That was actually the wrong question.
I didn't really want to ask "why do you need two cars," I wanted to ask "do you need two cars?"
Running a car is a pretty big expense. If you're trying to reduce outgoings, it'd be the first thing I'd be looking at; can we manage with one car and the occasional public transport? The answer may well be "no" of course, but three miles in a taxi should be, what, 25 quid a week? Does the car cost less than 100 quid a month?
You need to have an explicit deal which both of you are happy with. You need to sait down and work this out.
Mrs TJ and I do the 3 bankk accounts - we each transfer half the living costs into a joint account then all living costs are paid from this. Whats left in your own account is yours to spend as you wish - but we do consult on big spends. We have similar income levels
Tehre are many diffirent ways of dividing up household income. Tehre is no one right answer.
Both folk need something to call their own and both must be content with the deal. Otherwise you will fight and argue over money. Mrs TJ and I never argue over money.
Fascinating. We are 21 years married, with each other sharing joint accounts a few years before that. Two shared accounts, Two shared CCs. We can take whatever money we want out - we trust each other. Given that in any split up or divorce your partner will find out very quickly what you had in your accounts, why hide? We can spend independently and trust each other/support each other. What kind of "independence" is being maintained by those who don't share accounts - apart from better ability to cheat? 
And we never argue about money TJ...
no personal cash? Neither of us could live like that. If it works for you......................
your car hire is more than:
a) my mortgage (i'm lucky)
b) half the value of my car (it's a 2001 306 diesel so not desirable)
c) I spend a year in servicing and repairs.
You really need a cheaper car for starters. With that mileage it will be worth sod all when you come to get rid or do you never plan to own it?
I'm not saying buy a shed but get something cheaper to run you can buy outright or do you need the car for 'image'?
The finance on the car will be paid off very shortly but as it's probably now worth damn all I intend to drive it until it falls apart. However, as it would have virtually no trade in value I intend to keep putting the £250 a month away somewhere to contribute to the cost of the next car.
Hora, I bought the car 5 years ago with 11k on it. Hence the need for finance.
Mrs FH and I look after our own money I pay the mortgage, fuel bills and all bills relating to the house also the running of my car, Mrs FH pays for the food most of the kids clothes & TV license, when it comes to holidays we both pay into a fund that Mrs FH manages, I also transfer a monthly amount to Mrs FH's account to help with her expenditure. It seems to work for us as I am very relaxed about her spending as she is very careful with money more so than I am. May set up a joint account though so Mrs FH can be in more control of our finances.
I give my wife 6 pound per week to buy milk and bread, and a swift slap every tuesday and friday.
I expect my slippers to be ready and warmed on my arrival home, and for her to feed me and my concubine at the weekend.
I think she's got it pretty easy....
DrP
I expect my slippers to be ready and warmed on my arrival home, and for her to feed me and my concubine at the weekend.
That sounds like it could get prickly
We do the same as tj pretty much. A joint account for all the house stuff, I pay a bit more in as I earn more and I tend to cover things like car tax and servicing. I think it's healthy to have your own account too, it's hardly treating her if I buy her something or take her somewhere using her money! Plus I like beer and bikes so really it's only right I pay for those things myself.
Just wanted to canvass opinion on the matter to see how "pwned" I am
possibly quite massively
it's her actually refusing to set up a joint account that disturbs me. pray tell us more of this conversation.....
Well, for many years I earned a lot less than my wife. My wages just went on the groceries and other weekly cash payments. Hers dealt with the standing orders etc.
However over time, my wages have crept up to and nudged just ahead of my wife's. So, after I did my investigation into where the money was going I got quite angry and said I wanted a joint account opened so I could see what was happening.
The answer was a blunt no way. So what do you do? Walk away from your kids?
If there is significant money unaccounted for then I would want to know where it was going. What is she hiding?
Please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you and your wife don't communicate very well, and at least on her side it doesnt appear that she wants to. Is the problem just with money or does it go deeper than that?
Sounds like another man is on the cards. Why else would they be so secretive about it?
Or it could be a gambling problem.
What about people who are lucky enough for the wife to stay at home and look after the kids/house ?
The bloke has no option but to share or have "our" money as opposed to "his" and "hers" monies. A nice problem to have, I guess.
For those who have "my money, your money" ... may I ask at what point in your life does it end? Or will you be buying your own supply of Worthers Orginals?
My wife and I pool our money into a joint account, but keep a little personal money in our own accounts. Sounds trivial, but that way it feels we're not buying our own birthday presents etc.
The answer was a blunt no way. So what do you do? Walk away from your kids?
it sounds very much that you are unhappy and this extends beyond the whole money thing. I had a similar situation with my ex - as she started to earn more (after earning little or nothing when the kids were younger) it felt like she was paying for very little, keeping most of her money for herself - whilst I continued to pay for most of the household expenses. It wad very difficult to talk to her about it because she had a "head in the sand" approach to money - and was always overdrawn at the end of the month with very little to show for it.
We didn't split up because of money - other stuff was far more significant, but I think having a compatible approach to money management is important, because an incompatible approach can lead to resentment. I agree that you and your wife need to try and start communicating more effectively
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