I know someone who chews, actually chews, porridge

If you don’t need to chew it then the chances are my GF didn’t make it.

I have a friend who, despite being a lovely guy from a very normal background, eats his food like he’s a Neanderthal – he uses only a fork to scoop up his food as quickly as possible whilst the other arm forms a protective barrier around the plate of feed like he is afraid someone will take it from him (he always eats with his mouth open too) .

He can demolish a plate of food in the fraction of the time it takes me to eat and if we are out having a meal I always try to avoid being sat opposite him as it is very off-putting.

Fast, hate food going cold…. Also hate having conversations whilst eating, they’re for before or after, not during 😡

I masticate with the best of them, always last to finish, always enjoy every mouthful, don’t see the point of hoofing down food.

*chomp chomp gulp* say what?

I struggle to chew and it seems to be a bit of a family trait, sometimes I try really hard to chew food properly but before I know it I’ve auto-swallowed.

I went to public school. You learn to eat the shit they serve you three times a day very quickly – linger and you’d puke.

That said, when eating in company I’m also polite enough to pace my eating to match my companions.

But grabbing lunch at work? So fast I think I’ve got a disorder….

Really slowly , unless its amazingly good , then slightly quicker.

Its not a race , I do eat alot portion wise and its usually cold by the time I have finished.

Out for a curry and its 2 popadoms each , I rarely get my 2nd as my piggy mates have hoovered up thier 2 and steal mine.
Then i have a friend JT who eats with a rowing fashion in a blur of glinting cutlery.
How he doesnt cut himself is a mystery as food is constantly being launched into his massive mouth and sent south with amazing precision and accuracy. He is usually wiping his plate with his fingers and then licking them clean as I am 1/3 of the way through my meal, and he is eyeing my food left of the plate warmer thingys longingly. But he knows a fork will be in the back of his hand faster than you could say Mango Chutney if he tried it on.

Half the speed of my partner, twice the speed of her son, and the same speed as the other three kids we have.

She is a veggie so she might be eating fast to deal with the boredom of her food… 😉

There’s currently a thread on Mumsnet about chewing yoghurt 😯
It’s really about you, isn’t it, Bunnyhop? Did you realise Mr Bunnyhop secretly posts on Mumsnet?

Twice the speed of my partner, and she’s 4 times as fast as the little fella… I do try to slow down as much as I can…
Is it because up north (where I grew up) food cools quicker, while down here in Surrey it doesn’t cool quite so quickly?

I don’t think it’s always about chewing and swallowing, some people don’t seem to get the next load ready whilst chewing the last. They’re weird.
I have to slow myself down if out for a meal so as to not look like a gready pig.

I’m faster than anyone I know apart from on friend who is somehow twice as fast as me.
I like food but don’t savour it unless at a posh restaurant which does little servings, then I’m often the last to finish.

I eat at approximately this speed:

[video]https://youtu.be/ACMIXmv3j3g[/video]

Very quickly unless eating out somewhere nice. I view eating as a chore most of the time and just like to get it out of the way. Fuel up and go!

There needs to be a ‘table manners’ thread next.

Esme – Now I know what Jules gets up to all day 😉

+1 with ourmaninthenorth
Public school food was awful, at prep school we sat 12 per table with a master at the end no one could leave until all had finished. Just hoover it up so you didn’t have to taste it, also it was tepid anyway so go slow and it went cold which was worse. Also always have something to discretely hide/puke into then dump it in the pig bin on the way out. Great days, still I know what all the cutlery does

Im afraid one of my utter bastard father tendencies comes through when it comes to table manners. It doesnt matter how utterly awkward and biomechanically ridiculous correct cutlery use my be, you will damn well do it right at my table! Because one day you may well end up dining at high table with important people like Justin Sheeran and Ed Bieber and they will judge you!

Stoner – what are you drinking? Non of that made sense to me 😀

*hic*

Meths. But in the correct shaped glass, I’ll have you know.

I eat very quickly, I reckon it goes back to school dinners. The faster you eat the more time to play football and heat each other up.

It’s more an efficiency thing than wolfing, what sort of person puts down cutlery between mouthfuls?

Table manners are for the lower middle classes…

and heat each other up

Public school?

… ha ha not exactly…

Stoner
My nephews are unable to hold cutlery properly and it really niggles me. Mind you they also choose what to eat and then discard whats not flavour of the month and then eat a huge pudding .
Along with pretty much throwing the cutlery down onto the plate and pushing it away in some sort of display of defiance ,or a sign to all that they have no intention of eating any of the vegatables left on the plate .
aaarrggggghhhhhh

Bugs the he’ll out of me when the step D comes back from her Neanderthal fathers and loses all scope of table manners. Other half and I spend two weeks encouraging her to use her cutlery properly then she’s off for another weekend of cave man dining.

I eat really fast, always have done. But even if I try to eat slowly, or more deliberately. I still end up finishing before everyone else.

My niece is similar, singletrackmind

My brother is a softie so not one to pick her up on table manners. When she eats with her cousins there’s a rude awakening…

I do eat more slowly than my wife though, she was one of 3 kids and I think they needed to eat fast in order to get to finish their own meals.

No 2 of 3 brothers, you snooze you loose, especially painful if you’ve been saving a roast potato for last. I have temper it with the in-laws as they see a meals as a time for a chat. Unless I’m careful I’m finished before they’ve really started 😳

I eat as quick as possible. Then I finish my wifes leftovers as she’s a bit slower. Then I finish my sons leftovers as he’s slower again. Then I finish any leftovers I’ve not dished up.

Way too fast, and guess what? I have lots of digestion problems which has culminated in a sore stomach for several years. So have to now avoid sugar too as part of all this.

Lots of acid, heartburn and bloating. It takes concentration to eat slowly and I always revert to type.

Not good at all.

Really slow! At BPW the other week we all sat down with our enchiladas, I’d just cut the corner off and it was heading to my mouth when I happened to glance at my mates plates! ALL ROUND INHALATION! **** me did any of you taste that?

The MIL is glacially slow. She assembles half a fork containing a morsel of every food type on the plate, looks at it and then replaces the last morsel with something else, sometimes several times before it gets eaten.

When the food does finally make it to her mouth, she puts the cutlery down and chews until it’s pureed.

We joke about it every time but it’s just how she is.

Kinda depends for me.
Not exercising much at the moment, so not that hungry, tends to make me eat more slowly.
Other times when i’ve been riding a lot, I may as well be a food hoover.

It doesnt matter how utterly awkward and biomechanically ridiculous correct cutlery use my be, you will damn well do it right at my table!

You’d love me. I’ve no idea, I don’t recall ever being shown how to use a knife and fork (my only memory is of my dad once saying “don’t you know how to use a knife?” like I was intellectually subnormal). I hold a fork like a pen and a knife like I’m going to stab someone. Is that right? Know knows (or cares).