No capitals so this isn't officially a rant…

Why do people who sell door to door insist on asking me if I am the home owner as soon as I open my front door? Try introducing yourself first and maybe give me a f**king clue as to why you've just dragged me away from work before you patronise me! One idiot even asked if my mum was at home – I'm 41 years old!!

Anyway…back to work.

But it gives you an immediate out – just say 'no'.

One idiot even asked if my mum was at home – I'm 41 years old!!

lol

Just say no!

next time answer the door with a balaclava on your head and a pillowcase with 'Swag' written on it

Just tell em you want everything they're selling and watch their faces light up!

Tell em your name is Les.

Then tell em your carer will be back soon with your blankety blank cheque book and pen to sign up for the super deal!

Winner 😉

Yesssss darling, doo step in and make yourself comfortable my darrrllling……

Ask him if he is the rent boy you have ordered.

Well, was your mum in?

I like to adopt a hand on hips stance and say of course i am gorgeous, just wait there while I get the baby oil and photo of Barry sheen

No, I'm the heteroner, but if you wait a bit, I can get my friend Gervais for you…

Homo ner 😯

Some of you seem to have had a little too much practice at this sort of thing… 😳

One idiot even asked if my mum was at home – I'm 41 years old!!

I have been moving into a mates 'dump' the last few weeks in preparation of residing there while he gets work done on it over the next year or so. I get dirt cheap rent, he gets somebody around prepared to muck in.

Last Sunday I was over there to escape the missus and do some work. 2 hours into someone at the front door went BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG knocking as if they wanted to break the door in.

I immediately thought "F…k that I can't be arsed to see who that is" Thirty seconds later the same again.

I got up and went to the top of the stairs to hear someone saying " I'll stand by the corner of the gate to keep an eye out" and then five more knocks.

Fight mode kicked in and I ran down tore the door open ready to confront some local raggies to find my next door neighbours son stood there.

"Is it ok if my kid gets the frisby from your garden? I saw you were in and I thought I should ask"

It took so much effort to not scream at him for banging on the door like that. Told him it wasn't a problem and next time to knock a bit quieter.

"Are you the home owner"?

Absolutely boils my piss that one, especially when it's some d£ckhead who has just rung the bell 3 times because a 'kindly neighbour' said "he must be in his car's outside", conveniently forgetting that (unlike some of them who wouldn't dream of walking the 400 yards to the shops) I have legs which quite happily enable me to mobilise from my house, sometimes even on a bicycle. That is not the problem however. The problem is that I WORK SHIFTS !!! 👿 👿

I would love to say that I am polite and point out that their question is actually incorrect in most circumstances and asking if you are 'THE' homeowner is fairly ridiculous as I'm certain there is more than one. However, if they are reasonably to the point and don't try and flannel me with cowcack then they get a polite no thanks. If however they try and give a scripted sales spiel, despite the fact that I am standing there in a dressing gown looking even more bloodshot eyed and dishevelled than I normally am then they get a tirade which usually starts with "HOW DARE YOU…..and ends with GET TO F… OFF MY DOORSTEP"

The problem is that I WORK SHIFTS !!!

Not thought of a sign that says "no bloody uninvited callers" or "entry for postman only" etc? Or some sort of cutout for the doorbell?

Not thought of a sign that says "no bloody uninvited callers" or "entry for postman only" etc? Or some sort of cutout for the doorbell?

We have one, they all just ignore it. My wife will look out the window when people knock and if she thinks they're cold callers she'll just leave them to it. I'll open the door and start tapping the sign.

when we built an extension recently it was no coincidence that I positioned the bathroom window directly above the front door 😈

Dunraven windows do my **** head in every week they are around a minibus turns up to blitz the estate with whipper snapper door sellers and I live in a newish **** house – "do you want windows" yes just one please, to stuff you through now **** off is the usual response!!!!!!!!!

argh I've even written to them asking them to not call at my door!!!!

sorry but it really gets my goat door sellers

I don't think I ever answer the door unless someone I know has arranged to visit. If it is someone I know, they'll try my mobile anyway…

Ive had the are your parents in one I told them they should probably knock on their door to find that out.

But this is the absolute best response.

falkirk-mark – Member
Ask him if he is the rent boy you have ordered.

Think I might give that a go next time.

do you want your roof tiles cleaned!!

not only do i want to point out that several buildings i can think of have tiled roofs over 100 years old

but also that we had a new roof last year – if they looked up they would see it!!

idiots

We got double glazing flyers for our house when it was still less than a year old. Why TF would we want to shell out for new windows when the existing ones are brand new?

We also got flyers saying that people wanted to buy houses in our area. We've only just bloody well moved in, all of us have – why on earth would we be moving out again within 12 months?

Had one flogging some sort of home improvement the other day. So there he is on the step pushing away at the door bell right next to the no Door step salesman notice, so I get to the door with wet tile adhesive all over me and off he goes into his spiel. To which I respond no thanks chap, I'm not interested….. to which he retorts whys that?, so not wishing to prolong the conversation I say becuase I've got no money (not especially untrue). So he's away again with well you don't even know the price yet……..

So cutting a long story short if you see a little fella with a handful of tattered leaflets staggering about with a trickle of blood from one ear, and his hair sticking straight out to the back, could I just ask that you don't use the words "which bit of I'm not interested did you not understand?" As you may find that it will cause distress, quivering and possibly tears………. the **** halfwit!

Whilke on the subject of intrusions of this nature, am I alone in thinking about having my land line disconnected, as the only incoming calls we ever receive are around about 5:30 – 6:30 and invariably start off in the same way as the OP, but with an Indian accent??

We have [a sign telling people to sod off], they all just ignore it.

Hmm. Gits. Perhaps a doorbell that when in position A rings the doorbell but when in position B delivers a small electric shock to the person pressing it?