Moar Top Tips…being a bell end in your lbs

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  • Moar Top Tips…being a bell end in your lbs
  • cynic-al
    Member

    Walk in, lay your £1.5K+ bike down on its side on the thoroughfare close to the empty bike stand.

    Make an utter **** of putting your bike in said stand after staff points it oit to you.

    Say “I need a tyre, what do uou recommend”

    “What are you after?”

    “A road tyre”

    “What kind of riding do you do?”

    “Road riding”

    😡

    cynic-al
    Member

    Today’s tip:

    Go to the till with a pair of tights in your hand and ask:

    “What is your returns policy?”

    “You can return anything as long as its in a sellable condition”

    “So I can try them out for a few rides and return them if I don’t like them?”

    :X

    rocketman
    Member

    fricken cyclists!

    AlasdairMc
    Member

    This could turn into a game. Mystery shop cynic-al and see whether you can get a post on here.

    bencooper
    Member

    This could turn into a game. Mystery shop cynic-al and see whether you can get a post on here.

    I already have. Twice.

    LoCo
    Member

    I’m watching him right now 😯

    Mark N
    Member

    Customers! Who would have them. 😀

    Premier Icon scotroutes
    Subscriber

    alasdairmc wrote:

    This could turn into a game. Mystery shop cynic-al and see whether you can get a post on here.

    But he knows me so it wouldn’t be a mystery 😈

    coatesy
    Member

    You could try taking your mate’s (Mr Jones) bike in for a service, but book it in under your name (Mr Smith), then get Mr Jones to arrange for somebody else to collect his bike without them knowing about Mr Smith’s existance, or the shop staff knowing about Mr Jones’ existance.Guaranteed to cause needless confusion.

    Shoe’s on the other foot for me. Bike mechanic in my lbs is a proper bellend, His attitude and demeanour make me stay away from the shop. And he’s ginger.

    Shop is in Prestwick, So if there is a ginger bike mechanic from said shop looking in, **** off to Cyprus like you said you were going to do.

    PeterPoddy
    Member

    Or:

    Spend £130 on road shoes and pedals for spinning (pedals for new bike when it arrives) then bring in cheap BSO to be assembled when your husband can’t (£40 PDI) then wonder why mechanic (my good self) is slightly exasperated as he tries to explain why the cheapest Trek hybrid in the shop would have been a better bet for £5 (yes, £5) more than you’ve paid for BSO for your 3 day ride to Paris.
    Honestly, the chainring spider on that bike was a stamped out piece of steel I could flex with my hand and I toed the brake pads in by bending the calliper as there was no adjustment on the pad. £280 she paid, (plus £40 PDI) Criminal rip off. A £325 Trek 7.0fx would wipe the floor with it.

    coatesy
    Member

    Bicycle shaped object

    Premier Icon crazy-legs
    Subscriber

    BSO?

    Bike Shaped Object.
    Disparaging term used to describe the heaps of shit masquerading as bikes which are sold in supermarkets and departments stores.

    Premier Icon crazy-legs
    Subscriber

    Anyway, back to the thread…

    Go into bike shop, take up all the salespersons time by asking inane questions, squeeze the brakes and bounce the suspension of every bike on the shop floor then after an hour announce that “you’ll think about it” and leave.

    Premier Icon Popocatapetl
    Subscriber

    Make sure you tell the staff “I’m an engineer” when you take your bike in to be rectified due to your own ham fisted fettling 😀

    Premier Icon scaredypants
    Subscriber

    What shoes do you sell al? – might come in and size some up

    coatesy
    Member

    Aaaah, the engineer! There’s a theory in the bike world that engineers don’t actually exist in real life, they’re just apparitions that occur at exactly the same time as those ham fisted breakages.

    STATO
    Member

    Ah yes, the ‘qualified mechanic’ in my LBS managed to tear the stans tubless tape on my wheels when taking the tyres off to true the wheels, then also put both tyres on backwards. Good job he’d been on a special mavic wheel building course or the tyres would have probably been fitted inside out!

    LoCo
    Member

    Coatsey, ‘speaking as an Engineer’ you know it’s your/the bike you sold/fixeds fault and not me being a tool 😛

    cfinnimore
    Member

    Good day pal?

    We’ll see that window smashed yet!

    Edit: I was saving all my stories for when I exit retail.

    orangeboy
    Member

    My favourite phrase has to be ” I’m an engineer , this item is faulty by design ”

    LoCo
    Member

    Oh that’s another please don’t come in a wander round sniffing the tyres on the bikes, it really freaks the staff out 😯 Walton Cycles, Walton on Thames 2000 ish.

    cfinnimore
    Member

    “I’m doing the Etape on Sunday”

    “This Sunday”?

    “Aye”

    here we go

    Rorschach
    Member

    “Please do not stroke the bikes whilst having your other hand down the front of your shorts….touching yourself.This is a family orientated shop and there are children present”
    True Story brah.

    lemonysam
    Member

    Last week I was in a bike shop when I bent down to tie my shoes and caught a pleasant leathery whiff of something. After a few more sniffs I realised it was the saddle of the bike next to me. I then realised I was crouching in the corner of a bike shop sniffing a saddle whilst being eyeballed by one of the staff. I left pretty sharpish. I’ve got a bike on order there for my girlfriend, I’m not sure I have the chutzpah to go and collect it.

    bencooper
    Member

    The one I don’t get is tyre pinching. Why do customers do it? They look at a bike, and then they squeeze the tyres.

