One of my mates apparently had a lung transplant during the summer, I say ‘apparently’ because none us actually believe that he did as he likes too exaggerate a lot of things. He fell out with us today when we told him we didn’t believe him as he doesn’t seem to be in any pain and has recently started MMA which we assumed would cause a lot of pain after having your ribs broken to transplant a lung. Anyway, he said he wasn’t in any pain because they didn’t break his ribs they ‘cut’ them which in my mind just means they broke them very cleanly right? Would cutting ribs be any different to breaking them?

they put the new lungs into your buttocks rather than into the chest cavity, to avoid having to break anything

Speaking in my medical capacity as a work place first aider I can confirm that, nowerdays, there’s no need to cut or break any ribs. They just feed the replacement lungs down your gullet with a length of coat hanger wire and re-inflate them up with a bike pump. A very sophisticate procedure, a bit like keyhole surgery. No need for any lengthy stays in hospital, it’s all done in a couple of hours under a local anaesthetic.

Now go and apologise to your friend.

Ah, sorry slugwash – I bow to yr superior status

So the bumhole surgery I had was for something else ?

(I still say squeeze his arse & see if it’s like a set of bagpipes)

Ask to see the scar, or perhaps they inserted his new lung through his arse, which he is obviously speaking through.

“as a work place first aider” – that’s a fine qualification, sir. Could you also please confirm the claim of a woman I used to work with that she had her baby by keyhole surgery?

A) lung transplants are rarely done on a whim, so he must have been pretty unwell before hand..cystic fibrosis perhaps
B) usually it’s a sternotomy , so they cut the ‘breast plate’, not the ribs. A whopping scar is usually the giveaway…
C)I don’t see why mma would be out of the question either..

DrP

Unless he’s had the new ‘buttock implant’ i read about online recently…?

Bloke at work just had a new kidney. He is at the hospital regularly and takes a lot of pillsvdaily to stop his body rejecting the organ. He has to take pills for the rest of his life, which I believe is the case for all transplant patients.

Does his breath smell like someone elses?

That’s the best indicator.

claim of a woman I used to work with that she had her baby by keyhole surgery?

She’s just flirting with you

hmm… so they wouldn’t actually have cut through his ribs? maybe there was a grain of truth to what he said then… i feel kinda bad now. I’ll apologise tomorrow.

I still say squeeze his arse & see if it’s like a set of bagpipes

I reckon this could be an appropriate apology 😛

Edit: Although saying that none of us have seen any sign of a scar, but i’ll still apologise tomorrow anyway

Ask to see the scar.

Then sucker punch him in the chest and see what occurs.

It turns out that he does actually have the whopping great big scar on his chest so naturally im feeling like a bit of an @rse right now

I’ll go apologise big style tomorrow

He could still be a big fat liar…maybe he didn’t have a lung transplant at all, maybe he had a metallic heart valve replacement and coronary grafts (would produce the same scar), but gets off on telling his mates he’s had new lungs or summink…….?!

DrP

(it DOES sound like an apology is on the cards, doesn’t it!) 😉