Eric Clapton:
Personality-free, celebrity alcoholic, humourless Nazi.
Made one decent album with John Mayall in 1966, thus rendering 1959 Gibson Les Pauls' unaffordable for an entire generation.
Only other claim to fame is running away with best mate George Harrison's wife - what a guy.
Metallica:
Spoilt - brat American mega-plagarists: Entire career built on one idea stolen from British band Diamond Head.
Unfortunate habit of losing bass players.
Ruined only original moment by turning new bass players' instrument down in the mix because of toddler like petty jealousy.
Ego maniac tendencies and a lack of perspective turned them into a real life Spinal Tap, but without the humour.
Oasis:
Third rate talent free illiterate Beatles 'tribute' band.
I've heard better at school talent shows.
The Stone Roses for people who neither like nor understand music.
Humourless, subhuman whinging of singer and guitar player made an entire generation ashamed to be Mancunian.
Thicker than pig excrement.
Aspired to mediocrity and failed.
Will be completely forgotten in 10 years time.
Mark Ronson:
Parents 'in the business'.
Failed musician uses contacts to make every record he ruins sound exactly the same.
Will stand as the Conservative candidate for somewhere very safe in 20 years time.
The Pete Waterman of the Naughties.
Anyway, enough of my yakkin'.
Over to you...... 
