Power of Attorney is a good idea.
i eventually had to do it for my parents. it was agreed with the rest of my family that seeing as i would be the main carer that full control of my parents affairs should go to me.
with my in laws..its a bit trickier. i have suggested it to them but as 2 of my wifes sisters are seen as the “main carers” they would need to decide amongst them on how best to to it…and then get their stubborn parents to agree to it.

reading some of the stories here….its tough and can be heartbreaking to hear what other people are going through and more importantly what their elderly parents are going through.

looking back at my own time with my parents…last time i spoke to my dad and had a coherent conversation with him was in August 1999. we were all on holiday in Bangladesh and he decided to stay for a few more months. he bid me farewell at the airport and told me to behave and look after my mum…2 months later he suffered a massive stroke that left him paralysed down the right side of his body and unable to speak….mum had to go back with my brother to bring him back…after that point i took over full time as the main carer while i was still studying at university.
my mum tried to help but the effect of my dads condition had had a massive effect on her and her health took a massive nosedive too. the in fighting in my family between my brothers and sisters had also took their toll on the both of them.
watching and caring for my dad in the final 5 years of his life, i saw that he had become an empty shell of the man he once was. i think he found it harder than i did to come to terms with his youngest son having to bath, change and help feed him. toilet time were the worst…i could see the sadness in his eyes at times when i would give him his weekly shave.
in the end there was nothing more i could do for him and we took that tough decision to have him placed in a care home where he could get round the clock care and supervision…he lasted 6 weeks there before he fell ill after his kidneys packed in…exactly 7 days after my 26th birthday he passed away on valentines day.
his death had an even greater effect on my mum…she suffered a stroke 1 year later then another the following year. she could still speak but her movements were restricted. by then my little sister had moved in with us so she could help with the jobs that i couldnt do such as the bath and toilet duties. everything else was still my job. but i could see the effect the loss of my dad had on her….it was like she had lost the will to live. i could see the depression in her but she wouldnt talk about it and my family didnt want to hear of it.
when i finally got married in 2006 she seemed really happy and i thought i had my mum back, we all did. but then while i was on our belated honeymoon she fell ill…we had to get an emergency flight back to check on her as i knew something wasnt right.
straight off the plane i headed to the hospital…wife was 6 weeks pregnant and suffering badly from morning sickness so i sent her home. when i got to the hospital, mum was surprised to see me. her words were “what you doing back?” and “where’s your wife?”…i told her i came back to see how she was and she told me off for cutting my honey moon short because of her. i told her my wife wasnt feeling too well so it was a good thing we came back…i wanted to tell her the good news but i thought “we’ll both tell her in the morning”
she then told me to go home and get some rest as i’d been on a long flight and to come see here i the morning…i didnt want to go but she made me go…i think she sussed that the missus was pregnant and needed me
it was a 30 minute drive home from the hospital…just as we got in the house the hospital phoned us and told us to come back as she had taken a turn for the worst. by the time we got back she had passed away peacefully…exactly 7 days before my 30th

sorry if this was a bit long winded….some of it was relevant (i hope), nut i just wanted to offload and share my experiences of dealing with my parents.
my wife has all this yet to come…i’m dreading that moment as i know it will bring up my memories, and she’ll be looking to me for answers because i’ve been there…