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But what would you use your separate money for?
But what would you use your separate money for?
You need to ask????????
TBH I've never discussed a joint account and we've never split bills equally just a lose 'I'll cover this' etc (neither of us have actually worked out who comes out 'tops').
Thats 20yrs, a mortgage and a kid.
Clearly there's no right and wrong way to manage finances.
People are different, and as long as you can work something out where you are both happy with the arrangement then what's the big deal.
If it doesn't work you need to change it until it does.
simples.
But what would you use your separate money for?
You need to ask????????
ok, what would you use separate money for that you couldn't use household money for, and yes, I do need to ask
Btw, not being critical, OP. At least not trying to be! Apologies.
Everyone needs some ownership of some element of their income from their job. It salves the pain aspect of having to work and shows the 'reward'.
Let your partner have a seperate 'me' account. How do you buy your bike bits ffs!
I have a bike/upgrade habit Charlie. But, in any case, now I don't have anyone to moan at me. 🙄
If she is broke do you sit there on your wad smiling contentedly?
+1
People are different,
That's the whole bloody problem! If everyone was a b it more like me then the world would be a much better place. C'mon! Get with the programme! You know the University of Coventry are offering degrees in 'CharlieMungusness', so if you fail to upskill, it's just your own fault
If she is broke do you sit there on your wad smiling contentedly?
+1
If you do, you might find that the wad you are sitting on gets more and more voluminous by the day.
As always there are loads of different opinions and viewpoints.
FWIW and its only my thoughts but even though I am the lower earner by at least 1:2 I wouldnt feel comfortable taking money from a joint account to buy things solely for myself and I dont see why I should use money that isnt mine to pay for things just for me.
If one of us happens to have less cash one week/month/period then the other one generally pays for whatever we are doing and definitely neither would see the other one struggle or feel as though they cannot do something.
We arent married, lived together for 8 years been together for 10 years, no kids. If we had kids and one of us was not working full time to do the house wife/husband thing then I could see the reason for joint money.
Some people have associated (mis)trust with some separate bank accounts, I dont see any relationship between the two.
This works for us and what others have said obviously works for them, neither are right or wrong.
I wouldnt feel comfortable taking money from a joint account to buy things solely for myself
No, that's why we have pocket money, or for bigger stuff we just discuss it. If my wife wants say, a floor loom, she can buy it - if circumstances allow.
If you do
I don't mean that I do. I was agreeing with your sentiment 🙂
I can happily say I wouldn't trust err indoors with my money. Basically, 'cos she is cr*p with money and has no concept of budgeting whatsover. She'd concur
she did look after the bills etc once but account soon went overdrawn / bills bouncing etc
so we work on a damage limitation strategy by restricting what she can mis-manage!
her salary goes into her account, pays food fuel for her car clothing for kids etc whatever she wants to spend it on. She never checks this that I can see so this account regularly goes overdrawn etc.! (which does royally p*ss me off given that she is a consultant pharmacist with about 3 maths A levels)
my money goes into my account (I earn more plus she works part time). Transfer some of this into a separate account for bills / mortgage / insurance; rest whatever I want to spend it on
so - we are mutually happy in our distrust I suppose.
Sitting down to discuss finances doesn't work 'cos it bores her sh*tless and she'll start talking about something else
if your wife happens to earn enough and all the bills are covered why cant she buy a floor loom every month if she wants?
whatever a floor loom is 😀
My gf earns what she earns, it happens to be more than me, neither of us live extravagant lifestyles,
I dont actually know what she earns its her wages and she works stupid hours (by choice) for them, Ive never asked her but I do know its way more than mine. She has lots of shiny things that she likes, mac notebook a number of mp3 players loads of running clobber (enough to kit out the uk Olympic squad)
whereas I have a 5 year old laptop leftover from uni and less shiny and much less sparkly bits of clobber.
I dont see why/believe I should have access to her wages.
She probably spends more on my birthday/xmas than I do, but not by loads
I was just saying theres an alternative to the Joint account route that works for me.
Personally I dont see the need for 'houshold money' once the bills are paid.
Incidentally, I dont recall anyone suggesting joint accounts dont work for a lot of people, or that anyone sits on wads of cash whilst the other is broke (quite the opposite in fact).
