Haha, I am that real life engineer who is **** useless with a bike.
I get paid a very good wage and get flown business class all over the world to fix highly complex military communications systems when they go faulty in action. But can I index my rear mech!!!! That will be a no. 😉

Good job my lbs are a top bunch (and very patient) 🙂

None of these guys have time or interest in selling anything, they are more interested in faffing in the back of the workshop and moaning about how hard business is.

Actually my workshop is near the front of the shop, and business is pretty good 😉

I don’t do “selling”, though. There’s a funny (though it’s not meant to be) book called Principles of Bicycle Retailing – I read that and then decided to do the exact opposite.

Sadly ime the easiest way to be a bell end in your lbs, seems to be to get a job there.

For example, do you get the same service in Primark as you do in your local LBS?

Often it’s the same-minimum-wage but the time invested per-sale is quite unbalanced.

Retail is retail.

‘do you have any hybrids in?’ lbs owner nods sarcastically ‘Yessss we have hybrids’ and then waits for the guy to speak again. No idea!

This seems to be the form in any bike shop that I’ve ever been in anywhere..
I think it takes a very primitive and malfunctioning brain to work in a bike shop..

I might agree with you – I’ve had some lovely home brewed ginger beer and I’m feeling agreeable. The problem is that many bike businesses are small owner-manager ones with (understandably) cynical owners – others hire minimum-wage kids who like to be snotty. I find the bike trade forums almost unreadable sometimes – and not just because of the terrible standards of literacy.

However, there are also lots of good shops out there, with very skilled and knowledgeable staff.

Does it take an advanced and cognitive one to move on from bicycle retail Yunki?

no, it does not take an advanced and cognitive brain to move on.. there is no moving on..

after bicycle retail there is only appearing on one of those ‘Britain’s worst hoarder’ type programmes when you are in your eighties – explaining to the nation in a sorrowful tone about how you started collecting jam and mills and boon novels after your wife left you, and how it snowballed from there into full blown hoarding of everything that you have purchased since, including the packaging, plus your own excrement and inexplicably 79,892 pairs of lightly worn ladies tights

do you have any more questions..?
I bloody hope not because I certainly don’t have any more answers..

Aww.. 😀

Moving on. I’m off to build fences.

Where’s the “what metal thread”?

Whitworth is the best metal thread.

My brakes can’t stop me they keep failing? (looks me up and down )then says they can only do so much(110 kilo) ,ok lets upgrade, whats the budget?, no budget just bigger and more power ,i think XT 180’s -no try Quadra we have them in stock .No i want xt’s with ice ,oh that will take 2 weeks ,oh i can get them here in 2 days ?can you fit them ?yes but your frame might be 2 small WTF who is the bell end ?

Trevron – are you the customer, lbs worker, or…..both?

Shoot up some heroin.

Wander into LBS, stare aimlessly at some saddles, wander back to the customer chair near the door, slump from there to the floor by the entrance, drool…

I shit you not this happened at my mates shop! He gets allot of crazys in there >.>

“I’m looking to buy a 19″ Orange P7 Pro on 0% finance.”
“No problem, I’ve got one here.”
“Oh no, I don’t want that one, I want a new one out of a box.”
quick stock check.
“Yes, i’ve got one in a box, it’ll take about an hour to build it, and it will be the same as that one if you don’t want to wait.”
“Well if that’s your attitude, you can keep it. I’ll take my money elsewhere.” storms out of shop.
still not sure what I did to cause that outburst.

still not sure what I did to cause that outburst.

this

it will be the same as that one if you don’t want to wait.

seems innocent but if your eyes were even slightly rolling when you said it you lost a sale 🙁

btw- building it up in an hour is exceptional service imho. I’m more used to being asked to come back again next week

That’s possible I guess, he may have misconstrued my trying to offer him a helpful choice there.

“Well if that’s your attitude, you can keep it. I’ll take my money elsewhere.”

Sounds like a bit of a nutter but as Leffe says, everything should be skewed to positive if possible.

We have one right here you could take away now.
We have another in stock and i could even get it built for you today, possibly within the hour.

and it will be the same as that one if you don’t want to wait

if you look at that statement in the context, to the buyer your basically calling him awkward for making you build another bike thats the same (and we all know, people buying ex-display items expect a discount). This clearly wasnt your intention but looking objectively you must see how another (if slightly uptight) person might see it?

its a sad fact that the bike industry has invested very little time, effort and hard cash in training their staff members, whether sales people or workshop staff

That and few staff have a vested interest in the growth of the business as the shops tend to be owner managed. I think it is also true to say that a lot of folk who make a career of working in bike shops do so because they love bikes, not selling. Folk who like selling stuff go work elsewhere where the pay tends to be better. Anyway, who wants to be upsold?

My feeling is that, at least for me, selling bikes isn’t like selling potatoes or CDs – most people who get as far as coming through the door are already 95% decided that they want to buy something. My job is to help them, not to convince them, if that makes sense.

I’ve known a few people (bike shop owners) who are real businessmen – I once asked the owner of a big Glasgow shop what bike he was riding and he replied, “Oh, I don’t ride them – I had a push bike as a boy”. But most work in bike shops because they like bikes. Because really, the bike industry isn’t fantastically profitable – if you’re interested in selling and money, it’s not for you.

most people who get as far as coming through the door are already 95% decided that they want to buy something

so really, all you have to do to sell something is manage to not be rude, jaded, depressed or exasperated for a few minutes..

