not boring ones that every chav uses but something humorous like uphill gardener or arse.
more please. need some ammo for work tomorrow
Chat Forum
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funny insults
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Posted 1 year ago #
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Pillow Biter
Posted 1 year ago # -
kitten breath
Posted 1 year ago # -
"You're so stupid...you should have been a blow job" Bill hicks
Posted 1 year ago # -
“Go lick a dog's ass ‘til it bleeds!” a quote from Neuromancer, by William Gibson
"Go find a splintery stick, a nice quiet corner, and sodomise yourself with it”
Can't remember where I heard that, it was on telly somewhere. Made me chuckle.Posted 1 year ago # -
I once seperated a fight between a couple of angry 7 or 8 year olds in the street.
whilst lifting the smaller one off the larger one he was trying to hit me and called me a 'demented hamster'.
I nearly dropped him I laughed so much
Posted 1 year ago # -
franksinatra - Member
I once seperated a fight between a couple of angry 7 or 8 year olds in the street.I also did this a few years back at the local dry ski slope. Little bastard gave me a black eye! What can you do?!
Posted 1 year ago # -
My uncle has laods that he just comes out with- normally whilst driving to be honest.
'Hairy hole' is my favourite I think.Posted 1 year ago # -
Hope yer next craps a pineapple
thrombus! ( medicalese for bloody clot)
Posted 1 year ago # -
May your sunroof be forever open!
Posted 1 year ago # -
I've always liked
Who spat in your test tube?Or, just go with a noun and a verb.
Window licker
Trolley biter
Cabbage sniffer
EtcPosted 1 year ago # -
I find adding 'jockey' or 'monkey' to a tame insult makes it funny
snot monkey
nob jockey
etc....Posted 1 year ago # -
I quite like "you utter plum"
Posted 1 year ago # -
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
Posted 1 year ago # -
"I've seen better legs hanging out of a nest"
Used to reinforce the predicament of those with painfully thin or weak legs
Posted 1 year ago # -
Gland
Posted 1 year ago # -
Blouse
Posted 1 year ago # -
you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny - car sticker in new york
Posted 1 year ago # -
In response to the usual muppet amongst his mates who call you g@y or similar because you're on a bike:
look at the other people in the group and say 'Are you his carers?'.
100% success rate so far
Everytime, his mates have p!ssed themselves laughing at the mouthy one.
Posted 1 year ago # -
"You're so stupid I bet you have to ask people for good insults on the internet"
Oh, hang on.
Posted 1 year ago # -
does your social worker know you're out ?
Posted 1 year ago # -
Asshat
Posted 1 year ago # -
Overheard in Switzerland during an argument between a German/Swiss and an English bloke:
German Bloke : Are you Welsh?
English Bloke : No, English!
German Bloke : Strange, I thought all wnakers in the UK were Welsh!Posted 1 year ago # -
You look like you've been let loose blindfold in a charity shop and told to dress yourself!
Posted 1 year ago # -
I know what you are, I just don't know which hand you use.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Length
Colossal Helmet
The latter is oft used in the direction of my 13 year old stepsons when they do something really daft, bless 'em.
Posted 1 year ago # -
My God you make me defecate with disappointment.
Posted 1 year ago # -
"A coal dark pigs knuckle of a brain."
"A face like a haunted cave"
Both from Charlie Brookers "Screen Burn".
I'm currently rather partial to "blithering" followed any number of possiblities and "you c#ck juggling thunder c#nt is a firm favourite.
Posted 1 year ago # -
the best days of your life are behind you
Posted 1 year ago # -
argyle wins my vote as best insult. Simple, no swearing needed and rips the soul out of the target unless they're dead to the world already.
Posted 1 year ago # -
A police officer when speaking to a slightly "limited" arresstee...
"I'm not saying that you're stupid, I'm just saying that everyone, everywhere in the whole world is cleverer than you."
Posted 1 year ago # -
Helmet, best used to describe an adversary in an important meeting.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Cheese dick. The wife uses it too now. It's great when she uses it when her mothers in the car with her and the look of disgust that follows.
If she's getting tailgated she waggles her little finger in the mirror as if to say little dick. Amazingly effective.Posted 1 year ago # -
Been called a muppet
Posted 1 year ago # -
"Chief". You have to read White Teeth by Zadie Smith to find it funny though.
Also "weapon" is a favourite.
Posted 1 year ago #
Topic Closed
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