If the bills were covered, she could buy a floor loom every month. However if we weren't that rich she'd appreciate that it was irresponsible and not do it. Same reason I don't buy a new bike every month.
Mrs Grips doesn't work, but that doesn't make any difference.
I have been with my wife to be for nearly 12 years now.
We have separate monies. I earn more so we do balance things out - I pay all the bills and food, she only pays her half in rent. I put £1k away each month towards *our* house deposit and she same a few £100 I guess. She get about £550 left over I get £800ish. I tend to buy a lot more crap than her, so the spilt works well.
If she runs out I pay and vice versa.
Works perfectly well. I could not imagine how a shared beer pot would work!!!
As for the original posters situation, I think what you are doing is correct - I think penalising for a joint decision not cool at all, just controlling. If I wasn't workign out I am sure there are other options.
Make your own decisions don't let other influence.
her own car costs (she works 5 mins walk from our front door
Why do you need to run two cars?
I don't get it, if your married you have a family income which is shared just cause one partner earns more than the other they shouldn't have more spends once all the bills are shorted out. When we first got married my wife earned 15K more than me but all the cash was shared. Now the situation is reversed and I earn slightly more than her and all the money goes into the same pot, I'm still allowed nice bike bits but don't take the pee. To be fair once all the tax, pension payments and 18K a year childcare is paid there ain't much left to argue about.
Another example is we both get performance related bonuses and this year the wifes is bigger than mine but we will just stick all that money towards the mortgage even though she'll put in a grand or so more than me and in previous years i've done the same. It feel wrong to us if she was to keep that grand and spend it on handbags and shoes and leave me with nothing or vice versa.
It seems to go against the idea of being equal partners in a relationship if you keep your own money, I've seen friends who do it and always felt they were holding back from committing fully into the relationship.
The odds are my wife will get the next promotion and I can go back to being a kept man.
Nick
I'm married. We have our own personal accounts which our salaries get paid into; we then pay (proportional to salary) an amount into a joint account which covers all joint expenditure (mortgage, food, bills, anything we do together). Anything that is left in personal accounts pays for our own expenses (commuting, bikes, shoes, beers, etc.).
We have joint savings accounts which we both pay into. Any spending from our own accounts is down to us (although almost everything gets talked about, because we talk to each other 🙂 ). Bigger stuff gets discussed more, and anything that comes out of savings gets discussed.
Never really thought about it much. It just seems sensible that we share money to cover stuff that needs to be spent, and then we have our own money to buy toys.
Dave
I also find this a bit wierd, though I know several of our friends have separate accounts (and spend (waste) a lot of time discussing who pays for what).
All our money goes into one account and either of us takes what we need out of it.
I occasionally hurumph as my wife unpacks another box of Boden cardies, but as that seems to be her only real failing I guess I can't complain too much.
If either of us needs something big we would discuss it, but I think we both just know what is acceptable to the other and don't push it.
I guess things might be different if we were skint, but we're not and I think by nature we're both fairly frugal anyway so we don't really discuss money much.
Edit: Silly post
Cougar, we need two cars as there is a 6 mile round trip to the childminders in the evenings and occasionally the wife has to go on courses.
No offence taken Molgrips. Just wanted to canvass opinion on the matter to see how "pwned" I am. 😉
That was actually the wrong question.
I didn't really want to ask "why do you need two cars," I wanted to ask "do you need two cars?"
Running a car is a pretty big expense. If you're trying to reduce outgoings, it'd be the first thing I'd be looking at; can we manage with one car and the occasional public transport? The answer may well be "no" of course, but three miles in a taxi should be, what, 25 quid a week? Does the car cost less than 100 quid a month?
You need to have an explicit deal which both of you are happy with. You need to sait down and work this out.
Mrs TJ and I do the 3 bankk accounts - we each transfer half the living costs into a joint account then all living costs are paid from this. Whats left in your own account is yours to spend as you wish - but we do consult on big spends. We have similar income levels
Tehre are many diffirent ways of dividing up household income. Tehre is no one right answer.
Both folk need something to call their own and both must be content with the deal. Otherwise you will fight and argue over money. Mrs TJ and I never argue over money.
