When i was an apprentice, i snapped a screw in an important job, so the chap i was working with suggested i go to the blacksmith shop down the hill at the steelworks i worked at, get them to heat a half inch bar, red hot, and then bring it back up here, and put it on the screw and the heat will expand the screw.

So i did, but by the time i had got back the heat had transfered down the bar and burnt my hand.

And it didnt work

Also got sent to the stores for a long stand, got there and the chap looked at the order requestion, and said it doesnt say the size, so sent me back to the workshop, i asked he foreman what size long stand he said about 8 foot, so back i went, told the storemann i needed an 8 foot long stand and he said just wait there lad,i think we have one in stock but we are short staffed, and i waited there for an hour, before he came back and said they only had 2 x 4 foot ones, so back i went to the workshop to state they only had 2 x 4 foot ones and would they do, much to everyones amusement.

Used to work in a jewellers/pawnbrokers.

One of my jobs was to check the purity of gold by rubbing the item onto a whetstone then testing the residue with nitric acid.

The lads in the workshop kindly explained the complicated process needed to clean the whetstone afterward – a multi-stage affair using strong chemicals, face masks, protective clothing, an ultrasonic cleaner and a polishing mop.
Took ages.

Found out a month later that all you really have to do is rub the whetstone with a piece of sandpaper. 😐
Gits.

Tied up and pushed down a set of stairs into a dark cellar.

****.

Told someone that another person had died, I was only about 12 hours younger than I am now.

Ermmm! You have to know the full situation to get why it was hilarious.

I think we need more info Drac on that.

You won’t get any due to the nature of the joke.

I was the 10 or 11 year old spud who wandered around an epic Boy Scout Jamboree in Tennessee asking for a left handed bacon stretcher. I wasted four hours of my life making rednecks laugh before heading back to camp and apologetically explaining that nobody had one to spare – and I don’t think I got the joke until years later 😳

Thanks drac, that was worth sharing
🙂

A tutor of mine once sent a student for the bubble for a spirit level. Fully expecting failure and the student to return with the cash, the lecturer failed to foresee success and the return of the student with some sort of expensive brass levelling calibration device.

Hee hee!

I got sent for a long stand, I pissed off to the canteen for two hours and sat on my arse reading papers and drinking tea.. 😀

I worked with a guy in a scrap merchants (my dad was a lorry driver for the same company) who came in to the room I was working sorting some copper piping and said I should stop doing what I was doing and that I needed to go to the hospital with him as my dad was involved in a terrible accident and that he’d killed someone. the guy took me out of town before the car ‘broke down’ and he got me to get out to give him a push before he sped off leaving me miles out of town thinking my dad was going to go to jail or something worse!

😯

I used to work in a prison for a little while and a group of inmates were sharing similar apprentice prank anecdotes from their youth, except their stories all tended to have a bit of a twist in the tail- like a story about at trainee truck mechanic being sent by his boss to kwikfit to get a tyre for a fifth wheel which ended ‘……. so I smashed his face in with a fire extinguisher’

Staying at my cousins house when I was about ten, they were all much older and took the mickey a bit. Woke up one morning and someone had kindly sewn up the bottoms of my trouser legs………………..

Got bundled into the back of a HGV full of carpet underlay and taken off until the first drop when at least I got to sit in the cab

aged about eight, i locked all the toilet cubicle doors in my dad’s work,crawled out under each one…..

Junior at my work was sent to Woolworths to buy a ringpiece

He asked the young female assistant who immediately called her supervisor, and to his credit sold him a jubilee clip, junior returned and was told it was too small and was told to go to a sheet metal workers next door to ask them to enlarge his ringpiece!

They didn’t see the funny side unfortunately and threw him out!

I got locked in a blast chiller at a sandwich factory… 😯

In my first job (apprentice mechanic) I was sent to the local tool store to get a 12″ hampton with a bell-end. Luckily I figured it out on my way, but they managed to get it to work on a couple of other young lads

Place where I worked once, the mechanics’ favourite jape was to send new starters to Stores for ten yards of fallopian tubing.

Working away in shared digs one of the youngsters was woken by splashes of warm liquid on his face and to find a colleague standing over him with his manhood in his hand and to listen to the immortal words ” I’ve just cum over your face”

In actual fact it was shampoo.

God knows where those lads are now!

