If everyone in the world tried to stand on the Isle of Wight at the same time, the directors of Red Funnel Ferries would be able to buy a new Audi EACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If everyone on earth farted at the same time, it would knock the planet off its axis.

If everyone on earth farted and sneezed at the same time, it would cause a mass exstinktion.

Speed limits are more guidelines for motorcyclists.

A syndrome is not a pleasure palace.

And as for syntax…

“Dogs can’t look up”

It was on a flim and it must be true….

…Back to the Winchester 😉

and deer.

Grizzly bears are just brown bears in a bad mood.

If you’re experiencing a sense of pleasant satisfaction with your circumstances, you’re feeling gruntled.

The Isle of Wight is actually named for its original inhabitants. Wraith like creatures who left en mass in 11AD and formed a new dwelling that is now known to us as Halifax. You can actually see their eery descendants haunting the pubs of a weekend night in Tod and Sowerby Bridge.

Nigel Farage is a thoroughly decent chap with nothing but the good of the country and the welfare of the disadvantaged at heart

EDIT – on second thoughts

This forum is, apparently, the 4Chan of cycling

What’s cycling?

This forum’s real name is dadsnet.

If a motivational speaker ever tells you that nothing is impossible you can be sure they have never tried to stick a large trifle up their arse

Aardvarks are actually dogs with very long noses.

Veryaardvarks have stubby broken noses and tattoos and piercings. And a studded collar.

I before or after E except, or also, after C.

If a formula one car reverses at more than 20mph it will take off and fly like a plane. TThis is the reason why F1 cars are never put on conveyor belts.

Bilston has the world’s largest community of brown bears.

Vegans are not really from Vega.

Susanne Vega is very worried about the eating habits of her fans

Dinosaurs are thin at the front, fat in the middle and thin at the back.

That’s an important theory.

Woodchucks cannot actually chuck any wood

Woodchucks cannot actually chuck any wood

…but if they could?

…but if they could?

They don’t do manual work anymore, they’ve gone hipster. TRUE!

An actual fact, that if you removed all the empty space from every atom in every person, then the whole human race could fit in the volume of a sugar cube

Sounds made up to me.

Antipodeans are people with foot phobias

When one door closes, another door opens.

…according to my Grandad.

A wise man but a terrible cabinet maker.

If things don’t change they’ll remain as they are

Singing was originally invented in the 1400s and would NEVER acompany a tune. It was just words (thousands of years after musical instruments were played).

The combination of adding the sung words TO the played instruments was a more modern combination. A few weeks later, Top of the Pops was created as a by product of this event.
Also, “Now that’s what I call Music 1” was released at a similar time.

Makes you think.

DrP

American weather forecasters were prohibited from discussing tornadoes until the 1950s, when weather radar confirmed their existence.

Veryaardvarks have stubby broken noses and tattoos and piercings. And a studded collar.

..and they drink Woodchuck Cider ‘cos it’s HARD

Eating Wotsit’s makes men infertile. Small sponges what soak up all your spunk.

Jungle music was invented by Sir Phillip Drummond-Bass…

The theory espoused by car drivers that cyclists ride too slowly and so hold up the traffic but that they simultaneously ride too fast and so are a danger to pedestrians is known as Schroedinger’s Cyclist: FACT

The theory espoused by car drivers that cyclists ride too slowly and so hold up the traffic but that they simultaneously ride too fast and so are a danger to pedestrians is known as Schroedinger’s Cyclist: FACT

Brilliant… I’m stealing this.

True fact from the late great Brian Johnson,
If a cat has kittens on a pillow they are caterpillars.