I did today.
my daughter has been home for a weeks leave from army collage.
we thought she was enjoying it, but there are some things she don’t like about it.
we all sat down and talked it through earlier this week, and decided that it would be better for her to give it a proper good go at it.
she came out of school with poor grades, with a option of a equestrian course at collage, but decided a career in the army might suit her better.
we were a bit shocked to be honest, but she passed everything to get in, so off she went a month ago aged 16 and 2 month.
this week is the 1st time we have seen her.
so we set off today, and her and the wife cried all the way back to afc, when we got there, I had to more or less pull her out of the car to get her to the gatehouse, she walked away crying after I gave her big hug.
I feel a proper bastard now, I hope I did the right thing.

Who knows. Sometimes we just have to go with our instincts and hope for the best. I dunno about you, but I wasn’t given any training, or a manual when I decided to be a parent and I certainly didn’t need to pass a test 😉

Why not train to be a chef instead?

I’d think you did the right thing Tony. My nephew joined up a few years ago & he & is mum & dad weren’t sure if it was going to work out. He ended up being top cadet & is now a full Corporal (or summink,) anyway, he’s done pretty well.
She’ll be right mate.

I reckon she’ll come round. She didn’t come home at first when she wanted to.

rich, I told her that, to take it step by step, and so far she has overcome 2 big hurdles.

who knows but many folk struggle just with the leaving home bit
She is young and you are still guiding and only time will tell.

Nothing worse than ones crying child. Feel for you.

Depends on the reasons for her crying I guess. At 16 she’s embarking on a pretty tough break-in period to grown up land after, I expect, a cushy life with mum & dad. It’s going to be a shock to pretty much any modern teenager to go into boot camp is it not?

IMO you did right, well, apart from taking the missus along.

Was she crying to leave or to go back? There is a big difference. If the former; that’s part of growing up and it’s tough but part of life. If the latter; that’s a bigger issue about what she’s going to do. Have a friend’s son who also joined up at 16 this autumn.

If in doubt, ask whether if it goes south, she’ll regret going back as much as she would regret quitting now and never knowing. You can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to do badly enough (without a gun or chloroform)

Bottom line, if she stays in she has got to go back, if she wants to hopefully it will help her focus and sort out how to make a good go of it or something else.

This is advice from a 45YO who doesn’t know what he wants to do when he grows up.

I’ve just done a 4 year stint of Army recruiting and it’s pretty normal. I found that a lot sacked it and after a while really regretted it but scuppered their chances of getting back in.

I used to get a lot of parents contacting me with the same situation and it was dificult to advise them, my answer was to tell them to dig in and think what you will get out of it in the end. A lot of kids that age have never really been away from home and their parents like that before and it is one hell of a shock. You should never judge the Army and your future career by the training, training’s designed to be hard and fast and at times all you want to do is go home to mum and dad.

It will get better for her although this isnt the time of year to be up at Harrogate and the Yorkshire weather!

What trade is she going for?

I don’t think you did anything wrong mate, they do need to learn some stuff by themselves. Quitting so soon is rarely the right option. I passed two chances one to join the RAF and then a few years later the Navy. 20 years later I do regret not trying. Just keep supporting her.

years back now but my older brother joined the navy at 16. i remember there being lots of tears whenever he came home and my mum being quiet harsh with him at times – ‘give it your best go before you sack it all in kinda stuff’ but generally telling him he had to go back and at least finish basic training.
after the initial bit though, he got right into it. made friends for life and all that. had the best time of his life and i think he still misses it ten years after leaving

OP – you did the right thing without a doubt!

Only one month in, her head is still spinning. Its quite a change from home, I’m sure. And of course there will be things about it that she does not like; that’s the case with everything.

Unless you truly feel that she made the wrong choice (and it doesn’t sound like you do), you need to stand firm and insist that she finish what she committed to.

Basic training is not really representative of the rest of the military so what she’s doing now won’t last forever (well not all of it). I remember thinking how rubbish it was and it’s a huge shock to the system going from student to trainee overnight.

I think you did the right thing and good luck to your daughter, she just needs to hang on in there, the reward for completion makes it worthwhile. As she settles in and it becomes “normal” she may just find she starts to relax a bit and enjoy it!

Yup,

I dumped a girl because she had stretch marks…. Which was bad…. but I felt like a bastard when she asked me why… and I told her….

It did only last 3 seconds….but I felt like a bastard for a little while.

Yup, but for different reasons.

Weeksy. You know that word? The one that’s worse than bastard.

That’s you, that is.

Weeksy. You know that word? The one that’s worse than bastard.

That’s you, that is.

I am a nice boy now 🙂

What you do out of love is always the right thing.

I remember watching a woman stuggling to get on a bus once carrying her little ‘un and trying to pull a pram onboard at the same time. Nobody helped her get on (including me) and then she lost her balance and fell backwards out of the bus, still holding her kiddie. 😯
I rushed to her aid straight away and walked her home. I still fell like a proper cant for not helping her in the first place though. 😳
Lesson learnt, I don’t travel by bus anymore. 😉

Army collage?

Yes, I feel like a proper bastard now.

i feel a bit better this morning. i had a couple of txt’s from her last night, one asking for me to go and get her and bring her home.
i explained that in the end, it would all be fine, that she would end up enjoying herself, and to chin up and be brave.
and then the 2nd txt was to ask me to lend her some cash, to pay for all of her D of E stuff…….which i read as a good sign. 🙂

every morning when my little girl cries when i drop her off at nursery

I cry when I get dropped off to work in the mornings.

bigyinn – Member

I cry when I get dropped off to work in the mornings

I’m glad its not just me that does this.

I make all the staff who work here cry when they are dropped off in the mornings.

Ton – bloody hard being a Dad, you just have to follow your head rather than your heart. D of E request looks like a positive sign.

She’s 16, in what will be a hard enviroment, Of course she wont like all of it who does like all of there chosen job career. I did my childhood dream job for 6 years and in the end had enough of it, now My job sucks 90% of the time but I love the time I have off even more.

I think she will come round to it and if not it will always look good when looking for future jobs/careers as long as she completes.

Nothing there to suggest the behaviour of a bastard Ton. Sounds like the behaviour of a loving, supportive parent.

Regardless of all the macho bullshit, everyone and I mean everyone struggles with military life initially. It’s a stark change, and it’s tough being at home because it reminds you how much you miss everything. Usually after a few days to get back into the swing of things your mood lifts.
remind her how much you love and support her and tell her how proud you are of her. Also, tell her the sense of achievement she’ll get when she’s finished is immense.
Good luck tonjnr!

nothing like the wife to help matters was it – crying with the daughter. 🙄

16 is quite young to be away from home and it will have been a shock to her system going from home comforts to military life. But if she can stick it out, then there are things to be gained for it, lots of experiences she won’t get in civilian life.

If she gives it a good crack and then it’s still not for her, then at least she will know she stuck it out and gave it her best shot.

Is she doing this because she wants to, because she didn’t know what else to do or to make her family proud?

If you can get an honest answer to that question and then you’ll know what to do.