It’s basically a shoddy response, that now understably is emotive.

They’re just being shonky. Stick to plan you have fella and it’ll soon be over and another life lesson learned 🙂

I sometimes wonder what good actually comes from doing the right thing?

Dont change your persona due to a couple of bad eggs, thankfully the good people of this world out number the cretins.
Hope you get the situation sorted.

Chin up mate dont let the bastards drag you down.
If you get no luck after pay day then contact the parents and explain the situation.

I had a couple of irritating friends/money incidents recently.

1) ‘lads*’ weekend in Budapest, leant an old friend some money for similar reasons to the OP, he then rounded down the exchange rate by quite a margin (cash machine withdrawl Vs what google says) to pay me back. Not friendship ending, but a bit insulting/irritating.

2) Gave someone a lift to another lads weekend away in Wales on the assumption petrol would end up being split 50/50. This guy doesn’t drive and regularly get’s lifts off me (which means I always end up being designated driver for BBQ’s etc) and regualry moans about the high cost of public transport relative to petrol, so maybe he just needs a reality check for the actual running costs of a car, but when I said the tank of fuel would be about £75-£80 and he rounded that down to £30 it was a bit insulting. Whenever I’ve gotten a lift like that I make dam sure I over-pay to the point the driver should be insulted they’re taking the money on the basis the fuel is only about half the cost of actualy driving and they’re the one that did the work and couldn’t drink!

*suprisingly high brow, not the strippers and midgets type

For trips where the driver picks up tolls and petrol, I usually buy them a bit of food/drink as a thank you and then ask them to tell me what the cost is for the whole trip.

The money I used to cover these costs was left to me by my late father, for me to spend enjoying myself

Speculating wildly here, but were they aware of this aspect, and perhaps have in mind that you’ve “just received an inheritance” and therefore they don’t think it’s as urgent a matter as you do?

To be clear, I’m not in any way suggesting that would be justifiable, just wondering if it might be the case?

Maybe I should have gone on the trip with some of you folks instead, you sound like a decent bunch overall 🙂

@ edlong – the moneys origin was never made public, only on here today. as far as they know it’s my own hard-earned.

OP,

If you are willing to lend someone money then be prepared to write it off as well.

Your friends are not your friends if you need to chase up the money. No communication or reply from them simply indicate that your friends are actually not friends but acquaintances. Not your new found “best” friends.

Never lend money to someone unless they have the means to pay back.

Also why on earth did they not check their cards before going …

You have been taken for a ride “mate”.

😯

fr0sty – Member

Maybe I should have gone on the trip with some of you folks instead, you sound like a decent bunch overall

Crikey … could you give me your banking details, DOB etc please.

Surely the provenance of the cash (i.e. inheritence or earnings) is irrelevant.
You borrow cash, you agree when and how to pay it back, you pay it back.

Chewkw, don’t be such a nonchalantly rude arse.

im guessing that the issue with the guy that owes you money is not the fact that he owes you it but the fact you didnt leave on good terms after the trip? so hes thinking fu?

unless ive missread that

bearnecessities – Member

Chewkw, don’t be such a nonchalantly rude arse.

Hey, rude boy what’s up by calling me rude? 😯

What I said above may one day save his life.

I’ve lent my best friend relatively significant sums of money over the past few years to help him out when he was struggling to make ends meet. This was on the proviso that when I needed it back he would most likely tap up his dad to pay me. The total was £14k by the time I needed it for a house deposit, at which point it became apparent that his dad wasn’t in any position to help him out. As such my deposit was smaller by a corresponding amount, thus my mortgage has ended up costing my more. I also worked out that I would have got about £2k of interest on the cash had it been in the bank instead of with him.

No idea when he might be in a position to make any dent on what he owes. Of course this hasn’t stopped him going on holidays or doing loads of DH racing….

My cousin also owes me £8k and it’s been a pain trying to persuade him to sort himself out and return it.

All in all, not in a desperate hurry to lend anyone any cash in the future!

Of course this hasn’t stopped him going on holidays or doing loads of DH racing..

Which suggests that he simply treats you as a line of credit and doesn’t have any respect for you. You continue the friendship in the hope that it’ll keep your hopes of the money being returned to you one day.

I’d consider the friendship very onesided and personally its over/not a friendship worth anything. Similar to walking in and finding your girlfriend kneeling infront of a bloke. A betrayal/lack of respect.

Can’t you put in place a formal means of recovery? The fact that he pays out for holidays etc says he is in a position to pay you back but choses to fob you off/hope the debt will go away eventually.

I know you posted this before- don’t you think its time (with respect) to realise he doesn’t consider you a best friend/wouldn’t extend the same courtesy to you and with the holidays etc is being disrespectful- to go legal/small claims/recovery. He’ll cry foul- so **** what. Is he a friend that you’d cosndier lost?

Sometimes it takes a token thing like money for you to see the real value/real face of people who you thought were close to you.

Lending money to friends is always fraught with danger. You can say no and risk your friendship, or you can lend it them and risk your friendship.

Ergo, the moment your friend asks for money you know they hate you.

I offered a mate a loan to buy a Kona Explosif, years ago, think it was £800 or so & guess what?
He paid every penny back. I think I actually told him to stuff the last payment.
Even though due to distance wer’e only mates on FB, he’s still my mate & I’d do it again.
Some ‘mates’ aren’t though.

and he rounded that down to £30 it was a bit insulting.

