I once persuaded a girl – a girl I really, really, liked – to come home with me. Where I found that my best mate – a mate who I used to really, really trust – had been in earlier and had scattered my undercrackers all over my bedroom floor. He’d put nescafe “skidmarks” into every single pair too.

The bike shop I used to work in was signed up to one of those work experience schemes – you get some schoolkid for a week every once in a while.

We used to send the work experience kids to the local tool shop (all the staff there were well in on the joke obviously).

Glass hammers, left handed screwdrivers, sky hooks, bubbles for the spirit level, stripy paint to repaint the workshop, long stands, long weights/waits. You name it, some kid had been asked to go and get it…

Saw some pros at work when I spent a summer working in an officers’ mess.

Come regimental dinners, there would be 5 or 6 officers in the dining room in the afternoon while we were laying the tables. The tables are set up in a big U shape, seats both sides down the legs of the U.

From memory:

Chairs tied together with bungee cord underneath the table, with hilarious consequences for the few fighting with their opposites while everyone else sat down in unison.

Starter knives and forks tied together with fine fishing line underneath the other cutlery, placemats and starter plates

Rice in the napkins, showering those nearby when they were flicked to spread the folding

Porn selotaped to the table underneath the placemats, which were removed for the port at the end of the meal. That seemed to be reserved for those sitting closest to the top table.

Relatively tame this, but when I was a weed smoking youngster, spent a few happy months delivering pizza for the Domino’s in East Finchley. Great laugh hacking around on mopeds and spending our nightly tips at the bowling alley in Finsbury Park. The only downside was being sent to the Finchley Central branch one evening to borrow a “Dough Repair kit”. In truth was too stoned to really care about the humiliation and even got the manager to refund me £10 for the tips I’d missed out on as a result 😉

just saw this little gem doing the rounds on facebook.. I’ve only watched it with the sound down so can’t vouch for the NSFW status.. it’s a thing of simple beauty though..

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leqWBT1WdwY[/video]

that spoon game’s good, but we used to play it with the 3rd man holding a big glass ladle, and only teaspoons in your mouth 😆

The best one that I’ve had done to me was by my old work mate.

We were on a job where the clients were living on site in a caravan. Mate went to make a cup of tea for us both whilst I rolled one. After a minute he came out with two teas. I slurpped mine and instantly spat it out. It was salty. he couldn’t work or why and tried his and his too was salty. So I finished talking and he went of to make another brew. He comes back and hands me my cup. I take a big g gulp and begin to gag. Again it’s salty.
” what did you do that for?” i ask.
“I missed your reaction first time round”

Good one, that….

There was one guy at a party in Oz who was slagging off the English. I Sat there listening to him whilst going off match heads. With match heads I riled a”joint” and presented it to him as a peace offering. He sparked it up burning his palm, both his top and bottom lips and inhaling a load of crap. He left still demanding that we call him an ambulance.

One of our old housemates lived a few houses up the road. He wanted to well his gt frame on a forum. I contacted him along about his inside leg measurements. Another housemate asked him loads of stupid questions about the frame. This went on for ages.
He would knock at ours asking for a tape measure. He would ask Johannes loads of detailed questions that Johannes, under his alias, had asked him an hour earlier. He got me to take photos of his crotch over the top tube, something I had asked for the night before.
This carried on for about two months. He would come round, sit in our kitchen and show us the bizarre requests.
Eventually we collected all the emails and photos ad presented him with a book on his birthday.

Same guy…
He used to live at ours and his aunt sent him a parcep, but to our address. He had told us earlier that he hadn’t shaved as he had forgotten his razor at her’s.
We carefully opened the package and refilled it with left over food. A portion of rice,half a pepper, sachet of ketchup, an onion and a fork before carefully taping it back up.
He collected the parcel and went home to shave.
Upon opening it he was confused. Phoning his mum to ask if her sister still had all her marbles before his GF twigged that it was most likely us that were responsible.

On a course and I met this American bird… We went out for drinks the night before and she ended up mentioning that she had a bit of surgical gloves for nocturnal activities. The next day she had a presentation. I slipped a surgical gloveinto her folder. As she went to the front it fell out with perfect timingonto the floor. She went very red.

I like practical jokes….

One night at uni my car got covered in little coloured adhesive spots. I actually quite liked the look and kept most of the spots. However in revenge I took a couple of wheels off my mates Landy, hung one up a tree and wrapped the other up in brown paper, addressed it to him and left with the porters which was in the main college building a mile or so from where we lived and the cars were parked (they obviously knew what it was and seemed to get the joke).

When fifty pence pieces were a novelty, one wag in the pub got me to attempt a one handed press-up with a coin between the index and middle finger of the hand on the floor. If I could grab the coin with my teeth then I could keep it. As I grasped the coin I was squirted in the ear with a soda syphon. Oh how we laughed.

Fish hid in a friends car just before he went on holiday for two weeks when we were at college.

