I lived with a guy in my final year at uni who we all called Weird Rob. Because, well, he was just f****n’ weird. When I met my now-wife later in life, it turned out she also knew Rob, and with no other mutual friends or acquaintances, her and her mates also knew him as Weird Rob. Weird.

‘Beano’ his name is Al and he is quite pasty.
Worked with ‘Arry for 3 years.His wife,daughter and mum called him ‘Arry.I was talking to him at the immigration kiosk at the airport and called him ‘Arry.The immigration officer looked sternly at me and asked why his passport said his name was Ian on it.
Same as above…when he started there was already an Ian there.

I worked with someone who had been given the nickname ‘Death Wish’ in two separate motorbike clubs that had no members in common bar him.

In his shoes I’d have been worried.

A school friend of mine, his surname is Noone. We called him Arfur.

Friend of mine started a new job. Was introduced to “Warren.”

Months pass, and it comes to light that Warren’s real name is something else entirely unrelated.

“So,” she asks, “why do they all call you Warren?”

“It’s short for ‘warren uglybastard’…”

I know a fat lad called Ed, Everyone calls him Welf

when my wife was a baby and learning to walk a friend of her dad called her wobble as she was a bit unsteady at the time.. and it stuck

30 years later and she’s now known to the whole family as wob.

Our two year old is called Bibby because his brother couldn’t pronounce baby when he was born.. he know even refers to himself as Bibby

My brother in law works in a garage and there are a load of brilliant ones for their customers, one regular customer is known as upside down head because he’s bald but has a very full beard 🙂

My brother David is called Trigger after Dave, which stuck largely due to an incident where he wandered home from North Weald market with an air rifle, went on to a garage forecourt to put a bottle in the bin and the guy called the police, he wandered on a bit further and got picked up by my mum, about 10mins later there was armed response knocking on the front door. She declined to call Trigger up the stairs!

Can’t recall many kids i was at school with, but i’ll always remember Billy the Cat 😯
Yes, cats may have been abused in the making of this nickname.

I have two nephews, Pickle (cos’ he’s always hated them) and Lambie (because aged 2 he fell asleep on a young Lamb)

Thats it, long gone are the days of nicknames being banded around. 😐

Some of your lot have made me laugh. 😀

“Lid” a guy I used to work with who had a particularly wispy comb-over that would bounce when he walked…like a pan lid rattling on a stove

“Nemo” FLT driver with the single most impressive beard you’ve ever seen (pre-hipster) shaved it off, still called Nemo

“Wally” he had no idea when I asked him (this was early 90’s when we were both in our 20’s) his surname was Hammond, and the boss was cricket mad.

One summer hockey tour one of our female players was called “Milk Tray”. I had to ask why and thankfully i didn’t ask the girl in question because Milk Tray = box full of assorted creams. 😯

Helping a guy from work I asked his name-

“Andrew, but you can call me cock nose.”

Other nick names at work include- tits, log head, Allen key and quite a few others.

My favourite at school was a lad who lost a testicle when his brother shot him in “a game” – forever thereafter Womble.

from Greg Davies stand up show where he asks for nicknames –

Mumbo was the best one, apparently the lads mum had BO.

In my gym-going days, lads at the gym nicknamed me “Smooth” because I have no chest hair…

I remember seeing a particularly attractive girl in a bar that I vaguely recognised from the gym, she was with 3 or 4 equally stunning friends so I thought I’d sidle over and chance my hand.

She introduced me with the unforgettable line “girls, this is Smooth”… The situation could have gone either way, sadly, it didn’t go my way! 😳

When I was at high school, any unfortunate teenage lad who had the misfortune to be afflicted by an unexpected and inappropriate erection in the showers during P.E was forever labelled with the shameful moniker of “Ping”.
There were several Pings at my school including some older lad called Neil who is still , to this day, called Nelly Ping.

An old friend of mine was given the nickname ‘Make Things’ because he came from Sunderland. There was also a couple I used to know who everyone called ‘The Nasties’. Know idea why. One of my best friends had the nickname ‘Arsey’ on account his first two initials being RC. And I was given´the nickname ‘Fluffy’ by my old MTB club in London as that was how they described my hair after I had taken my helmet off after a ride.

My dad used to be a draughtsman and worked in an old-style drawing office where the tops of the drawing boards came up to about chest height if you were standing. One of the guys in the office was a notorious shirker. He received his nickname because of his cunning ruse to appear inconspicuous when rolling-in late in the morning. He would take his jacket off and casually saunter in, trailing it along the floor behind him (hidden, he imagined, by the height of the desks), hoping to give the impression that he’d been in all along and had just popped out of the office for a bit.

For this, they named him The Matador.

From my own experience, I used to work with a regrettable woman, nick-named Vimto.

“Coz naebody likes Vimto.”

