So this weekend I realised I have a problem with binge drinking. To the point where it is affecting my family life.

I am unable to go to the pub for “just one beer”. The moment I start drinking I can’t stop. I also cannot handle the hangovers anymore. The end result is my wife worrying herself silly because I’m not home yet, thinking I’ve been hit by a car or something. The children having to see daddy puking up in the morning, or not taking them to weekend activities etc. and me hugely annoyed at myself for p1$$ing off the wife, disappointing the children and wasting a day that I could do something fun.

For several years I’ve been really envious of people who are tee-total through choice (i.e. people who just don’t drink, rather than recovering alcoholics). I’ve tried finding non-alcoholic drinks that I like, but no luck.

After going for “just one pint” on Friday and getting in a 3:40am I realised I do have a problem.

I cannot see myself having the willpower to do moderate drinking, so I’ve concluded I need to go tee-total. I did the same with weed which I became hopelessly addicted to during uni. I just stopped. But with alcohol I am worried that it will not be so easy.

Has anyone been through something similar and got any tips?

I have the perfect solution, just drink at home.
It’s cheaper.
You’ll be with the Mrs.

Problem solved!

I do drink less at home and typically only at the weekend. Maybe 3 beers Friday/Saturday. But that doesn’t help the going out situation. I often find myself looking forward to a weekend night out well before it’s arrived. By Wednesday I can’t wait for a beer on Friday.

No tips- but regardless of whether you’re going solo or not, the first thing you have to do is arrange to see your GP and just tell it like you did up there. They’ll have intervention teams that can help, this is a common problem.

Best of luck.

Stop going to the pub for a start. You won’t go there and have alcohol free drinks. Trust me.

If you are drinking just once a week, it is a habit rather than an addiction, a very strongly embedded habit mind. It gets easier after a few weeks, but is also easy to re-establish.

For the first few weeks I would break your normal routine completely, maybe take the misses for a weekend break, take the family for a meal on friday night, etc
Do things that you will enjoy and break the drinking habit. longer term maybe try and establish a new routine, like cycling Saturday morning, so you have a reason and something you enjoy to look forward to and know that drinking would ruin it.

WLB, sounds like you have got to the point and have made the decision that life must change.
Thats the critical point, nobody else can make that decision for you.
Get help, talk to AA, tell your family that you want to change.

I have spent the morning in an intervention with my BIL, he is close to loosing everything and still can’t see that the issue is booze.
I don’t expect the intervention will come to much, if anything, and he will be back in hospital very soon.

Good Luck

Or drink every day. Increased tolerance = less hangovers…

Don’t be too hard on yourself about the ‘one pint’ thing. Who in the history of the world really goes out for one pint?

I can sort of get on board with that, if i dont catch myself I get carried away and wind up crawling in at 3am.

I can happily have a couple or not drink but if I reach a threshold I just get on it and wake up ill.

I don’t go out much so it never really occurs that often

Volunteer to drive everyone there.

Unless you genuinely have a big problem you won’t drink.

However, when I drive I don’t even have a half. Zilch.

If your of similar mentality it can be a good compulsion not to drink.

It’s also a wake up call to see your friends getting drunk and just how badly they behave… Knowing you do the same when drunk…

All the above said, if you find the week hard to get through without knowing you are going to get lagered up at the weekend, it’s going to be a tough fight.

I was like that in my 20’s. Solution was to got tee total for an indefinite period (maybe a month, 6months or a year) without putting a date on it there wasn’t the need to think about it.

After the first few weeks breaking the habits and mentally going round in circles thinking ‘ohh I want a drink’ (but in reality only because I was making a big deal of it in my head) it was pretty easy. Go to the pub, socialise, drink ginger beer. Or don’t drink anything, once past the initial ‘what do I do with my hands’ it’s fine.

Did it for about 8 months in the end.

Don’t be too hard on yourself about the ‘one pint’ thing. Who in the history of the world really goes out for one pint?

Plenty of people?

