i’m with steveoath, take down his reg number and car details, if poss i’d take a pic, and write (paper trail) to the head of the school expressing concern for safety of other childeren.

i did a similar thing, though not such a hideous sin as being an arse driving, when i saw a taxi driver smoking whilst waiting in his car at teh school when my kids were in junior school. the head jumped on it very fast.

but having done the ‘school run’ now, both on foot and in a car, for 13/14 years i can honestly say that my well worn line of ‘99% of parents seem to take their brains out when they drive to school’ is totally true. the day to day level of utterly incosiderate behaviour when kids are on the roads/pavements is appalling. just this morning i did my best middle class exasperating gesticulation to a woman, obviously late, driving at a crazy speed (in a 20mph area) weaving around parked cars straight at me.

Plus he’ll already have a “valid” reason on the tip of his tongue. Something along the lines of “I only see my kid once a week and he freaks out if he’s not close to me” and “I have to phone his mother immediately after I drop junior off because we’re going through a rough patch and she gets worried about him, plus she’s disabled and on medication for depression” etc etc etc

read this a few times and I’m still not quite sure what it means.
true or not it doesn’t change the outcome as he’s doing something wrong. But, I thnk you’re suggesting that these problems you illustrate are merely a lie?

lovewookie – Member

Plus he’ll already have a “valid” reason on the tip of his tongue.

read this a few times and I’m still not quite sure what it means.
true or not it doesn’t change the outcome as he’s doing something wrong. But, I thnk you’re suggesting that these problems you illustrate are merely a lie? [/quote]

Yeah. I believe that when someone does something like pick up the phone while driving or park in in a disabled bay they know they are doing something wrong, so they quickly craft a little narrative which justifies their actions (at least in their own head).

When these actions are challenged by someone else (particularly someone other than the police) the justification suddenly morphs and becomes a hugely important life or death situation which justifies them lashing out.

So the guy driving through the school car park on his phone is just being a tosser, knows it, but if you challenge him about it you are jeapordising his marriage, or his career or whatever his excuse was that day.

These are fine sentiments and I agree 100% in principal. Unfortunately we’ve drifted into a society where challenging any stranger on anything (even something blatantly illegal) is taken as a deep insult.

It’s society’s problem and if we don’t address it, then we implicitly accept it.

I hate to use the B word, but there are some horrible racist/xenophobic elements not far under the surface. If someone expresses them to you are you going to challenge them? Or walk away tutting, because it might be difficult.

We collectively need to grow a pair.

Be prepared for a potentially horrible and massively disproportionate reaction.

Be prepared to live somewhere horrible if we can’t stand up for what’s right.

heotherjonv

It’s society’s problem and if we don’t address it, then we implicitly accept it.

Be prepared to live somewhere horrible if we can’t stand up for what’s right.

I agree. I’m just saying pick your battles. If you’re 6’4, 18 stone and have a hard look about you then you’ll probably not get much blow back when you correct someone. If you’re fun sized and look bookish expect to get threatened.

I hate to use the B word, but there are some horrible racist/xenophobic elements not far under the surface.

Jesus Christ, not this shit again.

why is it ‘this shit’?

As a society we’ve got used to tutting and walking off. I just don’t think that’s going to be acceptable in future. Mobile phone usage / parking on the zig zags is a different matter but if we can’t get better at dealing with those sorts of confrontations, when it comes to the big ones, we’re screwed.

Do what’s right, not what’s easy.

Nope, white – just checked back through the pictures I sent to the school. Not sure on the signs though – I would need to check on that.

White ZZs don’t need signs to be enforced, so you’re good. Yellow ones do.

Yeah. I believe that when someone does something like pick up the phone while driving or park in in a disabled bay they know they are doing something wrong, so they quickly craft a little narrative which justifies their actions (at least in their own head).

I think some do, and I’m guessing thats what you’ve mostly come across, but I do think it’s really difficult to evaluate what is a reactionary made up exuse and what is a genuinely ‘about to pop’ reaction from x,y and z happening in their lives.

If it’s the latter, I think it’s better to fake empathy to get your point across than challenge and accuse. In any case, the outcome is the same, he’s doing something wrong and should be told not to by someone of authority (be that law or social)

So the guy driving through the school car park on his phone is just being a tosser, knows it, but if you challenge him about it you are jeapordising his marriage, or his career or whatever his excuse was that day.

