She is absolutely adamant that she hasn’t done anything, I don’t know what to do.

Assuming you still have access to the tracking data, does she later drop the friend off somewhere? Do they each drive in their own vehicles? Why don’t they meet at the friends house or a bar/cafe? It all sounds a bit fishy to me. Of course, maybe she’s a twitcher and is too embarrassed to admit it.

Why does she say that they went to that place in particulr ?
Was it dark or could they have been going for a walk (even then, a local park would be way more likely)
Maybe you could chat to the friend ?

(it’s not a popular local, err, hotspot in the evenings is it ??)

It’s a shame you have confronted her with a limited amount of information, to be honest.

As underhand as it may have seemed, keeping your powder dry & following this up over the next week or so would have given you a lot more info.
But, that’s not an option now.

I’d call BS on the talking to a friend story; your gut instinct probably knows what’s going on….

She says sometimes her mate drives and sometimes she does, they work shifts so nowhere is open when they finish work.

In hindsight I shouldn’t have said anything so soon I agree.

Sounds rough, hope you get it sorted out one way or another.

I guess being honest is the next step? You obviously don’t trust her, and don’t like her explanation, so tell her that and take it from there.

Stewing over it long term wont help either of you…

I was going to say that a month or so ago my OH’s phone was certain she wasn’t at the gym… (find my iphone) … it pinpointed down to a house with a solid dot….

I stupidly confronted this early…. she was adamant she was at the gym and pissed I was “tracking her” … (which I wasn’t really I was looking to find the kids iPad it’s just the gym is only 300m or so away)

Meantime I talked to some friends…. and one said “I used to lie about going to the gym… but actually I was just going for a beer and smoke” …but it was my time (that was the gym and then started being less gym… and eventually became sod it .. I’ll just go tHe just didn’t want to have to justify his hour to himself… and so never really said “I’m not actually going to the gym”

So just saying … sometimes it’s not exactly true but not exactly guilty.

Anyway…. another friend questioned find my iphone …. now its always accurate for me… same thing on the bike etc. and cripes it knows which part of the house I’m in to suggest different apps….

ANYWAY…. I took my phone to her gym and stuck it in a locker…. drove home and from my iPad my phone was in the mystery location….

I then tried findmyfriends….and lo and behold it stuck a HUGE circle showing the gym, mystery location and my house…. it could have been any.

So point being it wasn’t as accurate as i thought and plain misleading when its not getting a signal.

Incidentally Ive been known to drive to out of the way car parks that might also be classed as dogging…. but its been to think about stuff or have a private conversation with a friend and the specific car park because of some past association…. not cos I was meeting anyone there

It’s possible. Why not offer to make yourself scarce next time the friend needs to talk and let her come over to your house?

Explain to her how you feel… try it express how you want to trust her, but her story is rather unbelievable… and ask to speak to the friend.

Or

Ring the friend direct now without asking

Good luck

There was a very similar thread a week or two ago (possibly now deleted).

There were some very similar themes. It didn’t end very well.

As you’ve explained in a previous post you do have trust issues with your partner for whatever reason. Okay this time you do have some ‘evidence’ but if you don’t have trust in the person you love then the relationship is dead in the water.

You and your partner need to sit down and talk about where you’re going in your relationship. You need to be honest about your feelings of mistrust.

if you don’t have trust in the person you love then the relationship is dead in the water.

I was just about to type something very similar. To be brutally honest, you may as well end the relationship now as you clearly don’t trust her. Now that you’ve started tracking her whereabouts I suspect you’ll find yourself on a slippery slope.

The explanation I was given in the end was she’s driving about with her mate after work because she’s not happy and needs someone to talk to.

No-one else picked up on this?

Why isn’t she happy? Why isn’t she talking to you?

There was a very similar thread a week or two ago (possibly now deleted).

Not that similar…. really once you get past the start…
The OP has already confronted her and she has said she’s being taking a friend for a drive.
In the other thread the OP’s other half jumped straight to not wanting a relationship….

that might seem trivial but she already wanted out… and the OP’s questions just gave her an excuse… it might or might not be true… but she didn’t jump straight away and say “I want out”

I don’t see checking a tracker as a HUGE thing… it’s not like having one fitted with the intention to track someone…. but as lucky say’s it could get quite obsessive/slipper slope….

In my mind at least the OP has the right to be curious… after all she was not doing what she said she was doing and coming home after work BUT that doesn’t necessarily make her guilty of having an affair….

I can think of a few times when I’ve been having private conversations with friends that concern them or their private affairs I’ve covered this up a bit and stopped somewhere on the way home from work. In this case over the phone but only because they live miles away…

I’ve also on many occasions stopped for a drink on the way home…when I’ve needed some space or just chill out etc. and not exactly brought the thing up… and then semi-lied inferring I had a drink with people from work…. when I really just popped into the pub next to the station and had a couple of pints… the reason for the deception really only being not wanting an earful as to how she has been doing X,Y,Z whilst I was swanning about…

The OP is self confessed in a bit of a crap place anyway…. so I can see why his OH wouldn’t start off saying “Oh such and such who you don’t know is having a hard time and we’re going for drives after work to chat”

No-one else picked up on this?

Why isn’t she happy? Why isn’t she talking to you?

Sorta cross posted but I’d read that that the mate wasn’t happy though your interpretation is equally valid….

But as I said cross posting…. I guess the OP isn’t necessarily the best person at the moment and she might just want to moan to a friend?

Can’t claim to be a world expert on women but many men (me included) find listening to moaning without being able to do something very stressful…. to me any problem she moans about I feel like I have to provide a solution… I’m not an idiot and I know she just wants me to say “hm hm” and “Oh how horrid” etc. but either I end up biting my tongue (which I find stressful) or I try and solve the problem which isn’t what she wants.

Why isn’t she happy? Why isn’t she talking to you?

As above I read it as the mate being the one not happy.

Just say I’m sorry for questioning you, I was only tracking you because xxx and if you want to come here with your friend or keep driving around that’s cool.

Obvs keep tracking her mind 😉

I have had a job where me and a mate used to go for a spliff after work. Usually in places that were quiet and scenic!

I used to nick my mates car and take it for an evening raz around Bolton and environs, Bitd, when all ford keys fit all fords.
I used to park it up in the same place as it came from, or for devilment, in the next street

Just say I’m sorry for questioning you, I was only tracking you because xxx and if you want to come here with your friend or keep driving around that’s cool.

.. except he wasn’t “tracking her” …. he was checking the insurance fitted tracker when she wasn’t home… so I’d try and avoid a connotation he was tracking her but just checking when she wasn’t home… surely not miles away from what any caring person would do if they didn’t want to phone them at work?

I have had a job where me and a mate used to go for a spliff after work. Usually in places that were quiet and scenic!

Quite … lots of reasons to go somewhere quiet…

Well unfortunately she has lied to you – either in her initial denial or in the explanation she gave about going for a drive with a friend.

If the trust has gone then the relationship is pretty doomed. Sorry