We emptied a cartoon of milk in someone’s car one, too…

Just remembered…. Also whilst at college. A “friend” decorated my car with ketchup. I ran into him in front of the college at lunch on my way to the car wash. He had some bruising down his left hand side after that…

Whilst guiding in gran canaria the mechanics would often load my bike onto the trailer for me. I thought they were being nice. It’s only when I unloaded my bike that I would realise that they have turned my stem upside down, put ridiculously narrow bars on, adjusted the mech so that I couldn’t use the granny ring or the lower gears, given me one SPD and one flat pedal, or the best, filled my tyres with water. All quite funny but also kinda annoying when it happens in front of the guests….

Had a friend who if he ever got greeted in a shop by a salesperson used to ask if they had any blanklooks in, after the salesperson looked puzzled for a while, he would reply, that’s great and then leave.

Working on the farm, favourite one was to tell the new guy to hold up a wire fence while you used to go round the corner and plug in the battery for the electric fence 😉

That and attaching fishing line to the muck spreader release lever, so that it would pull the lever on just as the driver turned onto the road was another popular one.

Working in the cartographic office of a Government Department.

Hid inside map cabinets and jumped out at secretaries assigned to collect maps. That was fun.

Stapled an elastic band across a small cardboard box, about 5x 4x 2 inches, with a close fitting lid. Attached a small card ‘propeller’ to the elastic band. Collected all the punched out holes from all the hole punches I could find and filled the box. Wound the elastic band up as much as I could and placed lid on box before sending the whole ‘device’ via internal mail to work colleague. Cue laughs as she later opens it.

Made fake scalpel blades from meat-pie foil trays. Absent minded ‘dropped’ scalpel onto work mates lap.

Living in stupidly cold student type digs (in fact so cold one bloke slept in a tent nailed to the floor) I would make steaming mugs of ‘tea’ for people I shared with. Mugs were actually empty, just rinsed with boiling water to make them steam. I’d ‘accidentally’ stumble and drop a mug onto victim’s lap.

Worked as an Outdoor Pursuits instructor for a while. Tom (victim of tea mug trick) would regularly form Jamaican Ginger Cake into little round balls to look like sheep droppings and leave them in the grass where he was sitting. He’d then call a client over for a chat and would then absentmindedly start snacking on the ‘droppings’. Clients aghast, he’d explain the nutritious nature of the droppings etc. Never quite got a client to eat a real dropping but he came very close a few times…

Also worked in a family butcher’s when my brother screamed as he pretended to slice his fingertips of on the bacon slicer. It was really realistic too. And then we realised he wasn’t pretending and that it wasn’t a practical joke 🙁

My poor little bro had a pretty hard time, like when we decided to learn how to abseil (that essential skill when living in Essex). Armed with all the gear and no idea we visited an old railway bridge in some farmland. No obvious anchor was available for the rope so I decided to just wrap the rope through the arch and back up, like a big noose. It was brother’s rope, so in the spirit of fairness (and having nagging misgivings about the set up)I let him go first. He plummetted straight to the ground. Ouch.

Once, much younger, I’d managed to persuade him that if he put his fingers into strip light terminals his eyes would light up like torches. He believed me. They didn’t light up at all, but my backside glowed red when mum found out.

Also sent little bro adrift down a stream towards the Thames when we lived near Marlow.

John, I salute you. Give me a call when you come back from Oz.

And got REALLY annoyed with flat-mate at university who would never wash up after cooking/ eating. So we scaped his plates for him for a week or so, did his cleaning etc and posted all the gunge via the internal mail to his departmental pigeon-hole. He sort of got the hint, for a while but lapsed into his old ways. So we filled his bed with all his unwashed crocks and pots. He was fastidious after that.

I’m not a very nice person really.

Worked at a place that built canal barges and other metal things (fabricators) back in my youth. Standard thing was to wait until someone was welding the bottom of a box-shaped area of the barge then drop a steel sheet on top of them and quickly weld it up, then call break and go to the cafe over the road 😆 Left one particularly horrid lad like that for three hours!!

At the same place, the boss was known to be rather slow when building anything, drinking loads of tea in the process. That was until one of the lads put a bit of speed in his brew. He worked solidly for the whole day, then spent the next three hiding in the office with a massive downer 😀

Oh and if you own a canal barge with a duck-shaped plate on the sides, it has Steve’s sandwich box and a dildo he bought for his GF in the bottom 😈

A few juvinile ones all from the same group of so called “friends” as were all 25-30 and we get broed easily

Mate fell asleap at a regular fifa/piss up pizza nite, a whole bag of chocolate buttons down the back of his boxers, all over his hands and face and beding, a quick spray of fart spray on him woke him up and he ran pukeing to the toilet!!! Not a happy chappy

Revenge from above, i fell asleap at said night few weeks later, they set my phone time 2 hours late, and cut a lovely hole in the back of my tshirt, filled my steel toe caps with expanding foam and wrote “gary glitter is my idol” on the back of my van in gaffer tape, drive to work was lovely and i had a cold back on site all day.

My revenge was to go around me pals houses after “borrowing” their keys a quick lick of gloss paint on all their toilet seats and 2 had to be awkward and have stained ones so some fresh stain was applied, some laxatives procured from my wifes work did a treat ; )

Another decorating mishap was i had a shed load of a horrible puke green emulsion left from a job, mate goes on holiday for the week leaving keys with us ; ) ive never laughed so hard whilst decorating in my life we painted the whole of his interior doors and all ; ) we were good enough to sheet up and cover his belingings i had a black eye and had to repaint his house but christ was it worth it!!!