Jimmy Saville always did have an odd sense of humour.

Working in housebuilding where company cars were the big thing. One joker decided to full up the air vents of my mates car with the insides of a hole punch and turn the air con on full with the vents directed at the drivers seat. Mate came to go home and you can guess the outcome. Mate then decided to get said joker back so took his keys and removed the car from where he had parked it and took it to the local supermarket car park and left it (about 2 miles away). Joker came to go home at night couldnt find his car and started to panick, about 20 min later after joker was going to phone police mate decided to tell him where his car was and promptly drove away leaving joker in the puring rain to walk to car park to retrieve his car 😀

In my first job (apprentice mechanic) I was sent to the local tool store to get a 12″ hampton with a bell-end. Luckily I figured it out on my way, but they managed to get it to work on a couple of other young lads

LOL juvenile humour ftw.

When I was a horrible student a certain other horrible student, who I won’t mention because some of you may know of him (let’s call him Grant Pilchards), took everything out of my bedroom and set it up in the garage. The ####.

In revenge I took the fuse out of the central heating boiler and may have tipped cress seeds into his keyboard.

The best crime that we perpetrated against a house mate that we both HATED[/i] was every now and again take a tin of food from his cupboard and chuck it through the loft hatch. At the end of the year when he went into the loft to get his packing boxes he must have found 30+ tins of his corned beef. Greg, if you are reading this, we HATED[/i] you. 😀

When my mate got married we put onions on the manifold of his car and in the air intake for the heater.

He was not amused.

Strangely practical jokes are no longer seen as politically correct, and are now seen as demeaning not a right of passage.

Taking the lids of jars of honey/rice/etc turning them upside down and putting them back in the cupboard with the lid placed on top of the up turned jar. Had to turn the label away from view mind.

When I was a horrible student a certain other horrible student, who I won’t mention because some of you may know of him (let’s call him Grant Pilchards), took everything out of my bedroom and set it up in the garage.

Mate of mine lived in student digs for a while, several stories up in a hi-rise block.

One day whilst out on the lash, a bunch of his mates stripped their room and rebuilt it in the corresponding ground floor room. Everyone was in on the joke apart from his flatmate.

Later that night, they all return beered up, and get in the lift. They pretend to push the original floor button, jig about a bit, and then escort our inebriated hero to his relocated room.

Once in and settled, and with the beers still flowing, they start a loud argument with him, then go “right you bastard,” pounce on him, and throw him out of the window. The drop outside is only a couple of feet, but as far as he knew he was several stories up.

You probably heard the screams.

Worked at an office supplies place once. The accounts lady had a 50cc twist n go scooter.
4 of us managed to manhandle it on top of the diesel storage tank 10′ up and park it there on its kickstand. She went totally mental. The boss then had to come and calm her down and convincingly “tell us off” in front of her. (He was one of the 4 guilty persons, the bastard).

Normally the one playing practical jokes

I used to subscribe to a website where you could send some fool an email and make it look like it had come from whoever you wanted it to look like it had come from

Gold dust that one but only if you nick company logos from the tinterweb and paste them onto the email. best thing is, if they reply, you get the reply so you can just keep it all going.

1) sent a colleague an email from mitsibushi UK saying his warranty claims were to be claimed back for the last three years as they put all his claims down to “driver error” and he owed then £6500 plus VAT.

2) same bloke got an email off me from Specialized UK bike recovery team saying he had just put a stolen bike into his local bike shop for service and it was in fact stolen and could he return it to mr Forster bla bla bal etc etc.

3) sent the same bloke (he was very very gullible but shhh, he’s on here too, eh Gary!) an email from an Indian restaurant in Canterbury (where he’d eaten and raved about) an invitation to be a guest speaker at their new restaurant in Rusholm, Manchester. (he nearly went too) and no, they werent opening a new place.

4) sent my sisters mate and email saying her brand new MX5 had been damaged when the effluent tank on the ship burst and filled her car with sailors excrement.

Put ink on a colleagues phone ear piece then phoned him up

put tape on a mouse so it won’t work

done a print screen on a colleagues computer, pasted it into a word document then enlarged the image so it fills the screen.

Worked at an office supplies place once. The accounts lady had a 50cc twist n go scooter.
4 of us managed to manhandle it on top of the diesel storage tank 10′ up and park it there on its kickstand. She went totally mental. The boss then had to come and calm her down and convincingly “tell us off” in front of her. (He was one of the 4 guilty persons, the bastard).

