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Chatting up the ex under a different name!
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Posted 1 year ago #
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glittergary -you're an unfeeling ****. Curly68 -get a grip mate, you have the tools..
Posted 1 year ago # -
Curly - there have been some sensible suggestions on here. You do need to step back and make time to take a long hard look at yourself and your situation.
Once you reach the point of clarity, you will know what to do.
But, as others have suggested, a visit to your GP would be a good starting point.
Meantime, probably best to avoid any relationships until you are in control of your situation.
Do hope things work out for you.
Edit: I do hope that those who have posted unhelpful replies do not find themselves in a difficult situation. There are some particularly stupid responses.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Call a+e and ask to speak to the duty psychiatrist, there's no stigma, I do it fairly regularly
i work in mental health, duty psych is usually asleep at night,
Posted 1 year ago # -
Lets keep this thread alive & positive, a word of support can work wonders, and you never know when you might need the same.
Cheers.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Your ex is stringing you along. If there was a future for you, you'd already be back together.
Harsh words, but you need a clean break and to build your life back up without her.
As stoatsbrother said:
If you can pull her on facebook under an assumed identity, you can pull someone more deserving of your affection who won't play mindgames with you.
Posted 1 year ago # -
You need to start setting some boundaries with your ex and try and regain some control of the situation and stop it getting more complicated and probably worse than it already is. This could include telling her that she will not be welcome to stay overnight when she is visiting your daughter. You could also close your new Facebook account and block your ex from your original one - if you keep prying you will eventually find out some information you will not want to hear, such as when she meets someone new. She seems to be controlling you - you state you met someone else last year but your ex somehow caused it to end - this is not acceptable behaviour.
If you are feeling very depressed you could also consider the Samaritans - they will at least be non-judgemental listeners which you obviously need.
Good luck and hope it all sorts itself out positively!
Posted 1 year ago # -
Kevevs - Member
Curly68 -get a grip mate, you have the tools..Curly68 - Member
Work van broken into and stole all MY power toolsHmmm. Other than that.... Loads of good advice here. Years ago I was in a slightly similar situation - fortunately for me and unfortunately for her, the lady concerned was on a downward spiral of drunken depression which made me see her in a new light and I was able to just cut off all contact (she lived two floors beneath me, so this required a Herculean effort). I'm now good (facebook) friends with her and happily married.
I absolutely agree with those suggesting you cut off contact, other than that required for the wellbeing of your kids.
Best of British.
Posted 1 year ago # -
I was thinking along the lines of Philby, above. She is enjoying having control of you, for whatever reason that gives her a kick. She deliberately shut down the other relationship you mentioned. What right did she have to do that?
So you should take control of your own life - which as everyone here says, includes stopping her control you. It's not easy but you can do it. Set your own rules in your house - certainly don't let her stay over. She won't like not controlling you and will shout, so cut off the MSN and Facebook contact and ignore her yelping. It's your life, not hers. There are women like that (and men too). Don't let them.
EDIT: show yourself too that you can sort out the other problems in your life, piece by piece put it back together. Prove to yourself that you don't need her control to do it. Then enjoy your life.
Posted 1 year ago # -
As usual, a lot of polarised opinions, and some childish, pretty brutal responses. It's sad that you're having to resort to asking for help on here, but let's face it, you're not the first, and I'm sure you wont be the last. First off, stop with the facebook and msn stuff - as most people have said, it's never gonna have a happy ending. Your ex does indeed seem to be getting some kind of gain from all this, whereas you're just ending up totally screwed up. I can empathise (from personal experience) about your current situation regarding feeling totally alone, etc, but believe me, what your doing at the moment isnt the answer. Things can, and do, change, you'll wake up one day and it'll just click, but right now, you need to put some distance between yourself and your ex. Do more stuff with the kids, make them your priority, but if it's at all possible, try to avoid letting them take sides - it's all too easy for kids to be used as pawns in these situations. My e-mails in my profile if you wanna off load, and in the meantime, please try and avoid facebook. Oh, and Ernie, I have an image of you doing salsa that I wish I didnt have!
Posted 1 year ago # -
You need to ask yourself why your wife is 'stringing you along' like this.
She has power over you by occasionally sleeping with you etc and it may suit her for you to be hanging around just waiting for a call from her (she clearly isn't comfortable about you seeign other people).
I agree with the sensible posts above - keep the relationship with her 'professional' (i.e. just practical stuff about kids/money/etc).
Go to a club with the kids, take them for bike rides or whatever but you need to get out and leave your wife in the background - she's clearly enjoying manipulating you and you're playing straight into her hands.
Posted 1 year ago # -
What size is your lad? If you wish I can borrow a bike from work for him and we can ride at Thetford tomorrow. Good luck with resisting the ex. Get through today and hopefully I'll see you tomorrow.
Posted 1 year ago # -
TALK TO HER. Don't deceive or trick, it can be seen as extremely insulting.
Posted 1 year ago # -
I didn't sleep again last night. Have today off as I am working tomorrow so went for a walk up into town. Popped into the county court and dropped off my papers there for the repossesion hearing in a couple of weeks, then splashed a little cash on a pair of Vans for my daughter's BMX racing! That felt a bit better but not as good as the look on her face will be when she gets them later.
Tried to ring the doctors but they were busy! Will try again later.
