Xmas jokes?

One from the staff as I walked in this morning –

On the radio, Chris Rea: “Driving home for christmas….”

John: “They’ve probably moved.” 😆

😐

What does the Queen call her Christmas broadcast?
The One show..

Thank you thank you. I’m here all week. Try the fish. 😕

Why is Santa such a crap lover?

Because he only comes once a year and when he does, it’s down your chimney.

OR

Why is Santa such a good lover?

Because he only comes once a year but when he does he fills your stockings.

Paul McCartney bought his ex wife a new artificial leg this Christmas. It wasn’t her main present, it was just a stocking filler.

That reminds me. I went to the supermarket to get some Oxo cubes for the Mrs as she needs them for the gravy on Christmas day, but they didn’t have any. They were out of stock

Paul McCartney bought his ex wife a plane for Christmas.

She uses a razor on the other leg.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.

You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells” . Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “They’re Carols”.

Did you hear about the babybell nativity? It’s all about the birth of the little baby cheeses….