I’ve recently split up with my gf of 2 years

I’ll try and make this as short as possible

We were living together, things going great, mother in law stayed for a long time, tried to split us up and although she didn’t, I think she did enough damage to wonder if my gf was sticking up for me enough. Her mother would just be constantly having a go at me and the gf didn’t seem to do much to defend me. However it turned out later on that they were fighting like cat and dog about me when I wasn’t around.

The next little issue was a guy at her work who was sniffing around. She is a very confident, friendly bubbly character, and a lot of guys get the wrong impression. Anyway, I think some mild flirting was going on, but as soon as I voiced my concerns it stopped. I have always trusted her and she tells me everything, good and bad, not just what I want to hear. No cheating was going on.

But like a knob, I went inside myself a little which I tend to do, and ended up being quite distant with her. I’m not confident and things get on top of me. I turned to the internet and started chatting to girls online. Gf found out, went nuts, and ended up leaving after about a month.

Now we both miss each other like hell, and both still love each other. I think about her all day, and according to her she does too. Realised we didn’t treat each other well, and realised we made mistakes that won’t be repeated. She’s been moving around staying with various friends.

I’m thinking we should try again, take things slowly and try some dates etc

Is it salvagable, worth saving, or is it opening another world of pain?

Is it better to bury my head in the sand and go through being miserable for a year or so, before I get over it, or do you think things can get back to how they were?

Of course it is salvageable…but you both need to talk and sort it out.

Get of the Internet and get on the phone to arrange a time to chat with her!

yes

As Dick says, you shouldn’t be asking for advice on that. You either want her back and need to work on it giving it a trial period or don’t bother but you will need to spend some serious time talking about all the issues you’ve posted on here I would suggest.

started chatting to girls online

There are boys here as well. I know it doesn’t seem like it.

it is if you are both willing tp work at it..you are you can find out if she is

Sorry to be cynical, but really?

Asking on a middle aged, middle class mountain bike forum for advice to help you make a decision about your love life?

Grow some bollocks, make up your mind, do what you think is best.

Now we both miss each other like hell, and both still love each other. I think about her all day, and according to her she does too. Realised we didn’t treat each other well, and realised we made mistakes that won’t be repeated. She’s been moving around staying with various friends.

I’m thinking we should try again, take things slowly and try some dates etc

Is it salvagable, worth saving, or is it opening another world of pain?

yes its salvagable if you both want to. Professional help may be useful indeed – try relate

+1 Crikey,

Not quite middle aged just yet (nearly O_o) but I don’t think this is the right forum to be asking relationship advice!!!!!

I kind of agree with bellend crikey (I presume you are on the sauce tonight? Best switch your pc off, only some of us can handle it), not sure what you are asking or why here, if you both want it to work then try it…but it won’t be easy.

get a mate to drive over her mum a few times.

Interfering gits aint they, mother in laws..

I kind of agree with bellend crikey (I presume you are on the sauce tonight?

You’re my best mate you are.

Interfering gits aint they, mother in laws.

Not mine , the wife told her to do one 20 years ago 😆 .

OP , if you both still have strong feelings for each other then get her phoned up and get together and talk (not snog/touch ect) about what you both expect from the relationship.

Good luck.

+1 crikey, lashed or not.

You haven’t learned your internet lesson, just swapped chatting to ‘girls’ for middle aged middle england bike geeks.

The problem is not you and her, it is YOU and your head. We all have demons and you are going to have to face them.
Some sock pulling required.
You f*****d it up, its not the end of the world and you can sort it out. Just take a deep breath when you wake up tomorrow, face the world positively and take some action.

Google – top tips for positive mental attitude, and its all possible fella.

Just talk, preferably not on here, some things are best krpt private.

Go and have a chat with her and start by stating the uncomfortable truth: You’ve been a bit of a dick. We’ve all been there. But at least you realised you’re ****ed up while there’s still a chance to do something about it

But a bit of self-realisation and humility isn’t a bad thing. And the female of the species tends to be a lot better at this ’emotion’ stuff than us, and as a result tend to be a bit more understanding.

GO AND GET IT SORTED!!

Oh… and good luck!

sugdenr – Member
Some sock pulling required.

Sorry I misread that the first time around, yes “sock”…

Go see her and take some flowers as a token, if she likes that sort of thing, while you explain/apologise. Good luck

Get back in there immediately. If it was something important, then it’s worth doing some grovelling to get it back. Sort it out, man!

You don’t live near Woody do you? He’s just turned down one that sounds better than yours.

You’ve asked her to stop flirting demonstarting your lack of confidence in her. she goes nuts when you flirt. Insecurity, suspicion and jealousy; not the best ingredients for a harmonious relationship.

Is it better to bury my head in the sand and go through being miserable for a year or so, before I get over it…

This, definitely this. With any luck you’ll never get over her, you’ll constantly rue the one that got away, agonise over the time you hid from her in Tescos, move to a far off land to try and forget her, stalk her via social media, plaster your walls with images of her taken with a long distance lens, until aged 50 having not had a relationship with anyone since you…

Can someone finish this for me?

If you do end up back together, tell the mother-in-law to ***k off. If she makes one peep while living with you, pack her bags and throw her out the front door. Sorted.

I think about her all day, and according to her she does too.

Ditch her for someone who isn’t self centred!

If the factors that caused the split were external and not down to a fundamental difference of opinion then yes, salvaging it is possible.

If you don’t try, you’ll always wonder what would have been and will kick yourself forever after. If it goes well, learn from it and set up some groundrules to prevent the issues from re-occurring.

Someone who’s naturally flirty herself left you because you were “chatting” to girls? Either you’re being economical with the truth in your OP or there’s something else going on.

Honest advice? If it’s going to work, you need to chill out. Let her flirt, if that’s the way she is. Where’s the harm if you trust her?

Cougar – you left out the word ‘online’.

It’s ALWAYS salvageable. Always. You are grown-ups, get talking.

Now we both miss each other like hell, and both still love each other

Then why the jeff would you not be together? Life is just too short!

I turned to the internet and started chatting to girls online.

Someone I worked with, her husband started doing this.

Only she found out after he’d f—ed several of them just after the arrival of the first child.

They’re still married.

I also have to ask – Mother in law staying with you? Seriously? WTF were you thinking? There’s only one way that’s ever going to go

Asking on a middle aged, middle class mountain bike forum

I wondered why I don’t fit in.