    It’s just weird.

    Rorschach
    Member

    “Please don’t lift the £3.7 road frame off the stand”
    “Why not? (Lifting up frame and smacking the top tube into the chainset mounted above it).”
    ” 🙄 “
    “You should have a sign”
    “Like THAT ONE 👿 ”

    Premier Icon scaredypants
    Subscriber

    Last week I was in a bike shop when I bent down to tie my shoes and caught a pleasant leathery whiff of something. After a few more sniffs I realised it was the saddle of the bike next to me. I then realised I was crouching in the corner of a bike shop sniffing a saddle whilst being eyeballed by one of the staff

    Worst

    Excuse

    Ever

    “Please don’t lift the £3.7 road frame off the stand”

    If I chuck in another 30p, can I have some carbon wheels ? 😀

    cfinnimore
    Member

    oooh, a good one.

    Why do small children go MENTAL in bike shops. As if it was a village hall and someone just injected glucose into them.

    Got a workshop under the shop? You know what I mean.

    Premier Icon scotroutes
    Subscriber

    “Yes madam, that is reflective material on that buff.”

    “No madam, I don’t think it’s a good idea to make your cat wear it for road safety.”

    bencooper
    Member

    Saturday afternoon, in a busy shop, is perhaps not the best time to announce in a loud voice: “I want a recumbent because I have terrible piles!”

    bencooper
    Member

    Oh, and:

    Roadie A to roadie B: “I see you pack North – is that comfier?”

    lemonysam
    Member

    Worst
    Excuse

    Ever

    I’m pretty sure I covered up my massive, throbbing erection on the waddle out so I may have got away with it.

    Gary_C
    Member

    The one I don’t get is tyre pinching. Why do customers do it? They look at a bike, and then they squeeze the tyres.

    It’s just weird.

    Probably the same ones who kick the tyres when looking at a new car.

    jekkyl
    Member

    The squeezing of tyres is a buying signal, if someone does that in your shop SELL to them. Their heart desires the thing they’re touching and physically touching they are imagining owning it. It’s like when someone strokes their thumb across the screen of a mobile phone they’re contemplating purchasing, they want it.

    coatesy
    Member

    “I’m sure this one’s the right size for me,and I know you’re very busy, but could you get one built in a different size so I can be certain?”

    STATO
    Member

    The squeezing of tyres is a buying signal, if someone does that in your shop SELL to them.

    None of these guys have time or interest in selling anything, they are more interested in faffing in the back of the workshop and moaning about how hard business is.

    jekkyl
    Member

    the guy in my lbs is a tool regards selling, I work in sales ad I cringe when I hear him speak to people and he misses opportunities to upsell. He’s always slightly offhand with everyone who walks in, for eg, was in there last week asking about a wheel build and a guy comes in and says ‘do you have any hybrids in?’ lbs owner nods sarcastically ‘Yessss we have hybrids’ and then waits for the guy to speak again. No idea!

    @jekkyl

    its a sad fact that the bike industry has invested very little time, effort and hard cash in training their staff members, whether sales people or workshop staff

    the industry is on the up and up, as more consumers get into bikes, but pay, conditions and training have not kept pace with the profits. Actually, many staff are now on zero-hour contracts on minimum pay, and of course for such “disposable assets” you would not expend profits in training these “numbers”, but that’s another story entirely…

    its not a secret that many of the bike shops in London actually relied on Evans Cycles to train workshop staff up to Cytech 1 / 2 / 3, and then to take on these ex-Evans staff, at no cost to the new employer

    unfortunately for these bike shops, Evans don’t offer Cytech training any more, just their unrecognized, in-house “Evans Academy” ‘Bike Builder’ training

    shame, it means these other shops might have to start paying some of their profits to actually training their workshop staff

    the sad thing for the sale staff is that a few hundred ££ spent with an experienced sales training coach will reap instant dividends for sales staff to learn how to control and close sales, but once again…the bike shops are too stupid to realize this potential 🙁

    geologist
    Member

    Haha, I am that real life engineer who is **** useless with a bike.
    I get paid a very good wage and get flown business class all over the world to fix highly complex military communications systems when they go faulty in action. But can I index my rear mech!!!! That will be a no. 😉

    Good job my lbs are a top bunch (and very patient) 🙂

    bencooper
    Member

    None of these guys have time or interest in selling anything, they are more interested in faffing in the back of the workshop and moaning about how hard business is.

    Actually my workshop is near the front of the shop, and business is pretty good 😉

    I don’t do “selling”, though. There’s a funny (though it’s not meant to be) book called Principles of Bicycle Retailing – I read that and then decided to do the exact opposite.

    smell_it
    Member

    Sadly ime the easiest way to be a bell end in your lbs, seems to be to get a job there.

    cfinnimore
    Member

    For example, do you get the same service in Primark as you do in your local LBS?

    Often it’s the same-minimum-wage but the time invested per-sale is quite unbalanced.

    Retail is retail.

    yunki
    Member

    ‘do you have any hybrids in?’ lbs owner nods sarcastically ‘Yessss we have hybrids’ and then waits for the guy to speak again. No idea!

    This seems to be the form in any bike shop that I’ve ever been in anywhere..
    I think it takes a very primitive and malfunctioning brain to work in a bike shop..

Viewing 45 posts - 1 through 45 (of 73 total)

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