(not you personally by the way, just shop staff in general)

easy peasy

most people who get as far as coming through the door are already 95% decided that they want to buy something. My job is to help them, not to convince them, if that makes sense.

Exactly!

They want something, you are there to help them do that and leave happy. As yunki says, easy really.

“I’m doing the Etape on Sunday”

In every bike shop across Scotland the week before the Etape Caledonia-

Customer: “I’m doing the Eeeeeetap”

LBS Staff: “The Etape? Cool, when do you fly to France?”

Customer: “France? No, no, the Eeeeetap Caledonia. I need a load of new clothes and shoes and I’d like to try a new saddle.”

LBS Staff: “Er, isn’t that tomorrow? It’s not a good idea to try new kit on a massive ride like that.”

Customer: “Och, it’ll be fine, I’ve ridden 20 miles before with no bother. Also, can you fix my bike? All the gears are worn out, all the cables ruined and there’s no brake pads left.”

LBS Staff: “We close in 10 minutes. Sorry.”

Why? Whywhywhywhywhy do they do that? Eeeeeeetap my arse.

A personal favourite of mine (not related to being a bellend, just a good LBS story) was this-

Brother of regular customer walks in shop-

Us: “Alright there. When’s your brother going to pick up the bike he dropped into our workshop 6 months ago?”

Brother: “Oh, it’ll be a while. He’s in prison.”

It explained why he came in with a set of wheels pinched from my housemate’s Trek.

Oh, and- a lady came in to buy a hybrid she’d been pondering for a few days. We said “why don’t you take it for a little spin up the street for a few minutes?”

3 hours later she comes back, announces she will take it. But not the one she just took for 3 hours. Because it’d been used. By her.

🙄

(PS- I genuinely believe I was a very nice and friendly salesman, I really do. I certainly sold more than my colleagues at the last place I worked, but sometimes bellends can push you over the edge)

Brother: “Oh, it’ll be a while. He’s in prison.”

I’ve had that – “Right, I’m back out, where’s my bike?”

well, i went in to my LBS

me: have you got any square wheels
LBS: errr
me: you know square
LBS: well i’m sure all our wheels are round, work better that way
me: yer sorry, i mean with a….. er…. forget it

had to leave and go back an other day, felt like a right bellend 😳
my mate worked in there part time and the next time i saw him i may of got a slight ribbing!

i wanted a square edged rim for a bmx with rim brakes, if that makes sense

We used to have a regular chap who just answered ‘chicken’ whenever you asked him anything. I think he had difficulties.

GB

Oh that’s another please don’t come in a wander round sniffing the tyres on the bikes, it really freaks the staff out

OK that made me snort with laughter with a shop full of people…

Customer on phone being awkward…

I say hang on, let me just fetch the mechanic…

Mechanic yells across the shop ‘is that that little C*** again??!!

Customer on phone wonders why he’s just been called that.

Customer on phone comes into shop, asks to see mechanic who is burly and highly tattood.

Customer backs down and mellows. Agrees he has been difficult.

Top customer service/customer education right there.

Customer never comes in your shop again, customer tells all his cycling friends never to go in there because the mechanic is tattooed thug who forgets who pays his salary.

True, still takings were a record by 100k that year so can’t all be bad.

It was a joke about that being top customer service. Things like that just made working there more entertaining.

GB

If you’re a supplier rep, don’t bring in a carbon handlebar and claim it’s “unbreakable”, then get upset when it turns out not to be 😉

“I’m doing the Etape on Sunday”

In every bike shop across Scotland the week before the Etape Caledonia-

We had that but for the London to Brighton.
Every year our (London) bike shop was overrun with people who’d got their bike out of the shed for the first time since London-Brighton last year, wondered why it had seized solid and brought it in for repair (and were unwilling to pay more than £10). 18hrs before the ride started…

The other one but at the opposite end of the scale was the London Triathlon. It’s quite a big corporate gig where all the city boys like to willy-wave about having done a “tri” and there’s loads of sponsorship so a week before the event we used to get bankers and lawyers in all saying “I’m doing the London Tri so I need a bike and some kit and some aero wheels and I’ve got £8000, will that be enough?”

Yes sir, we can certainly help you spend £8000…

Guy walks in to my lbs while I’m in, idly chatting to the staff, I hang back, let the staff crack on.

‘Is (lbs owner) in?’
‘I’m afraid not no, it’s his day off today, he’ll be back in on Monday, is the anything I can do for you?’
‘I need some pedals for that’ points at the dura-ace equipped, carbon, ex team bike exotica hung up behind the counter.
‘OK, he mentioned he’d sold it, what shoes do you have?’

Discussion on what shoes he has.

Shop staff ‘weve got these, at £69.99, or these at 99.99?’
‘I’ll take the hundred quid ones, but (lbs owner) had better throw them with the bike in for that price’
‘Erm’
‘if I’m paying that much for a bike, I want pedals thrown in’
‘I’ll put them to one side and leave a message for (lbs owner) for when you pick it up.’

For clarity, the bike in question is a 2012 ex team Trek Madone that, 9 months ago, would have cost £6000. The guy had bought it for £2500, with full warranty. Clearly he wasn’t happy with that discount…..