Over thinking this or lots of experience?

Anyway if you’re bothered about it you need to speak to the guy, stand up for what you believe in, don’t hide behind the police or school. Fair enough if your chat doesn’t make a difference but that’s the right thing to do surely?

To many people complain about things and expect others to sort it out.

Gary_M

So the guy driving through the school car park on his phone is just being a tosser, knows it, but if you challenge him about it you are jeapordising his marriage, or his career or whatever his excuse was that day.

Over thinking this or lots of experience?[/quote]

Depressingly the latter. Parking his car in the disabled bay in front of the gym “I can’t park anywhere else or my doors will get scratched”

Parking her new Audi in the parent and child spaces – “My daughter is in the shop, and my trolley (full of booze) is too heavy to push any further.

Letting his giant dog shit on the door step of a shop I worked in – “I don’t have a ****ing plastic bag do I?”

Taxi driver in the parent and child – “I’m picking up my disabled daughter, who is with her daughter…I know where you live. Mind your own business dickhead”.

and so on, and so on. I’ve pretty much given up now because it’s only a matter of time until it results in violence.

theotherjonv
why is it ‘this shit’?

Because if you want to discuss Brexit I am guessing maybe, just maybe, there are other threads where it has already been mentioned. And furthermore the benchmark for a racist or xenophobe (which is another way of saying racist) on STW is anyone who opposes the complete dissolution of of all national borders and completely free movement of any and all people globally. Whilst I support this utopian concept it is massively flawed in a practical sense. PS I voted remain.

Because if you want to discuss Brexit

I don’t (not here at least) – but it’s a valid point that we’re going to all have to get better at challenging the unacceptable behaviours that we encounter, whether that be bad parking or major issues like racism.

And furthermore the benchmark for a racist or xenophobe (which is another way of saying racist) {no, it isn’t BTW} on STW is anyone who opposes the complete dissolution of of all national borders and completely free movement of any and all people globally. Whilst I support this utopian concept it is massively flawed in a practical sense. PS I voted remain.

Not in my book it isn’t. In my case it was challenging the bloke who was saying it was a good thing that all the Poles would now get sent home.

But this isn’t about Brexit or definitions of racism so let’s leave that one. It’s about everyone growing a pair and standing up for what’s right, not what’s easiest or least likely to get the other party offended.

If you do have an interaction with him, however it goes, and you subsequently report him then he’ll know it came from you. Plus life’s too short to waste time on inconsiderate prats.

There is a height based one; under 12 and under 135cm you have to use a childseat. Above either and you don’t. So while there isn’t specifically a rule about too young to be in the front; if they’re too young there’s also a reasonable probability that they’re too short, in which case they can be nabbed for not being in a seat.

Blah blah bollocks. You’re defending a faulty premise using waffle.

A child can be in the front seat from birth, in the right seat. So how the flip can you be too young?

Anyway, the Police are not permitted to measure your child. If you say they’re big enough, there isn’t much they can do. It relies on parents being good parents.

I thought Jonv’s “b” word was “bigotry” TBH, not brexit…

If you’re 6’4, 18 stone and have a hard look about you then you’ll probably not get much blow back when you correct someone. If you’re fun sized and look bookish expect to get threatened.

I’m 5’9 and “bookish”. And when the situation requires it, I’m always the one to tell people to be quiet in the cinema, get off their phones in the car, stop swearing in front of my kids on the train, whatever.

I’ve never been abused, threatened or assaulted. In actual fact, most people apologise. Case in point; group of teenagers on the train being loud and sweary. I’ve got my 8 year-old with me. “Oi lads, can you not swear please? There are kids on here.” “OK sorry mate.” “No problem”.

We’re not a violent society. A slightly thoughtless dad, yakking on his phone while behind the wheel of his Range Rover, is not going to get out and punch anyone. He just needs telling. And I bet he’d never do it again 🙂

Depressingly the latter. Parking his car in the disabled bay in front of the gym “I can’t park anywhere else or my doors will get scratched”

Parking her new Audi in the parent and child spaces – “My daughter is in the shop, and my trolley (full of booze) is too heavy to push any further.

Letting his giant dog shit on the door step of a shop I worked in – “I don’t have a ****ing plastic bag do I?”