Hilarious!

I was (am) a very easy target ..

Apple turnover bed
Dorm room bed carried outside whilst I was asleep in it
Trouser legs sewn up
Clothes stolen whilst skinny dipping
Given wrong meeting / pickup time (1 hour early)
Flaming sambuka dare – turned out to be some sort of liquid cleaning product (sense of humour crises for this one)

As a student had a mind numbingly boring job wire brushing rust off steel poles at an industrial plant. We had to wear those fetching paper hooded boiler suit type things & face masks etc. To relieve the boredom one day we stuffed a suit to make it look like a person, attached gloves & boots etc & hung, with a noose, the “body” from a roof truss. Imagine the look on the foremans face when we rushed in all panicked.
My brother, when he was at agricultural college, claims he had a dump in a Marvel tin, taped the lid up & left the said item on a radiator in a fellow students room over the christmas hols………. My brother became a tree surgeon & the victim is now an evangelist

As an apprentice TV repair man I was often introduced to “Mr. Megger” the insulation tester. First time it was connected to the workshop door handle when I was late, second time it was connected to the other end of a mains lead they asked me to put a plug on. Also had match heads put in the end of the soldering iron which explode when you turn the iron on.

Best one was the Honda Acty van joke. It only had key locks on the drivers door and rear tailgate. So, if you parked it tight into the corner of the car park, exited by the passenger door locking it by pushing the button down, the only way to get in was by bouncing it out of the corner to gain access to one of the key locks!

When based in Belfast, the unit I was with was made up of squaddies on 6 month detatchments, so a couple of times a month we would get told to go to the airport and pick up so and so. Looking at the admin instruction we would find out if the new lad was a “new” lad. Usually it was “rab” and “Al” who would go down and pick them up but the essential part of the plan was “Al” was a native of Belfast.

“rab” would go get the new lad, confirming all his details etc etc, then take him back to the car (non mil), throw his bags in the boot and tell him to get in the back. As they were driving back, “Al” would point at the browning under his leg whilst telling the lad in his strongest Belfast accent that he was a freedom fighter and that the newbie was being taken to the border for interogation. This was a standing joke in the unit until one lad tried to jump out the car whilst it was still going. After that it was stopped.

It used to be brilliant when the new lads were brought into the workshop, wide eyed and chalky white!

After that we had to settle for making boobie traps wired up to banks of flash bulbs. Many times I opened my locker first thing in the morning in the pitch black, only to be blinded for the first 5 min of the day.

At uni we crumbled up a stock cube, popped it in a pipe and gave it to a mate, assuring him that it was in fact some prime hashish.

Some chaps dressed smartly,and with big blue rosetes came round our estate, and told us that by voting con servative, it would save britain from bankruptcy and be good for the country.

A lot of people failed to see the joke and voted for them.

A young electrician i worked with for a while got dogs abuse from our client in front of the whole site. So to get his revenge he took an old mobile phone and wired it up inside the plasterboard wall behind what was to become the new master bedroom. He then took great joy phoning it in the middle of the night when the client had moved in. Must have driven him crazy.

Some students managed to get a car on the roof of the library in Cambridge University!

I went to lectures one day and came back after a few hours. When I opened the door…

They managed to fill the whole room and en-suite. They did this the night before our annual room inspection. Took my whole block a couple hours. Last time I didn’t lock my room. Some amusing comments on the balloons too.

Edit: I remember a few others we did at uni.

In halls we could open the service doors for the en-suites. Once opened we poured either a whole tub of fairy liquid or a whole tub of instant coffee and pour it into the toilet cistern. Once flushed there would be either epic amounts of foam or horrible brown strong coffee water. Lasted at least a few days.

The other one was to open up the shower head, pour in gravy granules and tighten back up. Very unamused house mate.

Last one was to pour food dye in food that house mates were cooking when they left the kitchen. Green or red potatoes, blue veg, etc. Harmless and fun.

as an art student I’d print out sweary words back to front, white on black, pop the cover off the flashgun on my camera and tuck it (print-side in) inside then take close up portraits of people. The flash would go off and for about 10 minutes afterwards people would see the sweary word in bright green every time they blinked