I have a mate like that in our 40’s and still doing it
Expect me to drive out of my way to give him lifts places and wont offer any payment

thinks i am a out of order because after two decades I declined to keep spending my money to drive him around.

i honestly dont know if he is taking the piss or just detached from reality

I’m amazed that people will sail so close to the wind and yet still book a holiday? 😯
If you have to wait till payday for your account to get into the black you need to reassess your spending not bugger off on a jolly.
I wouldn’t want people with no scruples or basic money management skills as friends so not had any money lending issues,

If you are willing to lend someone money then be prepared to write it off as well.

This.

And tbh is no different to how any commercial operation works – they KNOW that some will never be paid back.

Don’t. Quickest way to have no friends. If you do, write it off at the outset and then you can only be pleasantly surprised.

(Oops missed ^)

I wouldn’t want people with no scruples or basic money management skills as friends so not had any money lending issues,

Some of my best friends have no money management skills(*). They may still be wonderful people in other departments 🙂

(*) some people may say I have issues in that area myself …..

EDIT – as others have recommended – don’t “lend” money to friends expecting to see it back.

Some folk are quite communist in their outlook, if you have more money that them, and they know it, they see it as perfectly alright to do a bit of ‘averaging’ on behalf of wider society by spending your money.

A mate of mine is notorious for this ‘You can afford it’ he says when you ask for it back.

Bit of an update. I had a very friendly and apologetic message from guy number 2 on Thursday explaining that he’d been very busy and was ready to transfer the full amount, but still nothing!

As for my ‘friend’ he’s ignored another 2 messages now and a few phone calls, so I know I’m being avoided.

I’ve just sent them both a message explaining that whilst it would be shit as I considered them mates, If the money isn’t transferred today then I’ll have to start chasing things officially.

I’ve looked into the small claims court option and it’s totally viable, so if calling their folks doesn’t work then thats the route I’ll have to go down. Why can’t people just do the RIGHT things ffs? I’ve learned a lot this last few weeks…

Only go on holiday with those you love, and only lend money that you are happy to give, then you are happy to wait as long as it takes to pay you back.

Dont beat yourself up about this, things happen in life that make you question friendships.
Like I said before they should have let you know if they were short at the time but wait until end of month payday then chase them, with legal action if need be.

I have over the years but wised up pretty quickly.
My sister and BL borrowed £400 to buy an old car with the promise of payment ASAP. Got my money back about 18mth later after they sold it for £800. Free car for a year and a half plus profit and not even a pint!
Her sister and BL don’t ask to borrow, just expect you to pay without any guilt. Used to go out golf/beer/etc and he never had any money with him, you pay and I’ll drop it in later……. Started taking just the right amount of money out in the end.
She is no different, meals/nights out/in, always has to go to the speed bank but never makes it.
And don’t get me started on people wanting stuff done for free!
I find it best to upset someone by saying no than having to ask for it back!

You have been back less than a week. I understand what its like, when letting people borrow money. I’ve done it a few times and has made travelling quite interesting. Never again. Ive lost friends over this, getting parents etc involved after a few days is like a kick in the nuts for the borrower it could go either way. If he’s ignored your messages and calls, what do you think its going to be like after you tell his parents.

Give them your bank details, make it nice and clear give them both a week. Then if nothing you know the friendship is over and go all out.

As per last post. Just been out watching my daughter perform in a show. Went for a cheapie Italian lunchtime special afterwards.
SIL and her 2 boys and also the MIL.
The bill comes and I throw in half (3 of us) and the MIL throws in the other half.
SIL walks out having not paid a penny.
Boils my piss!

There’s only maybe 1 or 2 of my really close mates that I’d lend money too now, similar to selling bike bits – I’ve ‘sold’ a few items to friends and never seen the money. I’d rather sell on here now to someone I don’t even know. Quite sad that.

As Johnny from Mean Streets says – ‘You’re the only jerk off I can borrow money with out paying back’:

I know it’s irritating but I think it would benefit you not to get riled up by all this stuff. It does nowt to achieve anything and just means you lose out more by being stressed/pissed off.

Either calmly explain to them how their behaviour affects you, or accept them for who they are and don’t get stressed about it, or don’t involve them in your life any more. None of these are that easy sometimes but they’re the only constructive options IMO.

These days with quick and easy access to pay day loans, it shouldn’t really matter if pay day is a few days away, they should take the hit on the (relatively) small charges in order to get the cash to you.

Hope it all works out but fear the worst 🙁

The total was £14k by the time I needed it for a house deposit

struggling to make ends meet.

this hasn’t stopped him going on holidays or doing loads of DH racing….

turboferret, I’m sorry to be rude but you must be an absolute mug. That’s unbelievable. I would be taking him to court. Even on the lower tax rate, that will be about £18k of your wages.
Did you lend him further money after he already owed you and still went on holiday etc?

I can’t believe the amount of money some people are lending to others! £14k – that’s crazy, really crazy!

Unless it’s the odd few pounds here and there, I either GIVE people the money or nothing at all. It blesses them if I give it to them and I don’t have to worry a jot about it coming back. But I like to give to people in need of it, not just for a holiday!

Mind you, I don’t think any of my friends would ever not pay me back, because they are real friends. I think some people are confusing spongers with friends!

Turboferret, just want to add my voice to this, 14k??! Get that shit back dude!