Club politics – when it gets personal

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  • Club politics – when it gets personal
  • Junkyard
    Member

    Bombers and wee

    TBH If it is a private club why not use your procedures to get rid of him?
    He may take some folk with him though and it may be tough for a while but it will get easier

    I doubt anything you do will calm or soothe the individual though

    project
    Member

    Resign and let somebody else take the reins,

    Premier Icon tomhoward
    Subscriber

    when things turned nasty and he started to push assault my husband and got aggressive

    Police….

    As above, kick him out.

    ninfan
    Member

    Sunlight is the best disinfectant

    I’d suggest a message to all members, saying along the lines of:

    “we know that there has been some dissatisfaction aired and allegations made, we would request that anyone with a problem put them in writing to the committee and will delegate a group of independent members who are not on the committee to look into any allegations properly, and publish their results for all to see”

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    depends how political you want to get.

    Two approaches that I can see;

    1) you and your husband stay ‘above it all’. don’t get involved in any discussion he starts unless asked a direct, factual, question. be seen to be behaving well.

    2) oust him. try not to do this directly – get other members who you feel are on your side to front up any requests for him to be warned/banned. there must be club rules about behaviour towards other members of the club and if he’s clearly in breach of them then he’s bang to rights.

    Be aware he may also be trying to use option 2 against you.

    He’s clearly being disruptive and unless he feels he has significant support from other members of the club I can’t see what he hopes to gain.

    It does feel a bit like Fred on here though – constant disruption until banned and then continue sniping from the outside subsequently. You may be in for a long haul 🙁

    It’s a shame when everyone really just wants to enjoy a hobby.

    theflatboy
    Member

    And/or kick him out, then send a message to all members stating that there has been inaccurate rumour-spreading, and that all financial, procedural and other matters have been and will be run in an honest and trustworthy manner. Any member with any concerns is welcome to inspect all records as necessary.

    Then move on.

    shermer75
    Member

    My first reaction would be to kick him out as well. Getting in a physical arguement with another club member is good reason enough IMO. If I was in this club I’d be sick of this guy already. What are the arguements for keeping him in?

    Premier Icon thepurist
    Subscriber

    IME every club goes through this at some time. It’s never pretty.

    If you’ve got a constitution then you can get all formal and look at complaint/diciplinary procedures, but that can sometimes seem a bit authoritarian for a friendly group. You can continually and publicly debunk their claims and grumbles by running things as openly as possible – do you produce a set of accounts each year for the club to see, publish committee meeting minutes etc. That tends to get rid of money issues, decision making etc. Or just accept that you’ve got a member who’s a PITA and is going to make a lot of noise and add to everyone’s workload when they’re already undoubtedly putting in more effort than most realise just to keep the club going.

    piemonster
    Member

    Aye, that’s sounding like assault. Time to eject the individual?

    What good will continuing as you are achieve?

    retrogirl
    Member

    We have thought about kicking him out but feel that he may make things difficult for us if we do that and I don’t want to resign as that what he wants and I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. My husband and myself are some of the founder members so don’t feel ready to let go yet. after the head cam complaint we sent him a written warning and he had a discussion with my husband were he told him that he was what was wrong with the club. We are debating sending him a 2nd warning to tell him that we don’t condone aggressive behaviour.
    We do have a constitution and club accounts get discussed openly at the AGM. We do everything by the book but i think that there could be something happening behind the scenes which is making him like this. Before this happened we got on well with him but now he has a hatred for us which is making me uncomfortable

    Premier Icon unklehomered
    Subscriber

    Woah! That goes way and above any club politics and pettiness I’ve ever encountered!

    2 points of consideration – 1 ) How are other members of club reacting to it? If they’re fed up with it too then if there’s a committee member who isn’t ‘in on it/one of them’ etc. then ask they take lead for objectivity etc. Better if someone else suggests he be bombered to death and buried on the moors than you, make it looks less personal.

    2 ) How much do you care? If you’re not getting supported, back up, and if other members of club are letting it go on uncontested, stand down, go about your life. If the other members are half decent they’ll act at that point, but it doesn’t sound like it’s going to stop. He almost certainly has a mad little plan in his head, and sounds like he’s only at action point E.