Taxi driver in the parent and child – “I’m picking up my disabled daughter, who is with her daughter…I know where you live. Mind your own business dickhead”.

and so on, and so on. I’ve pretty much given up now because it’s only a matter of time until it results in violence.

Yeah – selfish adults were selfish kids, and are well practised in the art of childish defensiveness. The defensive person is trying to derail you from the principle with excuses and obfuscation. The way to deal with defensiveness is to utterly refuse to be drawn into it.

“Oh come on – we’re adults aren’t we? Just clean up after your dog. Thanks.”

The art is not to try to “win” an encounter with a dickhead. You can’t. Just make your point and walk away. Just by raising the matter and requesting they rectify it, you’ve planted a seed and most people will think twice before doing the same behaviour again.

DPD aren’t going to bother putting the parcels on the van. As per usual

“SORRY, YOU WEREN’T IN WHEN YOU SAID. CU AT DEPOT, lol”

Havent read all the posts, so excuse me if this is being covered.

Mention to school – with your specific concerns. Ask them to send email to parents advising them that checks (no need to be specific on what kind!) are likely to be carried out in the area about driving standards especially in the school vicinity. These will target issues such as speeding, mobile phone usage, child seating etc.

“While we are confident that all parents behave in a responsible matter, we felt that it was worth bringing this initiative to your attention.” or concluding words to that effect.

@scottchegg

I was using ‘too young’ as a pragmatic assessment rather than a legal one. As i said if the parent’s responsible enough to insist they use a booster seat there’s also IMHO a higher probability that it’d be in the back seat. The parents the criticism was aimed at are the ones who DGAF about either.

Didn’t know the police can’t measure your child’s height though. Maybe they need those theme park stick things in their patrol cars.

I’ve never been abused, threatened or assaulted. In actual fact, most people apologise. Case in point; group of teenagers on the train being loud and sweary. I’ve got my 8 year-old with me. “Oi lads, can you not swear please? There are kids on here.” “OK sorry mate.” “No problem”.

This. I’m not exactly a Man Mountain myself, but even when i confronted a sweary ‘bigot’ at the football many years ago as a weedy student over his behaviour, there were several around me perfectly happy to back me up but who weren’t brave enough to address it first.

Being realistic – I don’t think I’d be brave enough to be Tianamen square tank boy, I wouldn’t go to the local EDL meeting on my own and call them out over their views. But 1-1, in a public place, absolutely. Even if it does make you a bit scared, collectively we have to start to do it because letting it go unchallenged implies acceptance.

Even if it does make you a bit scared, collectively we have to start to do it because letting it go unchallenged implies acceptance.

Agreed

So another question – what do you do/say to the parent that nearly takes one of your kids out as they swerved violently onto the pavement (almost 3/4s onto the path) as they attempt to abandon their car (incidentally on a corner/solid white line).

I felt like using lots of foul language but only managed to throw my arms up and shake my head like a good middle class/middle aged bloke this morning.

👿

One of the mums at the school was complaining to me yesterday about getting a parking ticket, whilst outside the school,on zigzags. When I told her I was glad ,she walked away. I wonder if she’ll speak today. 🙂

surprised no-one has suggested this.

franksinatra
surprised no-one has suggested this.

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqBp59R8xMQ[/video]

I’m 5’9 and “bookish”. And when the situation requires it, I’m always the one to tell people to be quiet in the cinema, get off their phones in the car, stop swearing in front of my kids on the train, whatever.

As shy students aged 18 and 19, one female member of our group got some unwanted attention (verbal only) on a train from a drunken lout. All us lads had no idea what to do, but a guy who must’ve been over 60 stepped in and politely told the guy to leave, which he did.

It’s not about how big you are.

a guy who must’ve been over 60 stepped in and politely told the guy to leave, which he did.

Did he look like this 😉

hebdencyclist

I’m 5’9 and “bookish”. And when the situation requires it, I’m always the one to tell people to be quiet in the cinema, get off their phones in the car, stop swearing in front of my kids on the train, whatever.

I’ve never been abused, threatened or assaulted.

molgrips

As shy students aged 18 and 19, one female member of our group got some unwanted attention (verbal only) on a train from a drunken lout. All us lads had no idea what to do, but a guy who must’ve been over 60 stepped in and politely told the guy to leave, which he did.

