I have this mate, yeah, and he can summon up the most incredible farts by sticking his arse in the air and ‘drawing in’ a bucket load of air.
I literally nearly died of laughter watching him do it one night, huge bottom belch after belch. I actually asked him if he was able to breath that way round.. I was confused for a moment.

Try as I might, I cannot achieve this feat. Do we have any bum breathers lurking here? Any tips for the best way to achieve gaseous enlightenment?

You know what – this place used to be nice. Then thegreatape lowered the tone. Now we’re going from one low tone to a lower one – its a race to the bottom.

50 shades of brown.

Yes, I can do that. Once you get nice and relaxed, you can suck quite a bit of air in on the in-squeeze. Problem being, can be difficult to get a rattler out on the out-squeeze. It can tend to just whoosh out in laminar flow form rather than the turbulence caused by a chattering sphincter.

Haven’t tried in ages but will have a go this evening and report back.

I used to know a girl who could do that with her front bottom. Does that count?

Every time someone mentions thegrateape I keep chuckling at thegreatgape comment from the other day and this thread seems the appropriate place to bring that up!

I’ve also seen some one do the same thing.
First time i saw him do it was at the top of a climb up the Longminge while we were waiting for the rest of the group.
The sight of someone in late 1980’s MTB multi coloured lycra on hands and knees rocking backwards and forwards while describing how he was opening and closing his ringpiece is something i will never be able to bleach from my mind.

dd – please do report back on your form.

It was the in-squeeze that I could never master. Any tips on best position to create the best sphincter pucker?

SSS – to think that he would still be raising laughs nearly 30 years later hopefully makes it worth your suffering.

Onzadog – Member

I used to know a girl who could do that with her front bottom. Does that count?

Same here! Most unsexy thing you can do with a vagina tbh

I could do this do my heart’s content as a teenager. Never attempted as an adult. Tempting……

It was the in-squeeze that I could never master. Any tips on best position to create the best sphincter pucker?

Google image “yoga rabbit” and start puckering gently.

(Best to do when you know your colon isn’t harbouring any surprises.)

Mental note: if DD is ever installing flooring for me then insist he wears some bibshorts so no crack will be exposed!

Most unsexy thing you can do with a vagina tbh

Great name though! Queef (as opposed to Fanny Fart). 😀

Most unsexy thing you can do with a vagina tbh

Sounds like we need another thread

“A fridge doesn’t fart when you take your meat out.”

I end up breathing out of my arse every time I try to ride my bike up a hill.
Do I win five pounds?

This should go on the superpowers thread.

given the thread subject it’s probably best the photo post failed…

Is it the right place to note that i can do this, but sort of involuntarily voluntarily. There’s a certain activity (shall we say involving a bedroom and some gymnastics) that seems to result in a build up of high pressure wind which i can then release in not just one, but a series of window rattlers. It only happens after certain specific ‘procedures’ and any attempts to reproduce the similar physical motions ‘solo’ are fruitless.

I can’t work out if it’s the actual motion, or an internal spasming or both together, or what. But I’ll bet a penny to a pound, if Mrs tojv is open to a bit of nocturnal niceties in a particular manner, then I’ll soon be celebrating with a 9 bum salute.

Is it the right place to note that i can do this, but sort of involuntarily voluntarily.

No, but you have made me laugh out loud. 🙂

Perhaps the time has come for a resurrection of an old skill – https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tomane

Mrs tojv is open to a bit of nocturnal niceties in a particular manner, then I’ll soon be celebrating with a 9 bum salute.

She probably hasn’t strapped it on tight enough.
Air is getting in round the edges.

Any tips on best position to create the best sphincter pucker?

Have you tried a short prison sentence?

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JdJipPOhno[/video]

Papa!

Nicole!

Beaten to it by @Fruitbat – we used to have a book (biography!?) of Le Petomane in our house when we were young – the challenge among the 4 men of the house was who could burp and fart at the same time…

Stay classy STW…..

This is what you reminded me of theotherjonv:
[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tqvRDsywLY[/video]

I’m still none the wiser with regards to achieving this wonderful feat – but im heartened to learn that the skill is alive and well.

I have the exhale nailed but I just cannot achieve the starfish suck.

“Problem being, can be difficult to get a rattler out on the out-squeeze. It can tend to just whoosh out in laminar flow form rather than the turbulence caused by a chattering sphincter.”

Better than anything Stephen Fry has ever written.

if Chattering Sphincter isn’t already a band, then i’m forming it.
Who’s in?

if Chattering Sphincter isn’t already a band, then i’m forming it.
Who’s in?

*tries to join band. Gets blown out*

Is it a wind band?

Or in my particular case, a wood wind band.

mate – there’s always room for a percussionist.

First album name ideas:

‘I remember Trumpton’

‘Gusto’

‘Blowing me, Blowing you’

‘Dutch Oven’

‘Don’t push too hard’

‘The Squits’

Acutally, the last one could be a perfect collaboration:

‘Chattering Sphincter & The Squits’

I’d love to see Jules Holland get his hootenanny around that one.

Break like the wind , Shirley

cheers perchy – that’s my afternoons playlist sorted.

New album idea: ‘Dairy Air’

There’s this American band:

http://www.buttholesurfers.com/

Wiki says:

“Rooted in the 1980s hardcore punk scene, Butthole Surfers quickly became known for their chaotic and disturbing live shows, black comedy, and a sound that incorporated elements of psychedelia, noise, punk rock and, later, electronica, as well as their use of sound manipulation and tape editing. Butthole Surfers have a well-reported appetite for recreational drugs, an evident influence on their sound.”

indeed – was listening to Independent Worm Saloon only yesterday

Many moons ago (‘scuse pun), I attended a function at a bus drivers’ social club. One of the acts that performed that night was a very leggy black lady who entertained us by smoking a cigarette with her anus. She even blew the most impressive smoke rings. The audience was agape and silent. It was amazing.

I had completely forgotten that I discovered how to do this as a kid. You brought back the memory, slimjim78. Thanks, I think.

Same here! Most unsexy thing you can do with a vagina tbh

Pfft, well SOMEBODY’S never had a smear test.