    EDIT: ah, pipped to it, I think you need someone else on your committee to get involved then.

    shermer75
    Member

    The sound of those PMs really irk me as well. What is he hoping to achieve exactly?

    the hustler
    Member

    At next committee meeting put all the cards on the table (that you have proof of not what you have heard second hand or by inuendo), ask the committee how they believe things should be resolved as things obviously aren’t working as they are.

    With other members of the committee involved invite him to a meeting to address what ever issues he may have, make a structure for the meeting giving both sides opportunity to state their issues. Once these have been raised agree a time for a second meeting so that each side can prepare correct reponses to each accusation/problem that has risen (make sure this structure is known by all concerned before starting).

    If its as you say and he is in the wrong the committee should back you and either a strongly worded letter signed by all committee members warning of his future behaviour should be sent, or an outright ban could be imposed depending on the outcome of the meetings.

    At each meeting make sure there are independant observers making notes/taking minutes that should be agreed on by both parties.

    If the above doesn’t work get the bombers out and wee in his shoes……..

    ninfan
    Member

    I think that the risk of kicking him out, even if you’re totally justified in doing so (and you are!) is that he will turn this into you silencing him

    Like I say, if he’s got allegations, then he should put them in writing to be investigated, if he fails to do so, then he’s no longer got an argument and loses all credibility.

    patriotpro
    Member

    Woah! That goes way and above any club politics and pettiness I’ve ever encountered!

    And me, he sounds bitter to the core. ditch the club and re-start without him perhaps… 💡

    retrogirl
    Member

    I do like the sound of owning him with bombers and I’ll get my boy to wee in his shoes. We do have the support of the committee and other members and have had a meeting on how to deal with this. In fact some members who arent regulars turned up in case things were to turn nasty and I think he thought twice about saying something as most of the committee were there in force ready to shoot down any onslaught he was thinking of saying

    Premier Icon unklehomered
    Subscriber

    something happening behind the scenes which is making him like this

    Almost certainly. Get him really drunk then start an argument, that should get it all spilling out.

    Hats off to you for sticking with it. Think I’d have sacked it off in preference of riding my bike a while ago.

    EDIT Re: your above post. Maybe, just maybe, a TnR option might a way to go, it sounds like he’s got himself painted into a corner, too proud to stand down and admit he’s made himself look silly. Maybe get another committee member to suggest “something’s gone horribly wrong, and its now juts arguing for arguing’s sake, There isn’t actually anyone who agrees with you and you probably know that, but we could just let it go, move on, Say no more about it and get one with riding bikes.” And if says no, bombers to death and a hole on the moors, he sounds like he knows too much. 😉

    shermer75
    Member

    Some people just can’t handle not being in control. It’s deep rooted and instinctive and they don’t necessarily even recognise it within themselves. This guy might well be like that. If so, you’re never going to win. Bombers!!!!

    llama
    Member

    Some people just can’t handle not being in control. It’s deep rooted and instinctive and they don’t necessarily even recognise it within themselves

    this. and he has a small penis.

    IME their tactic is to keep complaints just below the radar. If you take the formal approach it momentarily fizzles out. Then after a little while it will start up again from another angle.