You’re in good company with this one for sure. No easy way to do it, like taking off a sticky plaster you’ve just got to do it. The good news is that it gets easier as time goes by. All the little reasons that you vonv8nce yourself mean that it can’t be done- social life etc- all turn out to be stupid nothings in the end, things just work themselves out completely fine.

And if you ever have any doubt as to whether you’ll be able to do it just remember, you’ll do it because you have to. Simple as that!!

Do you go to the pub initially on your own or with friends? If on your own and hoping to bump in to someone but not bothered if you do or not then personally I’d see it as a problem, if it’s social drinks with mates that get a bit Leary then perhaps not so much. My view anyway.

I have had to have a word with myself along similar lines.

I cannot see myself having the willpower to do moderate drinking

If you do not believe you can do it, then you have no chance!

Prove to yourself you can do it, or stop putting yourself in the environment where you struggle to make the right decision.

Binge drinking its unlikely you will get withdrawal I would have thought. I am a bit the same way myself. One pint fine, two I get a little thirsty. 3 and I am there until they kick me out. However the last few years I have virtually stopped drinking because the hangovers got so bad.

yes, been there exactly. Was not in a good place anyway…… and the drinking was kind of a release but was creating more issues. My ‘that’s enough now’ switch was broken and it was impossible to go out for a couple. I puked in my sleep twice, waking up in the morning covered in my own vom; I don’t know how close to doing a Hendrix I was. But the final straw was a work night out in London. After everyone finished and went home I ‘gave them the slip’, went back to a late bar-club, and the rest i don’t know. I woke up in an underpass, in December, still with my wallet but with all the money taken out of it.

As others have said, it wasn’t dependency, I didn’t need to drink to function, it was the off switch being jammed open and the only solution was to stop completely. I was teetotal for a year and a bit, which allowed a reset and now I’m a happy social drinker.

In terms of technique – for me it was driving. I abhor drink drivers, so I knew if I volunteered to drive I wouldn’t have one; and it was the support of my wife and friends who didn’t pressure me to drink, without (friends) particularly knowing how far down the road I was to being in serious trouble. They just didn’t ask (and gracefully accepted the lifts!) If your friends can’t tolerate that…. find some better friends.

Whenever I binge drink, it’s usually because there is something wrong somewhere in my life, like a stressful job, or a messed up relationship. It’s unhealthy as life rarely goes to plan.
I’m trying all the usual stuff like mindfulness and cbt and positive thinking. I did manage an extended period of time off the booze completely, mainly through switching to non-alcoholic beer, but ultimately being in the pub means the temptation is always there, especially if you are having a bad day/week.
Research shows regular binge drinking is not at all good for your overall health, so it’s positive you are taking it seriously. If you haven’t been a binge drinker in the past then it could be you are trying to use it to de-stress.

just stop it and stop making a drama about it.

just stop it and stop making a drama about it.

Wow, what a helpful comment.

Good luck, OP, listen to good advice, hope it all works out okay.

I could tell him to stop being an utter prick to his wife and weans.

That helpful enough?

I could tell him to stop being an utter prick to his wife and weans.

That helpful enough?
About as helpful as your previous comment.

Glad to be of service.

Glad to be of service.

You haven’t.

Glad to be of service.

Indeed. The OP asked for help with a personal problem and you responded by being a total stroker. Well done you.

It’s called Caledonian Tough Love.
Also known as Spite.

There’s a really easy solution, see my first post.

Have been through the exact same.
Used to always head to the pub on Friday after work and then spend the night drinking anything I could the rest of the weekend would be spent hungover,ill and not able to do much.

I have now been tee-total for 3 years now and feel so much better for it.Still go to pubs just not as often and always drive.It was hard to break the habit and cycle but once done it was pretty easy to stick to.

There’s a really easy solution, see my first post.

Pretty sure you’re not an expert in anything except callous indifference.

I’m a fair expect in selfish fathers going to the pub too much.

It’s baw baggery, nothing more. It doesn’t deserve sympathy.

Seoss’s posts ring a bit like someone who’s had a bit too much sauce tonight and needs to go to bed himself.