It must be a Belfast thing but if I had to ssshhhhh a bunch of teenagers in the cinema I would fully expect a brawl, or double their number to be waiting for me outside. Perhaps we have a different class of scumbag.

My point wasn’t that folks should sit meekly and accept crap from inconsiderate members of society, just that if you interject often enough, eventually things will turn nasty so don’t be surprised when it does.

It’s not about how big you are.

If you’re dealing with the type of person who is actually inclined to kick the shit out of you, yes it is.

I have had my fair share of confrontations whilst standing up for what I believe is right. The one that seems to pop up most is queuing. Once had a bit of a verbal bashing off a bloke who didn’t take kindly when I pointed out that my daughter got up early, queued appropriately and every morning his daughter walked straight past mine to the front of the queue to chat to her friend. Funnily enough from that point on, they never did it again.

Anyhow, a situation happened on Saturday. My daughter was competing at a very busy competition which resulted in adults and kids queuing for upto 15 mins for each activity. I was at the back of the queue with my daughter and a lady in front of us with her son. After a couple of minutes a guy in front left the queue with a couple of kids and disappeared. 10 mins later he came back and tried to slip back into line in front of us. Woman pointed out back of queue and the guy absolutely snapped back at her. He had just left to have a quick look at something (10mins) and he was with this other guy who then turned around and had another pop at the woman. Woman looked shocked and turned and gave me a knowing look. I SAID NOTHING.

Then the two blokes at once started on me saying the same things and stepping towards me. I was pretty sick by this point so I saw red and pointed out that a single woman may not want to cause a scene to 2 blokes but I was very keen to sort it out and if they thought being aggressive to a woman was appropriate then they need to look at themselves. Finished it with stepping towards both of them who thankfully went red and turned their backs. My daughter found it very funny.

Not something I like to do but it seems to be happening much more frequently these days because I personally feel that the general public are a load of knobs tbh

The problem with our society is it is no longer a society. It’s individuals looking out for themselves and screw everyone else who happens to be within the vicinity. That’s how it feels to me anyway. I hope I’m wrong but I don’t think I am.

The problem with our society is it is no longer a society. It’s individuals looking out for themselves and screw everyone else who happens to be within the vicinity.

I agree, and at the risk of labouring the point I don’t see it improving unless as a society we start to push back against those elements. And that starts with individuals doing what’s right.

That’s what it can and often does feel like. It is more and more of a surprise to me when people “do the right thing” than don’t.

That said, i had an amusing and interesting ‘altercation’ with a motorist this morning. I knocked on her window and she instantly had that ‘WHAT!’ look on her face (I don’t know what she was doing wrong, but assume she must’ve been)

She wound down the window and i said ‘if I called you Little Miss Sunshine would you have a clue what I’m on about?’

‘You what?’ she said. And then it dawned on her as I passed her the Little Miss Sunshine lidded coffee mug thing that was miraculously still on her roof where she’d put it before leaving home this morning. A smile, a wave and hopefully a motorist who doesn’t think cyclists are ****s, whereas all the other motorists in the same queue as her had ignored it.

You have a phone? it has a camera (or looks like it might)? Film him (or pretend to), point to the phone, smile and give him a thumbs up.

The problem with our society is it is no longer a society. It’s individuals looking out for themselves and screw everyone else who happens to be within the vicinity. That’s how it feels to me anyway. I hope I’m wrong but I don’t think I am.

Yep, started from late 70’s onwards where equality was far better and people were generally happier. Wonder what political changes happened from the 1980’s onwards that would have brought about a selfish, money obsessed country?

Was it this guy?

Did they go to the back of the queue TheLittlestHobo?

There is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families.

As the saying goes: ‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.’

Confront him. Leave him in no doubt you’ll report him if you see a repeat. Follow through if necessary.

If as individuals we start to look out for each other then maybe we can reverse that decline.

It was actually on a radio article I listened to yesterday as well…. about bullying in the workplace, where the conclusion was that if you see it but don’t do something about it then you’re effectively condoning it and would be treated as such.

Which got me to thinking about Savile as well, where everyone ‘knew’ but everyone assumed it was someone else’s job to deal with it. Because it would be ‘hard’ to do it themselves.

Common theme here about the need to step up ……….