    retrogirl
    Member

    10 years ago a group of us formed an outdoor club with the ethos of being friendly and involving everyone. This has worked well and is a great success but there is now a fly in the ointment. An ex committee member is now causing trouble and I feel that its not directed at the club but at my husband who is the chair. An away trip 2 years ago seems to have been the trigger when a club members friends came to fill up spaces and got drunk and complaints were made and as he booked the hut he took the call and at the time he said it was sorted and was happy to leave it.
    However he then decided he wanted to quit the committee and left the club in a huff saying we were a bunch of idiots. We tried to sort it with him but he didn’t want to know and the guilty party on the trip were talked to and a letter of apology was sent to the bunk house.
    It seems that this man is very angry and when it was the AGM he came to the meeting and in a room full of other members tried to tell everyone that we were ripping them off as he knew how much trips away cost and we were trying to make a profit. We charge a flat rate for trips and some we make money on but others we make a loss so we need money in the account to cover that. We thought that was sorted and then a few months later we bought a head cam which was agreed by the committee. He sent a message to all the club complaining that we were making frivolous purchases and when he was on the committee he didn’t agree to it. the point is yes he did say that at the time but he is not on the committee now and we all agreed and it is for all the club to use.
    The next incident is he sent a PM to all club members accusing us of fraud and saying that we are not paying the BMC to which we are affiliated. Well we are paying them and updating details when new members join and we told him that. When we saw him at a friends gathering my husband told him he had sent him a reply and the matter was resolved this was when things turned nasty and he started to push my husband and got aggressive. I feel that he is out to destroy 10 years of hard work and don’t feel comfortable around him. I also feel that he has a grudge against my husband and its not about the club. My husband is non confrontational and very calm so hes not provoking him. At the end of the day we are not perfect and do make mistakes but there are ways of approaching this and this man has gone about it all wrong. I just need to let off steam and we have the support of other members who think what hes done is wrong and we were expecting him to turn up at the meeting last night and kick off but to my surprise he didn’t instead he sat at his table giving me filthy looks all evening. So do we sent him a written waring about his conduct or do we just ignore him and hope it resolves? I do think he has a list of gripes and is planning his next move

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    A new patio perhaps?

    Trimix
    Member

    Life is way too short as it is. Tell him to bugger off, or just leave the club.

    Sounds like a lot of hassle for something that should just be for fun. Sort out your prioritys, otherwise you will be in for a load of more hassle/issues/crap.

    Why do you even need a club to have fun ? Just have fun with likeminded mates.

    boblo
    Member

    If he thinks he has a grievance and you want to keep him, invite him to your next meeting to put his allegations and evidence to the committee. Do it on the understanding this is his one and only chance. Deal with the issues raised. However, make it clear, if he continues to behave in a manner after this that is prejudicial to the club, he will be expelled.

    If you don’t wish to do the above, table his behaviour at the next meeting and vote on his expulsion (or other remediation if that suits you better ). Don’t piss around with him, he sounds like poison.

    Premier Icon FuzzyWuzzy
    Subscriber

    Well if you have the support of the rest of the committee then either give him a final warning or just kick him out now (I’d go with the latter). He’s given you enough grounds when he confronted your husband and as others have witnessed his behaviour and support you I can’t say I’d be worried about any comeback from kicking him out.
    Also send out an email to all the members explaining the decision clearly as no doubt he’ll continue spamming them after he’s ejected.

    boblo
    Member

    If you do boot him out, you’ll also have to make it clear he’s not welcome as a guest during club activities otherwise he may still show up and be a pain.

    retrogirl
    Member

    Thankyou you’ve all made good suggestions and I’ll show this to my husband when he gets home. I really don’t and won’t be forced to leave the club because of this individual and at the weekend when I let off steam and threaten to leave I got told that was not to happen and he is in the wrong. The club to us is our baby we started it 10 years ago and it has been going from strength to strength with new members joining all the time. We have also made some good mates through starting this up so I’m not going to let him destroy all that.
    He is a military man who has been a member of the TA and has been a carer for his elderly Mother who I’ve been told shes been having lengthy hospital stays so this could be affecting his state of mind. What is upsetting for me is he is directing his anger at my husband and my instinct is to protect him as he would do for me. If he wasn’t to target any individuals I would let this go over my head.

    dannyh
    Member

    Yes – if he’s so in the wrong, it must be unpleasant for other club members as well.

    Canvass their opinions and if you have their back-up get him out. Stress to the others that the other option is to dissolve the club or someone else take the reins.

    Otherwise remember you started this thing(presumably)because it was something you wanted to do and found enjoyable. If it’s not enjoyable any more, then it’s time to wave goodbye.

    Good luck – it’s a classic case of one pillock ruining it for everyone else, but that’s life.