Your replies are very similar (well the honest ones anyway) and I will have to make a decision and man up as it were. Everytime I try to talk to her about what she wants, she gets all narked and turns it around onto me!Posted 1 year ago # -
Ian,
You need to stop listening to Slipknot.
Beware of Facebook.
Posted 1 year ago # -
How did you know I walked into town and back with Slipknot and Lamb of God on my Ipod?
Posted 1 year ago # -
Read all this this morning and didn't really feel i could add to the good advice.
Hope you are going to stop letting her manipulate you and ditch all the facebook stuff. Hope you also realise you have more people to talk to than you thought.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Curly68 - Member
.......... Everytime I try to talk to her about what she wants, she gets all narked and turns it around onto me!
Stop talking to her. Minimum contact for the sake of the kids and that is all. She doesn't stay at your house, she gets nowhere near your bed, block her on msn and facebook
You have to take charge and this will be a liberating thing to do. She is manipulating you.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Lets not demonise the mother of your child/ren as in the long run you have to stay in contact with each other. Yes she may be manipulating you but most likely its probably not in a concious vindictive way, like you her self esteem is probably low, she feels alone so being able to control you and your libido makes her feel better about herself, however it will also ultimately make her respect you less and less. Why else would she be chatting to men on the internet if not to boost her self esteem?
You have to start making things more on your terms but not in an agressive way. She will probably go mad at you at first, just be the bigger man and be calm and assertive. After a while she will get her respect for you back and at that point you can seriously discuss how your relationship should continue. From experience you should either be together or apart as the situation you are in now just eventually leads to more pain and resentment. It is tough when you are lonely, something good always comes along eventually.
If you can't get away in the evenings is there club/activity you can rope your son into at the weekends so you can meet mums?
Posted 1 year ago # -
I am fairly sure that this is actually illegal...
Posted 1 year ago # -
A quick scan through reveals TJ's as being good advice...
If you are being made redundant and in danger off losing the house get some good money advice - in 99% of cases house repossession can be avoided if you take the right steps.
You sound possibly depressed to me - go get pro help. GP first port of call, counselling can really help as well
When you are redundant get out on your bike! Exercise is the best thing for what ails you
You either stop seeing her now, except for children matters, or you BOTH commit to some relationship councelling. If not then move on mate. Treat yourself to a healing period. Just you. Dont fret on finding a replacement. Do your thing for a while. Get your head straight. Get used to being you, & being happy with your lot. As for moving on, you need to be free of all this stuff first. No women is going to want some sob story. You dont sound thick, you've obviously got a lot to offer someone. But stalking her isnt going to get you there. Take advice & you'll be in a far better place soon enough. Drag your ass up Cannock of you fancy a day out riding somewhere different.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Agree with the sensible comments. Stop all the extraneous chat. Play it cool and move on. At the moment she will be getting satisfaction from the idea that you will be there as a safety net for her. And you may even take some comfort from that. However, it sounds as though she is more ready to move on than and when that happens, you'll be dropped rapidly. Better for you to tske control and chose the moment when that break occurs and to make that break yourself. No need for an announcement, just minimise your facebook and internet contact. Get online and flirt with other women, you obviously have the knack.
Posted 1 year ago # -
I think i have fell in to a Jeremy Kyle episode by mistake?
Posted 1 year ago # -
I haven't read all of page 2 and 3, but this sounds gutt-wrenchingly awful. Stop torturing yourself man! Delete all the FB accounts, cancel the broadband for a month or two, and concentrate your energies on yourself and your own life (and the kids, obviously) for a little while. She's playing you like a ball, by the sounds of it.
Sympathy, and good luck.
Posted 1 year ago # -
I almost hope this is just some cynical social experiment and that Curly68 is happily sat in a lab using us as test-specimens, but if not...get yourself to Shelter (the housing charity), it wont stop your issues with your ex but they may be able to remove the threat of repossession, the sooner you act the more they can do for you.
Your nearest appears to be:
Ground Floor Tudor House, 13 East Stockwell Street, Colchester, CO1 1SS.
Phone: 0344 515 1860, 0800 085 1798 freephonePosted 1 year ago # -
Its not an experiment though I wish it was! Just phoned Shelter and someone will be calling back this afternoon, so thank you for that.
Posted 1 year ago # -
You need to seriously stop using Facebook, MSN, texting and the such as they are really not healthy. These things are really not good for talking to someone as feelings and what people really mean don't always come across correctly. You also end up wondering why you haven't got an instant reply and trying to work out the meanings in words. As you see her often I would just sit her down and say things aren't working for you and are screwing you up. Lay down the law in nice way and say things have to change to keep you healthy. If she cares then she will be willing to change your setup. If she doesn't care then she will kick of and refuse to change, but at least you will have an answer. Cool to hear that you are getting help as I have always found that talking to the professionals does always really help. Suddenly you realise you are not alone and things can change.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Good luck. Keep us in the picture. If one thing this has hopefully shown you've plenty of friends here if you need a chat
Posted 1 year ago # -
Saw this thread this morning, chin up lad and the very best of luck.
There is some good advise here from very well intentioned folk, just hope it all works out for you.
Posted 1 year ago # -
This is how it is mate; She doesn't want you but she doesn't want to lose her hold over you. The only reason you're still getting a "sniff" is because she hasn't found anyone else and it's doing her ego good to think that someone wants her. Sorry buddy, you need to detatch yourself from this woman now. Then she'll also be feeling the insecurities that you are.
Posted 1 year ago #
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