There’s a really easy solution, see my first post.

But not at all helpful. Why post useless crap?

OP tough thing to share. I suspect your wife is very worried about you. I suggest you soeak to her and you find a way to stop drinking, find something esle to do with the time.

Seoss’s posts ring a bit like someone who’s had a bit too much sauce tonight and needs to go to bed himself.

Yup. He protests too much. I hope he’s more likeable when sober.

GlennQuagmire – Member
There’s a really easy solution, see my first post.
But not at all helpful. Why post useless crap?

It’s not useless, it’s the 2 aspects of the OPs post that he should be looking very closely at. ie the detriment of the wife and children. and secondly, that his drinking is purely a personal choice.

Alcoholism isn’t a disease, it’s a choice.

ransos – Member
Seoss’s posts ring a bit like someone who’s had a bit too much sauce tonight and needs to go to bed himself.

Yup. He protests too much. I hope he’s more likeable when sober.

Haven’t had a drink since christmas day.

Or just more like-able when I haven’t had some bad news, and had to listen to the prick in the corner with a drink in him waffle on.

Anyhow. I’m taking something out on the OP which i shouldn’t be. So apologies for that.

But my 2 main points stand. It’s your choice OP, stop feeling sorry for yourself and make the choice.

seosamh77 – Member
I’m a fair expect in selfish fathers going to the pub too much.

It’s baw baggery, nothing more. It doesn’t deserve sympathy.

To be honest, what route did might need to be said. By a friend or relative stuff just not on here mate.

Importantly he didn’t an for sympathy, he asked for help.

seosamh77 is right though, you can choose to make things different and I wish you all the best in getting things under control mate.

Have a look for local alcohol counseling services, maybe help just to talk to someone non judgemental.

Been there myself mate – and still am to a certain degree

Disclaimer – my advice might not be the best tonight, as I’ve had a few myself, but I’ll try and give a rational take on it.

Firstly, can I ask, do you and the Mrs have issues? I find that’s when I want to go out with the lads most…

Me and the trouble have been together 25 years (I’m 46) and for most of that we’ve drank too much together (plus other stuff) – it’s just become a ‘way of life’. However, come the weekend, there’s an irrational desire to sod off to the pub. Sometimes it’s a release from family life, sometimes it’s just a hedonistic desire not to be middle aged and responsible. More often than not, going to the pub is no more thrilling than sat at home, but if you’re not there you have the FOMO

On the flip side, some times (usually once a year) I think I’ll have a month off booze and do it resolutely – a few days in, I can go to the pub and have a soft drink. It’s not actually that hard when you set your mind to it. late on a saturday night when everyone else is wankered and talking bollocks, it can become a bit tedious, but then just take yourself home and realise you aren’t actually missing out on much after all. The next day, you’ll feel great and maybe ride your bike, go and take some photos’s, or just interact with your family in a much better state of mind than if you’d stayed out and got pissed.

Not sure if this helps, but I’ll re-visit with a maybe more rational view tomorrow

Well done for admitting and accepting a problem op, and for putting it out here for people to comment.
Some here have been very helpful, one person is obviously dealing with an issue themselves.
‘Alcoholism is a choice’ I can see why people say that.
Gambling is a choice to me, drugs are a choice to me, cigarettes are a choice to me, all of which I just don’t understand why people do it and why they get addicted.
I honestly don’t know what possesses people to compulsively gamble or do drugs/ fags.
Yet I like a beer, these days a nice craft beer.
I should now admit I drink more than I should.
If I go out riding on my own in the day I inevitably end up having a few beers ‘ meeting new people and experiencing life’ before I head back along the river and pretend I’ve had a really good ride.
Went to Brighton for a training course the other day, didn’t come home.
Feel awful the next day obviously but at the time ‘ I’m out in a place I’m never coming to again and I need to meet these people and experience life’.
If I have one I’m on it.

OP if you want a chat then feel free to contact me, we are probably in the same boat, and if you are close come for a ride. Most people on here would give amazing advice, some are just dicks.