    Can’t you leave the club and just do events as recreational activity with your friends from the club?

    retrogirl
    Member

    A good reason to stay in the club is the trips they put on. We have trips away every month and its one of the most enjoyable aspects of the club. I’m hoping that he wont sign up for any trips away as I’m sure he’ll spend the whole weekend slagging us off and its as if hes got an obsession as its all he goes on about. The important thing is we have support from committee and non-committee members who all said ‘what a dick’ and I don’t see why I should turn around and say goodbye when its him that has the problem it should be bye bye for him.

    bent udder
    Member

    Above advice is all good stuff.

    One further thing: you seem concerned with this person’s actions, rather than the effect on the rest of the club. I imagine they’re all pretty fed up with his behaviour, too – people tend to take part in these things for fun, not arguments and grumpiness.

    Concentrate on you husband and other fellow clubmates’ wellbeing first, him second – otherwise it becomes about him, and not the original ideal of the club.

    I’ve had similar run-ins, and some people just like complaining. Don’t take it personally – more often than not, they’re complaining about their own inability to influence something than any shortcomings on your part. We call those people bell-ends.

    It sounds like you and your husband have been doing a bang-up job making people happy for a decade. Don’t let one idiot spoil it.

    Premier Icon woody2000
    Subscriber

    Repressed homosexual and he fancies the pants off your old fella? Or the other way round, he fancies the pants off you and is jealous?

    Maybe….. 😉

    jekkyl
    Member

    when he’s in the cafe or toilet on a ride, let both his tyres down and then when he comes out say ‘ooh that’s unfortunate, 2 punctures! (try not to singger) we’ll ride on and you catch us up, byeeee’ – then cycle a different way than planned.

    retrogirl
    Member

    [Repressed homosexual and he fancies the pants off your old fella? Or the other way round, he fancies the pants off you and is jealous?]

    Yuck! especially after seeing his taste in ties and high waisted trousers. Unfortunately I cannot let down his tyres as he is not really a cyclist and the bike he does ride is £150 forecourt job so letting down the tyres would probably improve it. He does walking and climbing. I guess I could let go of the rope 😉

    Premier Icon stever
    Subscriber

    Have a chat with him about his behaviour with a load of slack out then.
    Ask him if he wants to be on the committee again, that’ll probably shut him up. We had an issue with a troublemaker in the running club and asked for his help sorting out the event he was suddenly such an expert on. Never heard anything else from him 🙂

    Mr Woppit
    Member

    Just tell us where he is and then fuggedaboudit.

    Premier Icon martinhutch
    Subscriber

    Lots of climbing clubs have this or similar problems. Good advice above – do it by the book with independent scrutiny to ensure that you can give him the heave-ho (or prompt his hissy fit departure) without looking like it’s personal.

    Premier Icon andytherocketeer
    Subscriber

    Pretty much every club I’ve been in that gets large or formal enough to have a constitution and elected committee is like this. And even though it may be only one dick stirring things up, it splits the general membership in to 2 factions.

    With us it got the the point we said sod it, and all quit the committee, knowing full well that there’ll never be contested elections (there’s alway N people standing for N or N+1 places), so we have about 50% “friendly” people on the committee. We also knew that the dick would either totally screw up the club, or do absolutely booger all. We remain members solely to be able to call an EGM. Fortunately, so far, he’s done booger all, just like pretty much everyone else that complained about committee not doing anything.

    One day, it will be EGM or mass defection and create a new club.

    And any club I ever help create will only ever be “a social group of people with a common interest”.

    yossarian
    Member

    I’ve seen this as well. There’s usually one in every club/group. Normally a sociopath with a big chip on their shoulder. Once they’ve decided to be openly hostile there’s not much you can do about it except starve them of attention which will hurt them as what they really want is attention. It might not have a nice outcome though as these types usually have a short fuse to go with their sense of injustice and fragile ego.

    Decide on whether its worth it first. Personally I ride bikes for fun not to deal with other people’s bullshit.

    IanW
    Member

    Cycling clubs hey, they do seem to cause a lot of handbags.

    Keep it simple and theres no problem.

    rudebwoy
    Member

    ex military with elderly mother issues– hmmm– sounds like a borderline psycho- — get out fast…..

    JCL
    Member

    I’m wondering what kind of “club” this is? Jealousy, headcams, trips away…

    Keys in a bowl?

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