You can tell a real duck from a fake one because one of its legs are both the same

I did not know this! I’m definitely going to check this out on the way home tonight. Amazing.

New Zealand has no edible native plants. The Maori lived entirely on fish and birds so their metabolisms explode when they eat grain.

The QWERTY keyboard layout was invented when Reginald D. Troutman suffered a mishap whilst playing extreme scrabble. This is a version of scrabble wherein the participants get high on glue whilst playing. Reginald famously collapsed at the 1963 ES world championships from being higher than shit, knocking over his tiles whilst simultaneously spilling his glue.

The rest, as they say, is history!

Joe Cocker ate my hamster.

(Hope he’s feeling OK)

The forum will all be sorted when the new one comes after Christmas.

Roger Moore is actually dead! RIP Roger

I have never had to wipe!

You can write the word banana with a single tub of hundreds and thousands.

Dogs, cats and horses are all the same animal. Clue’s in the number of legs, morons.

The Mueller report only reported true facts and came to a firm conclusion.

Richard Littlejohn is secretly worried that dicks are delicious.

20 Stoats can bring down a Cow!

More people signed the petition to revoke article 50 than voted for Farage’s Brexit party.

20 Stoats can bring down a Cow!

Or 40 weasels, 10 pine martens, 1 wolverine

If you encounter a Black bear, play dead and it won’t attack you. Brown bears will.

…or is it the other way around? I can’t remember.

Just have to remember ” If it’s brown take it downtown, if it’s black fake a heart attack”

[strong]jon1973[/strong] wrote:

If you encounter a Black bear, play dead and it won’t attack you. Brown bears will.
…or is it the other way around? I can’t remember.

Bear bells and cans of pepper spray are handy to avoid / fend off brown bear attacks

Black bear poo smells of pepper and has bells in it

All very useful, but what about grizzly bears?

All very useful, but what about grizzly bears?

African or European?

Tic Tac mints are made from the holes punched out of Polos.

Grizzly bears may intake up to 360 quarter pounders from McDonalds each day.

BMWs are equipped with awesome visual technology that enables indicators when within sight of an MoT Symbol, then disables them as soon as the car leaves the garage. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not because the driver is a bit of a dick.

Speed limits don’t apply to Audis, apart from the crappy little ones in which case the speed limit is actually half what the sign says it is

People who live in cities and never get further away from the city centre than an out of town shopping centre really do need a Range Rover.

Dundee Council do actually know what they’re doing

African or European?

Yes!

In that case pretend to be a baby seal.

I just looked it up and discovered another fact – If a bear attacks you it will bite off your face and wear it as a mask to enable it to get closer to picnickers.
(all here – https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bear-Attacks-Causes-Avoidance-Revised/dp/158574557X for verification purposes)

I just looked it up and discovered another fact – If a bear attacks you it will bite off your face and wear it as a mask to enable it to get closer to picnickers.
(all here – https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bear-Attacks-Causes-Avoidance-Revised/dp/158574557X for verification purposes)

Probably part of the origin of the phrase ‘bear-faced cheek’.

Probably FACT!

Most people only use 90% of their brain to complete routine tasks.

I was told it was a bear that had stolen all my tools… (looks suspiciously at DezB).

My bicycle has five wheels.

Most people only use 90% 9% of their brain to complete routine tasks live their entire life.

FTFY, etc.

90% of most people would need 205% of their brain to do statistics. write coherent sentences without editing less than twice.

Statistics are 100% made up.

Grizzly bears aren’t real. They’re just brown bears that have been taking “supplements” to help them make sick gains bro.

Speaking of sick. Sick bikes aren’t a real company. Jeremy Beadle is alive and sick is his tour de force comeback for Beadle’s about. Oh how we’ll laugh when he takes off his mask and fake tattoos

Bats are just nightime birds.

If you ever see a Volvo Xc being driven off-road(excluding pavements) then you’re actually witnessing an ongoing accident.

Fatty and thinny went to bed..
Fatty rolled over and thinny was dead!

Baby hamsters are called Hamlets.

Everyone in the world can fit on the Isle of Wight at the same time.

The Isle of Wight would actually sink if everyone in the world stood on it at the same time.