I think a lot of people are terrified of mental illness. This seriously compounds the problems for those who aren't well!
People are quick to judge those who are unwell, but basically, they don't want anything to do with this illness because they feel vulnerable to becoming depressed themselves. We all have our own demons, so people don't like going there!
There are plenty of people on disability benefits/off work due to being diagnosed with anxiety and depression who aren't really that unwell, but see it a good way of getting some paid "me time". Like those who used to have imaginary bad backs. Shame on that small minority because it tars those who are genuinely ill as skiving layabouts!
For those who are trully depressed it's an isolated "slow burn" living hell and due to the fear people have of those who feel like this, these people are on their own. Even family members struggle to find the energy to care for those who are suffering.
In January this year, my brother-in-law hanged himself after my sister announced she was having an affair and was leaving him. He was a thoroughly decent hardworking guy who never put a foot wrong in our eyes in the 25 years we knew him.
We were pretty dismayed at my sister for even contemplating an affair, but what was especially alarming was the brutal manner in which she ended the relationship. I shan't bore you with the details, but it was ugly!
The day before he died, he spent 3 hours with my wife and i, telling us where he thought he'd gone wrong. He was wrong on most of his concerns, but didn't want to hear our take on things, he just wanted to tell us his piece.
He did not have a bad word to say about my sister throughout the two week bust up and defended her at every stage. He said he still loved her, that she was the only one for him and that he would "go" if she didn't want to try and work with him to fix things. He wanted her to live alone in their house and he was going to move back to his mum's while they tried to work things through. She declined.
He said he'd leave the house which they had worked so hard to buy and refurbish and everything else he had. We didn't realise what he was saying by the word "go" until two days later when my sister found him hanging in their newly built garage.
He wrote several notes to various people and my sister had one read out at the funeral. From all of these, whilst he was clearly not in his right mind, he seemed to think he was doing everyone a favour. It seemed like his suicide was an unselfish act.
We learned after his death that he had self-confidence issues which began with some very unhappy things that happened to him when he was a small child. It was all centred around the break up of his parent's marriage and basically, his mum totally rejected him for two years. His mother then had him back, but then he was used as a bargaining chip. The effects of this unjust treatment were to last him the rest of his life.
We just had no idea because he was such a decent happy go lucky sort of guy, so my advice to those who want to call suicide victims out as being selfish, is to go away and do some research.
We have suffered greatly since he died, but I don't think he really understood how much impact his death would have on everyone. I've done the whole spectrum of emotions over it, but still believe he had lost all capacity to be rational.
My advice to anyone contemplating suicide is to hold off, things will get better. I believe it is the enduring nature of depression and the overiding desolation that pushes rational thought out the window. He just needed to escape and thought this would solve everyone's problems.
We live in a hardass society and showing a little compassion to others goes a long way to making people feel a bit better about themselves. This even applies to those who don't appear to be unhappy! You can't see people's inner turmoil as they wear a mask, or simple don't display emotion. E.G. This week at work, when we were all going through a tough time, i was acused of being laid back and not bothered. The reality was that i was feeling very anxious. So my advice is never judge a book by it's cover!
Random acts of kindness could save a life! At the very least you will brighten someone's day.
