“Liam led us on a ride round” – from mini-aracer explaining what he’d done at the bike club this evening. I live near Malvern, and presume it’s fairly common knowledge who else lives here…

My ex’s eldest daughter a rather precocious 2 year old was accompanying her mother to a friends wedding in a catholic chapel. As the ceremony began she asked her mother who the guy in the robes was and was informed that he was the priest. The wee girl who had recently been watching Disneys’ version of Beauty and the Beast exclaimed loudly, ‘the beast, the beast’.

jojoA1, same girl used to think those gasometers were giant trampolines.

10 points for where that came from

I’m having tea with a Gruffalo….

Niece to big brother: “Dad, would you love me more if I had curly hair”
Slightly concerned brother: “of course not love”
grinning niece: “I’m not eating my crusts then!”

Probably mentioned these before, but now 12 yr old miss STR…

At 4yrs old and with a still going strong love for popcorn – watching a film one night and she shouts out loud “Can I have some cockporn”. Oh how we laughed!

Then as a not so innocent 10yr old, sees the cutest little black kid toddling about in a shop in Sheffield and proclaims rather loudly “Ah he looks like a little chimp”.

She didn’t know any better bless her!

Little Northwind is at his grandma and grandad’s. Terrifying AIDS advert comes on the TV (ah the 80s, they had public information ads then…). THE MORE SEXUAL PARTNERS YOU HAVE, THE MORE LIKELY YOU ARE TO GET AIIIIIDDDDSSSSS. Little Northwind sees the solution

“Well I’ll just kill all my sexual partners then”

And you know what- 20 years on and I don’t have AIDS. Joke’s on you grandma!

Rob (aged about 5 or 6) and myself, one Saturday morning when mate Rich arrives for an impromptu trip to Brechfa.

‘Daddy, can I have a condom?’

Cue Richard spluttering tea, Mrs Ambrose’s eyes shooting out of their sockets and me almost breaking the fish tank I was cleaning.

Robert, bless him, was offering to help clean the tank and wanted a condom to use because its ‘a bit like a rubber glove, it stops stuff getting through’- just the way I’d described it the previous day when he me emptying them out of my labcoat pocket having spent the day teaching teenagers how to use the rubbery things.

In the back garden with 3 year old son last week, looking up at a very rare blue sky, just a couple of clouds drifting out of view behind the roofline.

Cue Niall,

“Daddy, Daddy! The house is moving!”

emptying them out of my labcoat pocket having spent the day teaching teenagers how to use the rubbery things.

and you got away with that excuse?

When my eldest daughter was about 4 years old i took her swimming and whilst we were getting changed in the changing rooms a rather large guy was getting dressed just across from us, and not very subtley she stared at him and then loudly asked “Daddy, why does that man have boobs?” I wished the ground would have swallowed me up in that moment.

As a kid, i forget how old, i’d taken a tumble and had a lovely great bruise on my head.
A family gathering on the Sunday, a relative asked what i’d done, i explained i’d fallen and ended up with a wa*king (meant to say whacking…) great bump on my head’

Last week, out back of the house, cleaning my bike, it’s clamped in the work stand, wheels are off.
neighbours lad (about 8 ) – ‘whassup – your bike broke?’
me – ‘no, just giving it a good clean’
lad – ‘what…? nah, I just point a hosepipe at mine’ shrugs and wanders off
Got to hand it to him – sage advice, that 😉

Singing old MacDonald the other day we got you “on that farm he had a pig” my 2 yo lad points at me and says “you’re a piggy!

Harsh, but fair.

A while ago when my eldest lad was about 4/5 yrs old we were round at the in laws house playing Lego with his Grandma.
He’s sat on my knee and after dropping his Lego on the floor he shouts “Boll..ks”!
I put my hand over his mouth and he says “Gollocks!” ventriloquist style.
Granny was not impressed.

I just remember this: http://pickled-hedgehog.com/?p=244 and cannot believe said ‘Random’ as I used to call my youngest is now 12. Whoever nicked seven years of my life, give it back RIGHT NOW and we’ll say no more about it.

Some great stuff in here. Kids don’t really have any social veneer.

When the eldest was 2 I was in the middle of splitting up a business and it was a bit of a tortuous affair with my business partner being a horror story with whom to reach an amicable deal. I walked into the kitchen to find him in his high chair beaming away, MrsCat asked how things had gone and not thinking I say, “it’s been a crap day” – Cue an hour of parrot like “crap day, crap day, crap day….”

Whilst I was putting up our tent last night I heard the conversation around the camp fire … my youngest was telling my friend all about mummy’s new ‘cycle across bike’ – he really took on board my description of it as a ride anywhere sort of bike!

i was on the train between gatwick terminals last week, just minding my own business. the little kid in a pushchair next to me, turned to his mum and said ‘that man doesn’t look very nice’

i pretended to cry – they mother was incredibly embarrassed…

I asked my (Then) 2.5 year old if she wanted something…..

Her response:
“Thats awfully nice of you , thanks, but no”

10 points for where that came from

the gruffalo!!!………………………. next!

Grandson is 7 and a bit of a history fan. Yesterday’s question came after he reeled off lots of Scottish/English facts whether his mum really likes him because he is English and she is Scottish?

Mates little brother was sent home from school a while ago as he was sick and when we asked what was wrong with him he said he’d ‘come over all nostalgic’….we think he meant nauseous 😆

My then 2.5 year old daughter walked in from the garden and announced in front of all the family that it was “p!ssing it down” outside.

😆 😳

I did teach them this, so it’s not quite ‘from the mouth of babes’ – but it did give me pleasure then and still does even now.

We often have pancakes for breakfast at the weekend. When they were young I taught them that if I flipped the pancake they had to clap and cheer. But if I messed up, they had to shout out ‘useless tosser!’

Mrs V was less impressed and has tried to put a stop to it, but we still play it when she’s out of earshot.

It’s enormous.

Anything slightly larger than big gets that from one if my 3.5 yr old twins. No idea where she got the world from.

*word

Lying in the spare bed with my two older kids this morning (missus and baby in our comfortable bed) and my 5 year old daughter announced

“Daddy, you stink!”
“And what do I stink of?”
“Parps and rotten teeth”.

Charming.