Tell him to get a life and tell your husband to punch his lights out?

Its a multi-activity club so covers walking, biking, climbing etc. We have monthly trips camping and staying in mountaineering huts so no keys in bowls happening there unless there is something happening that I don’t know about and with regards to punching his lights out it would probably be me rather than my husband as he is calmest person I know

Common issue. Seen it and been in it before. Rise above it, do everything to keep the club together and take every opportunity to make him look like a doucehbag.

thanks everyone for your advice. My husband seems to still be affected by the confrontation on Saturday and is losing sleep over it and its not great timing with work stresses adding to the mix. We are going to have a committee meeting in a couple of weeks and I’m sure this will be discussed. I’m away on a trip this weekend and will be having fun riding my bike and I’m sure this subject will be discussed. At the moment my gut reaction is get rid and block any means of communication with him. I guess only time will tell

Losing sleep over a club you say? Time to resign or sort the matter out head on. This should be fun right?

Maybe I am too much of a simple Simon, but surely you can just kick the twit out? Done.

Did I understand your original post properly – has he now left the club but is sniping from outside directly to members?

In which case you have proven that there is no fraud etc (what seems to be his point), if members are happy with that then I would just ignore further jibes from him. As above he seeks attention. I suspect his jibes will become more irrational in trying to get a response, in which case the real facts will speak for themselves to members.

I read as having left the committee but still a club member. Some people I know, who I actually thought for a while could be the OP, are involved in a similar local club. There’s seems to be dying a bit of a death, the cycling bit anyway, as it seems to work on very much a KeepUpOr****Off mantra, as such I’ve never been tempted to join, or ride with them tbh. In seversal ways their club doesn’t seem as much for them any more. Got me thinking.

I think any one setting a club up should set it up for 7 years. Then Disband. If a group of the people from the first club then want to set up a new club, do so. If I ever set up a club I’d be tempted to do it like this. Social dynamics, allegiances, tolerations, afections are all subject to change… trying to force them can often result in bitterness and frinction.*

*doesn’t always take anywhere near as long as 7 years though.

Sorry to hear of your situation OP – doesn’t feel right that one person can make the whole group suffer…

I met a few people like this and generally found the only effective long term solution is to remove them from your life entirely – any contact at all gives them an opportunity to manipulate. (I posted a thread earlier this week on the same topic and the advice overall was to walk away…)

Either way, I find it much easier these days to deal with such people after reading In Sheep’s Clothing

It’s very good at helping you spot their games/attacks and how to respond to them in a way which keeps you clear of their influence. It also points out that your own behaviour can make you a target (as your husband seems to be) – and therefore you can avoid being the target in the first place…

So good luck, you’re not going mad and you’ll find plenty of people are unhappy with his behaviour too, just less willing to get involved (these people are generally pretty intimidating) but when you fight back you’ll probably find you have more support than you expect…

Yes to clarify a few points he was a committee member who at the time was well thought of until he made a tit of himself at the AGM he then joined the club which I was surprised at but Husband says give him a chance. The club isn’t dying a death in fact far from it and we are very supportive of members of all abilities and never leave anyone behind. So far everyone i’ve spoken to has thought the same and the fact that no-one responded to the message he sent says alot as they are not bothered and realise its another pointless rant. Anyway committee meeting will be next week so we can discuss this further.
In the past we’ve had people trying to cause trouble and when they realise they are getting no where they disappear so lets hope he does the same.

Daft question but why is he still part of the club? How is he PMing club members?

Issue a statement to club members saying that he has a grievance with the club that he can’t seem to resolve and has now taken to attack the club. Offer the members the opportunity to examine the club records/accounts to show that things are not being wasted, etc. so the members know the truth.

He joined at the AGM paid his subs we thought that once he had said what he had to say he would just get on with things and go for the walking trips as he used to. We don’t mind if he has a problem its just the way he goes about it. If he got in contact with one of us and expressed his concerns first then we would address any issues. We have a forum on our website so to try and and stir things by messaging all members and then message the committee afterwards is wrong. Plus after seeing him in aggressive mode I just don’t want to be in the same space as him

I imagine your husband’s calm approach infuriates the nutter as in his (nutters) eyes your husband doesn’t think the nutter is worth responding to. They are called nutters for a reason…

Accusing the committee of fraud, assaulting your husband, why allow him to stay? Call an EGM, explain the situation to the members, then take a vote on banning the nutter. Better still create an amendment to the club constitution regarding gross misconduct of members, then chuck him out. This has the advantage of being in place if the same situation occurs in the future with another nutter.

Good luck :-)(from someone who will never go on another club committee)

someone who will never go on another club committee

ditto. done my time. now it’s someone else’s turn.

will never ever be a newsletter editor again either, although fortunately the web has just about rendered them history. 3 years of appealing for articles, stories, events to put in the calendar, and the total contribution from membership could be counted on the digits of 1 hand after having all 4 fingers amputated! and that’s from a membership stating what they wanted to see in the newsletter ffs! oh and that 1 article was some guy using it for eventual commercial purposes.

I’d at least send out some kind of communication stating that abusive behaviour by members to other members (and guests at events) will not be tolerated. Then at least the guilty party can’t say they haven’t been warned.

Had he broken the rules of conduct? A motion to eject him from the club then. Or assurances of better conduct in future.

Seen this happen as a mod elsewhere, at first thought it was a bit of prior friction between two new members with some history, the reasonable one and the more vocal one, but with a bit of research the reasonable one turned out to be Tw*T no other way to describe the person and the vocal one was just being really open and honest about their feelings about the Tw*t.

So my tip is talk to people no doubt they will/are/have been in other groups and might have had prior experience of this person and this person will have followed a similar pattern, before people have got fed up of them and given them the heave ho.

is this a swingers club? lot of ‘weekends away’ 😆

any chance of more cats drawings & less dogs?

The next incident is he sent a PM to all club members accusing us of fraud

That is a rather serious libel and in addition to the aggressive behaviour I would agree with others who have said to chuck him out. You can’t risk a sitiuation where the aggression gets out of hand and you are in the middle of nowhere!

If he threatens you, get the Police involved and a solicitor who can handle the accusation.

Fair point, you could just scare him off by saying you’re talking to a solicitor about taking action regarding the fraud accusation.

I recall a recent instance where a member wasn’t happy with decisions of the commitee.
The commitee declined to accept the aforementioned individual’s membership renewal. 😛

He’s a club member at the moment. If he thinks fraud is going on, it’s an issue that needs airing and countering. You stoop to his level by getting solicitors involved. A degree of openess and honesty and being seen to be fairer than fair means you come out of it shinier. Ask him to make public his claims very specifically and you’ll address them – he won’t.

Isn’t emailing other members with accusations rather public , even in a small club?

I wouldn’t stand for it. Just ask someone to audit the accounts and then expel him for misconduct.

Yes you’re right, ask for specifics and counter them calmly. Even a dick gets to ask questions in a democracy, show everyone he’s a dick by being open 🙂