In the same job, I shared an office with two gay guys. The younger one was camp as knickers and a bit immature, whereas the older “straight-acting” one was pretty low-key with a very dead-pan sense of humour. He christened the younger one “WPC”.

“Wee Poofy ****”.

I knew a fella that made a fuss about not wanting a nickname, his name was Nicholas, he was called No Nickname Nick from that moment on.

You missed a trick there. “Nickless Nicholas” is a nifty bit of alliteration.

Reminds me of Paul and Pauline Calf in “3 Fights, 2 weddings and a funeral”…. What was your nickname in school Pauline? Cinzano, anytime anyplace anywhere…. 😆

They was a guy who used to be in our club who everyone called ‘Stan’, his real first name was Paul. So I assumed his name was Paul Stanley. When we were starting races, I used to call out Paul Stanley (there was a guy whose name was actually Stan racing as well) and he would answer to it. This went on for ages. I was then told that he was called Stan because when he was a kid he looked like Stanley Laurel of old movie fame. Which considering he was now a 6ft 2, tattooed, body builder, was not quite a match anymore. I asked why he answered to the name I was calling him he said he knew what I meant.

mate of mine joined our club a few years back and after a short while picked up the nickname Village, as in Village Idiot
He was a bit crestfallen as that had been his nickname in his old club and he was hoping to have left it behind

It is a well deserved nickname as two hockey clubs have found it fitting independently of each other

i was called birdman by a guy when i used to work at hayden’s bakery.tbh i quite liked the nickname.

Went to school with a lad with the surname “Morgan”

Was known to everyone as ‘Big Em’…. short for ‘Big Em, small organ’ (have to say it out loud).

My mate Graham was named Bungle at primary school. It couldn’t be more fitting tbh. We went to high school together, he barely had any need for his real name, I heard teachers call him Bungle. Went to uni together, everyone called him Bungle. He fled the country, moved to London and, for a time, he had a name! Til I went down on holiday and accidentally called him Bungle within earshot of the barmaid in his local. And it spread out like ripples in a pond and within about 15 minutes, everyone in London knew he was Bungle.

Everyone at school called my brother cheesecake, nobody will ever know why.

Are you cheesecake’s brother?

I love nicknames, saw an old work mate in the pub, double of a Turkish waiter , me- “alright Turk” him- broke down crying , “why wont people just call me Ray” , I didn`t even know his name was Ray after 4 years working with him.
And a few of the nicknames that people never knew they had!!
Coughing Clive, for obvious reasons.
Syrup of figs was one for a poor bloke that had 3 different wigs , just cut, mid cut and need a cut, changeover day was an absolute gem!! Someone blew it off in the end with a windy pipe!!
My favourite was a guy the whole office knew as “one wipe” sadly he smelt of sh** every time he came back from the toilet!!

I know a bloke called Simon Ing, although everyone calls him Roger.

I also know a chap called Time Bomb due to his very short temper.

Guy at school was called Nathan Waterhouse. He said once he’d like to be called Nat, so we called him Nat-Wat from that point on.

A chap I used to work with was called Teflon.

He was a welder.

Two barmaids in a (very) local village pub I was taken to by a couple of mates regaled in (and seemed quite proud of) the nicknames ‘Shaky Leg’ and ‘Spunky Chops’.

It takes all sorts.

Also had two guys worked for me from different parts of the midlands/Birmingham area. One has called YamYam and the other YumYum.

It only makes sense when you say it with a Brummy accent, and that’s exactly how they sounded.

They was a guy who used to be in our club who everyone called ‘Stan’, his real first name was Paul. So I assumed his name was Paul Stanley.

There was a bloke I used to work with called Stan Parks. I assumed this was after Stanley Park in the city in question; actually it was after Park-istan.

They’re all coming back to me now – we’ve got a mate who ‘pulled’ an older lady at an office party. He was forever known as Lovejoy after this, as he likes getting hold of antiques.

Powco. So called because he went back to his shared flat after a night out and was found fast asleep with his tackle stuck through his boxers and some adult entertainment on the TV, he was Passed Out With Cock Out, POWCO.

Went on a trip once with two lads called Rob. Fairly explicably they attracted the monikers, Big Rob and Little Rob. Little Rob was a little pissed off by this, as he was 6’2″ or so, unfortunately for him Big Rob was freakishly tall.

Powco – brilliant.

I used to know a big fat ambling skinhead whose nickname was Dumbo. Rumour had it that after a particularly enthusiastic session his girlfriend had to be checked out at the GPs. After that he was known as Jumbo.

mate of mine is called spanner.
due to a gay guy he used to work with fancying him, we all joked that when he saw spanner his nuts would tighten.

First reply to tickle me.

There were some crackers on my squadron in the RAF:

“Sledge” – when younger the lads reckon he always got pulled by dogs!

“Arnhem” girl, surname Bridge – considered a Bridge too far!!

Superb thread, some corkers, making me chuckle.. 😆