http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2012/jun/29/tom-cruise-katie-holmes-divorce

Kate, pm me if you’ve secretly got a thing for non-scientologist mountain bikers with missing front teeth.

How did you lose your teeth?

Get in line mate 😉 mmmmm joey

How did you lose your teeth?

On the highway to the Danger Zone. 8)

On the highway to the Danger Zone.

You mean not flossing

You mean not flossing…on the danger zone

FTFY.

It was said when they married that they were just entering a five year contract of “marriage” to try and quash Tom’s gay rumours and to produce a child.

It was said when they married that they were just entering a five year contract of “marriage” to try and quash Tom’s gay rumours and to produce a child.

Link to evidence or it didn’t happen.

Tom Cruise is nuts.

Edukator – Member
Tom Cruise is nuts.

For once, he speaks sense!

Cruise is a cultynutjob of the highest order. Scientology? Of do eff off, would you?

Other than noteeth, who’s probably brushing his hair all nice just in case, does anyone else really care?

who’s probably brushing his hair all nice

“Hair is the first thing. And teeth the second. Hair and teeth. A man got those two things he’s got it all.”

– James Brown.

🙁

Seriously tho, Kate – pick up the phone!

I always speak sense as I see it.

“Hair is the first thing. And teeth the second. Hair and teeth. A man got those two things he’s got it all.”

– James Brown.

Don’t worry mate, I’ve got a full set of neither.

I’m a bit taller than the scientologist… that’s got to count for something.

Scientology? Of do eff off, would you?

I’m proud of being ejected from the Auckland branch of their “church” for making a similar protestation. Not long after, I was similarly ejected from the San Francisco branch of the Moonies for the same reason. Why wouldn’t they let me stay? Bigots…

I’m a bit taller than the scientologist… that’s got to count for something.

…and there’s no way on this earth that you could possibly be a bigger w****r. Or a more wooden actor. I think you’re in with a shot to be honest.

I don’t really care, Zimbo, one that is bothering me though is Paradis and Depp. The view of Mme Paradis’ arse in Noce Blanche convinced me Depp would never find anything better, wrong apparently.

The view of Mme Paradis’ arse in Noce Blanche

Not seen that. Next stop, Lovefilm…

I think you’re in with a shot to be honest.

She’s browsing STW right now, I just know it. Probably been lurking on the big hitter religion threads.

Probably been lurking on the big hitter religion threads.

Check the “for sale” section too. She might be flogging Cruise’s Grifter, just to spite him.

She’s browsing STW right now, I just know it. Probably been lurking on the big hitter religion threads.

As a fan of whistling, I love a man with no teeth.

Call me.

😆

Check the “for sale” section too

For £1800 this 7 speed custom cruiser designed by Mr Armani could be yours. Apparently he gifted them to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes as a wedding present.

*Watches classifieds, thinks of rubbish cruiser-related jokes with which to break the ice.

Edit: I knew it! Got a good feeling about this. 😀

Can we meet up at Gordano Services (bring the cruisers!), just off the M5?

You’ll recognise my lovely grill.

Katie just called, so all you losers can forget it! 😀

Got a good feeling about this.

…and so you should.

Hopefully you are not a loser like my last 2 male friends:*

*or CountZero.

“the gift” – she certainly was 😈

Hopefully you are not a loser

I am a winner, darlin’. 8)

Specifically, I have won a painting competition in junior school.

That’s brilliant!

Only one problem that is stopping me running away from my million dollar lifestyle, and falling into your toothless arms…

Tom has locked me out of the house, I believe he has also locked himself in the closet, and won’t come out. As a result, I cannot get the wads of cash I have. The wads of cash I have due to me being Katie Holmes.

While I am waiting for these strapping young firemen to help extricate Tom from the closet, and then the house, could you possibly lend me a tenner…I mean 10 dollars, and possibly your card number, expiry date and that 3 digit code off the back?

I repeat. I am 110%, Katie Holmes.

Here’s a pic to prove:

Specifically, I have won a painting competition in junior school.

I think you’ve blown it there. No-one likes a show-off.

I repeat. I am 110%, Katie Holmes.

No problem – I can’t see the pic on this computer, but just knowing that I’m going to be looking at your lovely face for the rest of my life is all the proof I need.

Bob Diamond geezer handles all my personal banking, via Western Union – he’ll be in touch.

Can’t wait to see you x

ps. am a bit worried Tom’s cruiser might be too small – can you supply top tube length & standover?

I think you’ve blown it there. No-one likes a show-off.

Jealousy is a terrible thing – especially when it concerns a frankly unrecognisable picture of a tiger.

It was said when they married that they were just entering a five year contract of “marriage” to try and quash Tom’s gay rumours and to produce a child.

Link to evidence or it didn’t happen.

http://superofficialnews.com/details-of-tom-cruisekatie-holmes-5-year-marriage-contract-emerge/

Link to evidence or it didn’t happen.

I can confirm it’s true.

I’ve been Katie Holmes.

Thank you, and good night.

No gay jokes of any kind. This includes calling the movie Top Gun, gay.

But it IS!!!

No way!

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwG3Y6YcPvw[/video]

[video]http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UyW8FdzH9dg[/video]
F1 cars? Easy!!!
Blokes a legend!!

So that’s why he was called Goose. Not a name but an instruction.

I liked that vid.

Not a proper Tom Cruise vid as there was no shot of him running and he didn’t punch a wall with manly anger.