One for all tv remotes are fun also, i used to live over the road from my good pal, his flash new telly was the talking point at most events so i thought id have some fun, programmed his tv with a one for all and i sat in my van changing his channels and ordering “erotic” movies mano el mano style his wife caught glimpse of these when he went to the loo or she viewd thier bill i could have done it for months if my mrs hadent frog marched me over and demanded i apologise as the two wives discussed at length how she was going to leave him due to his obsession with gay porn ; )

Many many more as were all idiots when were pissed up, countless cheap ads in auto trader for each others cars/vans cling filmed cars and the best if not the harshest was the “kfc” incident our local kfc had a 20ft inflatable cornel on its flat roof, next was the local paper running articles that it had dissappeared over night??? It turned up in my mates front garden facing his bedroom window and had nothing whatsoever to do with us ; )

Back when PCs used to crash fairly regularly with the ‘blue screen of death’ we did a mock version of that screen, stored it as a screen saver and set this blokes PCM to kick to screen saver if he didn’t touch the keyboard for 10 seconds.

He was always winging about his computer running slow or his compiler taking forever etc. We told him it was because he only ever used the switch to turn off the computer. He needed to unplug the computer from the wall, count to thirty and then plug it back in again.

For a couple of weeks we would wait until he had started to compile a program or something and then talk to him so the screen saver kicked in. He would turn around and swear before climbing under the desk to unplug everything.

You went to all that trouble when you could have just downloaded it?
http://technet.microsoft.com/en-gb/sysinternals/bb897558.aspx

I’ve installed that on colleagues computers when they’ve left them unlocked – the other trick being to take a screenshot of their desktop, set that as the background and remove all the icons from the desktop.

Played on my dad.

When I was about 14 we had a German exchange student. She stayed with us for 2 weeks and was properly odd. She barely spoke, at all and spent most of the time in her room. She appeared only a couple of times, and only spoke to my dad once in 2 weeks, to ask for a hairdryer which he took round to her room..

About 2 weeks after she returned home we received a postcard from germany thanking us for her stay. Their was the usual mixed english/german text but it ended with

‘But nicht thank-you to Herr Sinatra, Er perverten Ich mit ein hairdryer’

My Dad hit the roof and went ballestic to the teachers at school. Turns out it was from his mates in the pub. One of them had a postcard from Germany, they soaked it in battery acid to remove the ink before rewriting it and giving it to our local postie to drop through the door.

That was 20 years ago and he is still plotting his revenge today!

One mild but fairly smart one relating to computers. My housemates set up a network in the house for gaming, and their computers were unsecured (this was in the mid 90s). If you remember the screen you used to see that said ‘It is now safe to shut down your computer’ – that was actually a full screen image stored in your Windows directory.

We made it say

It is now safe to turn off your computer.

Or is it?

one i played on a mate,

back in the days when Lycos would let you use their free txt message service, i came up with a cunning prank on a mate, obviously i had to pull a few other lads in on the prank. I thought it would be a great wind up to say that he had won a free gift if replied to within 24hrs. Obviously to make this look like it was not spam, i included something notable about a purchase he had made that day (we were all out in town). Mate duely replied with the standard YES.

So the prank was “in Game”, the prize was for a Smart car and that we would be sending the collection details via post, we just needed the address, mate duly replied.

Now i was quite impressed with my blatant copyright infringements at this point, as i drew up a letter with Lycos logo’s, Smart logo’s and a few others for good measure. One of the stiulations for claiming the prize would that he would have to attend a cetain motor show (again something we knew he was interested in) on a very particualr day to claim the prize, a no show would mean that it would go back into the prize draw.

Being dick dastardly at this point “that date” was also the date we were all flying out on our lads holiday to the lovely idillic resort of Majorca.

Mate, fell hook line and sinker for this and took great pleasure in telling us all how he was getting a new car and that the holiday could go jump. Well fair enough we all said, but you’ll be missing out!

we only told him the night before of the fraud, at which point he didn’t believe us until we showed him the evidence. I can’t understand why he was so upset…

I’ve just got married in Sept and stupidly left my stag do till the weekend before the wedding.

Got to the hotel and we were sorting rooms, who’s sharing with who etc, two of my mates nearly wet themselves with laughter when I said I’d share with them, the reason? They’d brought along a can of the deepest shade of fake bake with them and had been wondering how they were going to get into my room to apply it.

In my drunken stupor I can vaguely remember my mate laying out a load of towels onto my bed and telling me to go to sleep, fifteen minutes later they woke me up because they said they were feeling guilty and to get into the shower to wash it off, guilty my arse! They’d read on the instructions that I needed to wash and exfoliate for the best results so woke me up to do just that 😆

Woke up in the morning to find both hands and just the left hand side of my body looking like I’d been creosoted, I swear that tan carried on developng for the next two days at least. I was still scrubbing tan from my hands the night before the wedding, had a lovely tanned left foot for the honeymoon though.