generally alot easier to avoid, cause visible marking and often arent that painful. He will also hurt his hand (and maybe break it) if he connects.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Get your son to put him on his arse.
"Look at this wee dick's shite haircut. Ha ha ha"
That made me piss my sides. Nice one BB
Posted 2 years ago # -
I'd want to discuss this with the school and escalate if I didn't get a positive response.
I'd also recommend the martials arts route, a good full contact Chinese Kung Fu style. Not really because it will teach your boy how to flatten the bully, which it will, more so as it will give him confidence to shrug it off, physically and mentally. I was badly bullied at school and so did a lot of martial arts, there were a couple of times I just flattened the bullies, but the rest of the time i just parried the blows and carried on with my day.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I've not read the whole posting. However from personal experience (well coaching school football) I found that if a 'good' child retaliated against a bully especially a known one, then that child took the full force of the schools diciplinary actions.
Basically the bully is expected to behave that way and gets away with it i.e gets taken off by his personal assistant to his special room where his nurse administers his drugs.
The good kid i.e your lad is not expected to behave that way.
Generalising here, but I have seen that.Posted 2 years ago # -
I was bullied at school and I never hit the bullies back. I had judo as self defence and I ran away.
I am unconvinced about the hitting back - it might work but it might rebound badly.
I really would encourage you to try further down the complaining to the school route - in writing and formally.
Posted 2 years ago # -
**** the little shit - several times - bullies are insecure cowards and deserve to get a pasting - It'll do the world & the bully a favour
Posted 2 years ago # -
Punch his lights out.
School will prob ask you to come in and ask if everything is alight at home etc.
Posted 2 years ago # -
If your son want's to hit him, make sure he knows you'll back him all the way. My son was getting pushed around by an older boy - he fought back. I came home from work to be told about the incident - my reaction - Well done son - told him he would never be in trouble from me for sticking up for himself. I don't condone violence - but sometimes it's an unfortunate necessity.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I'm always fascinated to hear people's response to bullying in school, particularly the "school's done nuffin'" response. What would you like the school to do? As a teacher it is infuriating that we can't do anything.
We can't exclude or expel except in the most severe of incidents and even then the gobshite kids are always back in on appeal a week later. We can't withdraw from lessons, remove freedoms over any extended period. Schools are effectively powerless against bullying except to give them the biggest letting off of their lives. For goodness sake, we can't even yell at them anymore!
I'll bet most of the staff in that school know the bully's an odious little tit but their hands are tied. Every child matters, my hoop...
...and breathe....
Posted 2 years ago # -
ooops, swear filter...
Posted 2 years ago # -
I am now going to contradict myself, while I don't condone violence it seems that the school are failing in their duty to bring this Bully back into line, the same thing has happened to me when I was in school and the problem escalated to outside school and my journeys to and from school on the bus, this bully who was making my life a misery even got his friend who went to another school to start on me, nothing got done about them, so one day as this bully went to get off he hit me, having had my fill I pounced on him and battered him, he didn't get the bus after that and his friend gave me a wide berth. Get your son to smash his face in, reckon a taste of his own medicine will do the trick. By the way is the bullies dad bigger than you!
Posted 2 years ago # -
Like a few on hear, I was bullied at school. My parents tried the offical route, the school did nothing (this was back when kids were still getting the slipper/cane). I took matters into my own hands and decided that if I didn't fight back, I was going home with a fat lip so what did I have to loose? Looking back on it, I still think I did exactly the right thing. There was no other option that was working. My only mistake was that I fought the guy who was bullying me. Once I'd decked him, the next in the pecking order had a pop. I@d worked my way up to second hardest in the school by the time we moved away and I was always waiting for the guy in the number one spot to come along and have a pop. In hindsight, I should have fronted up to him on day one and saved a lot of fighting.
Maybe the fact that I was in some inbred backwater welsh mining village at the time means they were playing by different rules but I think the principles still stand.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Escalation of violence can happen, as I found out.
We used to have a bloke at school who was a bit of a bully. Didn't really bully me, as I was a lot bigger than most people in my year, but he used to make certain people's lives a misery.
He got a bit carried away on the rugby pitch one day and raked me with his studs. No problem, all sorted out later when he tried to continue outside the changing rooms.
20 years later I pole up at a school reunion and this bloke offers me outside to pay me back for this incident, which I'd completely forgotten about.
I pointed out to him that I kicked his arse 20 years before, and did he really think I wouldn't be able to do it again, especially as he'd put on about 5 stone and was a little bit on the fat and wheezy side!
So I would day, yes. Tell your son to hit the bully back, but be careful at any school reunions in the future!
Posted 2 years ago # -
I've read a good few of these posts, but not all. I was thinking about bullying yesterday funnily enough. Seems like we live in a country where meaness is endemic. You only have to observe the way the public vote on reality TV shows to see this. What a bunch of saddos!!!
School is probably the worst place for bullying (though the workplace comes a close second). The thing to consider is that children are in the early stages of developing their social skills. Many haven't yet worked out what they have to loose, some have, but know they are below the age of legal responsibility. With young people, the situation is like shifting sands and blame can sometimes be apportioned to both sides. The hope is that this behaviour can be positively shaped at this stage. It requires skillful mentoring for both parties.
I certainly was on the receiving end of quite a bit of bullying at school and even after my parents intervened (against my will - my fear was it would make things worse - it did!). The upshot of the parental intervention was that I was treated like I was 50% to blame. The bully continued, so I eventually gave him a taste of his own medicine (without actually laying a finger on him). It obviously worked because his parents then went to see the head after listening to their son's croccodile tears. Of course, I then became the bully! So you can't really win.
Some 35 years later I still wonder why some individuals feel compelled to make other people's lives such a misery. Is it their insecurity, their uber-negative emotions, their coping stategy for life (they have been badly abused by the people who are supposed to care for them the most). I make no excuses for these sad people because they damage everyone around them. They can seriously affect normal people to the point where they become like them. Like a cancer I suppose.
In school age children who have very little life experience, I can only put this bad behaviour down to weak parenting and lack of effort on the part of those charged with their care. Parents should sign a contract with a school saying that they will support them. If they don't, their children should run the risk of permanent exclusion. Harsh, but fair!
To understand what is happening with a 9 year old bully, you need to consult the parents. You will probably get a defensive reaction, maybe even some abuse, or perhaps they will be the kind of slimey idots who will charm their way out of the situation and go to any length to twist things around. Either way, you'll know better what you are up against, but will have flagged that there is a problem which will invade their space and disrupt their free time if the bully continues.
So my advice is go and talk to the parents of the bully. Perhaps when things get this close to home, the bully will wind it's neck in!
Posted 2 years ago #
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