Don’t really know why I’m posting this but I think I need to get some things off my chest.

I had a phone call on Sunday 11th that my Dad had suffered a massive heart attack and didn’t make it to the ambulance. To add to the devastation my parents live in Bulgaria.

He hasn’t been well for a while, but repeated visits to the doctor and multiple tests have revealed nothing that should have led to this. To add that he has been hiding how unwell he was feeling from my Mum, as well as the rest of the family, so it’s come out of the blue.

He wasn’t my biological father, but has been my “Dad” for over 40 years. A kinder, more giving man you couldn’t fail to meet. He had time for everyone it seems except himself. He’d given my Mum everything, including a retirement in Bulgaria with her sister, my aunt.

But. He has left a massive mess to sort out. A half finished house and grounds, a physical mess of junk, and no will. In Bulgaria dying without a will leaves a red tape nightmare. Everything needs to be signed, stamped, authorised by solicitors, mayors, noteories, with absolutely no help from the British Embassy whatsoever. I arranged to fly out the following day, Monday, and managed to miss my flight. Second flight out on Tuesday, but into Romania. My two step-brothers only managed to stay until Friday, so only two days to help.

I’m in Bulgaria trying to sort his affairs, with the aim of flying home to the UK on Friday 23rd to be with my family for Christmas. My Mum is coming home, she isn’t able to live on her own, especially in Bulgaria. They lived in the back of beyond, 25km from the nearest “town”. Their village is populated by old gypsys. No one under 60 lives in the farming villages other than in the summer months.

So my immediate future looks like my Mum is moving in, repeated trips out to Bulgaria to wrap up the financials, tidy the house and land, and put it on the market for probably a third of what they bought it for 6 years ago. Add to that my 2 step brothers don’t want to sell the house, want their share of the estate, which Bulgarian law is weighted towards, and are happy to leave my Mum, their step-mum, who brought them up from 5 and 2, without a pot to piss in. All whilst not helping.

It’s also **** freezing, there’s no logs for the shit log burner, the only source of heating, and it’s snowing.

Well thats a big bag of shit isnt it. Do your best for your mum, its all you can do. Good luck.

sorry to hear (all of) that BBS – best of luck getting it sorted

You know, losing your dad is a “thing”, everyone goes through it if they live long enough, it’s shit. But it’s a shitty enoug thing to go through under any circumstances, last thing you need is a storm of that intensity – thoughts to you and your mum, all the best for getting through it, and be mindful that he wouldn’t have intended to leave things as they are.

**** , sorry for your loss by any measure he was your father his loss will hurt but from my experience time will not heal the pain but will give you perspective and make it easier to bare.
Your mum must be your priority and the only thing you can do is keep your head up and keep moving forward.

Death of a parent is always tough – even if their affairs are totally sorted. My thoughts are with you.
My Dad died 25 years ago and I still miss him hugely
Crankboy is right – your priority must be your Mum.
As for the house and stuff….separate the essential legal stuff – intestate with property to dispose of – from the practical ‘tidying up’ stuff.
What I mean is focus on what you have to do; anything covered by the ‘physical mess of junk’ – just give it away to the locals. Either sell house and land as is or consider completing the project and then selling as that would probably be more profitable.
Don’t spend more time and effort than is absolutely necessary to close this out – unless you have the ‘appetite’ to complete the house project.

Thanks for the words, guys.

TBH I’ve gone past the initial tears when I open a cupboard or walk into the workshop, I’ve pretty much done all I can with paperwork, a local solicitor has told me to file probate in the UK, it will solve the inheritance issues, but not the family arguments. I’m just frustrated and angry that I’ve had to do it on my own, and that given the warning of how much of a mess my uncle left when he died 4 years ago without a will, that my Dad would leave everything to chance.

The house “could” be very nice. It’s just needs so much work. It looks like the gypsys have been living here already.

*Nothing against gypsys, but in Bulgaria they really are the stereotype that is portrayed. But they are so desperately poor it’s hard not to be.

Support your Mum; try to ignore noises from step-brothers; focus on the cleanest and easiest exit possible as you and your Mum will then be able to start thinking about the future.

You have my sympathy, my father died 18 years & 11 days ago its a crap time of year to lose anyone never mind the extra problem you have with it being outside the norm of family situations.

I had to stay strong for a step mother that was “needy” at the best of times but it made me closer to my step sisters who to this day are still good friends

Sorry to hear about your loss and the fact that you’ve been left to deal with the estate alone. As others have said your Mum is the priority now and it sounds like you’re doing everything you can. Wish there was more I could say. Thoughts are with you, take care.

Man thats bad news especially this time of year. I can offer no advice, but can pose questions.

What happens if you do nothing about the mess?

Your flight / living costs as well as personal costs are going to be substantial, it sounds like the value of the property is diminished, without wanting to know details, how much do you stand to loose by simply walking away and making a fresh start with your Mum in the UK, can you afford that.

That will force the other parties to do something and since they are the main benefactors they should assist in.

Sorry if this sounds harsh.

Once again sorry for your loss.

Ahhh, that’s a bit pants.

Can’t add much more other than look after yourself, friends and family too.

So sorry, BigBlackShed. Take care of yourself and your mum. Don’t feel the need to sort everything out on behalf of everyone else. They need to pitch in.

My sincere condolences Bigblackshed.

Can I ask, since it might help you and make the rest of us think for a moment before it’s too late for us, to share three happy memories of your dad.

Just keep buggering on.