Fascinating. We are 21 years married, with each other sharing joint accounts a few years before that. Two shared accounts, Two shared CCs. We can take whatever money we want out - we trust each other. Given that in any split up or divorce your partner will find out very quickly what you had in your accounts, why hide? We can spend independently and trust each other/support each other. What kind of "independence" is being maintained by those who don't share accounts - apart from better ability to cheat? 😉
And we never argue about money TJ...
no personal cash? Neither of us could live like that. If it works for you......................
your car hire is more than:
a) my mortgage (i'm lucky)
b) half the value of my car (it's a 2001 306 diesel so not desirable)
c) I spend a year in servicing and repairs.
You really need a cheaper car for starters. With that mileage it will be worth sod all when you come to get rid or do you never plan to own it?
I'm not saying buy a shed but get something cheaper to run you can buy outright or do you need the car for 'image'?
The finance on the car will be paid off very shortly but as it's probably now worth damn all I intend to drive it until it falls apart. However, as it would have virtually no trade in value I intend to keep putting the £250 a month away somewhere to contribute to the cost of the next car.
Hora, I bought the car 5 years ago with 11k on it. Hence the need for finance.
Mrs FH and I look after our own money I pay the mortgage, fuel bills and all bills relating to the house also the running of my car, Mrs FH pays for the food most of the kids clothes & TV license, when it comes to holidays we both pay into a fund that Mrs FH manages, I also transfer a monthly amount to Mrs FH's account to help with her expenditure. It seems to work for us as I am very relaxed about her spending as she is very careful with money more so than I am. May set up a joint account though so Mrs FH can be in more control of our finances.
I give my wife 6 pound per week to buy milk and bread, and a swift slap every tuesday and friday.
I expect my slippers to be ready and warmed on my arrival home, and for her to feed me and my concubine at the weekend.
I think she's got it pretty easy....
DrP
I expect my slippers to be ready and warmed on my arrival home, and for her to feed me and my concubine at the weekend.
That sounds like it could get prickly
We do the same as tj pretty much. A joint account for all the house stuff, I pay a bit more in as I earn more and I tend to cover things like car tax and servicing. I think it's healthy to have your own account too, it's hardly treating her if I buy her something or take her somewhere using her money! Plus I like beer and bikes so really it's only right I pay for those things myself.
Just wanted to canvass opinion on the matter to see how "pwned" I am
possibly quite massively
it's her actually refusing to set up a joint account that disturbs me. pray tell us more of this conversation.....
Well, for many years I earned a lot less than my wife. My wages just went on the groceries and other weekly cash payments. Hers dealt with the standing orders etc.
However over time, my wages have crept up to and nudged just ahead of my wife's. So, after I did my investigation into where the money was going I got quite angry and said I wanted a joint account opened so I could see what was happening.
The answer was a blunt no way. So what do you do? Walk away from your kids?
If there is significant money unaccounted for then I would want to know where it was going. What is she hiding?
Please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you and your wife don't communicate very well, and at least on her side it doesnt appear that she wants to. Is the problem just with money or does it go deeper than that?
Sounds like another man is on the cards. Why else would they be so secretive about it?
Or it could be a gambling problem.
What about people who are lucky enough for the wife to stay at home and look after the kids/house ?
The bloke has no option but to share or have "our" money as opposed to "his" and "hers" monies. A nice problem to have, I guess.
For those who have "my money, your money" ... may I ask at what point in your life does it end? Or will you be buying your own supply of Worthers Orginals?
My wife and I pool our money into a joint account, but keep a little personal money in our own accounts. Sounds trivial, but that way it feels we're not buying our own birthday presents etc.
The answer was a blunt no way. So what do you do? Walk away from your kids?
it sounds very much that you are unhappy and this extends beyond the whole money thing. I had a similar situation with my ex - as she started to earn more (after earning little or nothing when the kids were younger) it felt like she was paying for very little, keeping most of her money for herself - whilst I continued to pay for most of the household expenses. It wad very difficult to talk to her about it because she had a "head in the sand" approach to money - and was always overdrawn at the end of the month with very little to show for it.
We didn't split up because of money - other stuff was far more significant, but I think having a compatible approach to money management is important, because an incompatible approach can lead to resentment. I agree that you and your wife need to try and start communicating more effectively