So, this seems a strange post to write but I feel like I’ve been living two separate lives.

This last year things began to spiral out of control with my wife being diagnosed with Rheunatoid Arthritis at 27, me becoming a carer whilst her medication settles and my own problems with the onset of anxiety and panic attacks.

Being told that we might not be able to have children was soul destroying. The medication my wife is on means a extremely high rate of birth defects and not being on the medicine leaves her crippled. All we wanted was a family so this really hit us hard.

For the last six months I’ve become a shell of my former self. I don’t go out to see friends, I make excuses to not be places and I let the anxiety win. All the while becoming a burden on my wife who needs me more than ever.

The only place I’ve felt like myself is on here, and that’s an image I paint of what I want to be and not who I really have become. I spend more time building bikes than I do ride.

Now I feel trapped, we’ve moved t Stockport to be nearer my wife’s family (which has been a real help) but I’ve no friendship group and spend my time at work and at home. I’ve put on weight and lost all motivation to stay fit.

I took the step to take my life back and have started seeing a counsellor through the NHS, he’s prescribed me citalopram but it destroyed my vision. The counselling is really helping and i do feel like there is a way forward.

I want to stop being who I am, I want to get out and be the old me, but the anxiety stands in my way. I don’t want to be a burden on people but I’ll never make new friends if I don’t take the step. I have a close friendship group but all have moved away with family and work. Biking and being outside make me so happy but the anxiety stops me getting out and meeting people.

I don’t really know what I hope to gain from posting this but maybe someone out there is feeling the same and needs that motivation too. I have an amazing family and the best wife in the world. Seeing me like this destroys her and she blames herself. The arthritis needs to be her focus not me.

Footy, Parkes. You’re a bloody good keeper and it won’t take much time out of your week

Oh, and get in touch sooner.

(a) ask for something other than Citalopram

(b) ignore the bluffing that you see on this forum. Most folk I’ve met are nowhere near as gnarly and active as you’d think by their posting on here. I bet someone will pop up in a few posts and offer to meet up under no pressure whatsoever (I would if I was closer) and you’ll go out and have a great time.

If you promise to take me to Lord of the Pies, I’ll happily nip by to talk crap and listen/share experiences, that I wouldn’t dare share on here.

(Genuine offer, but pies are a must)

Do you enjoy rugby? I’d be happy to take you to a game at the AJ Bell stadium (Salford).

First thing, stop calling yourself a burden. If people find you a burden, they probably don’t care enough anyway.
I have suffered with mental health issues over the years and have also been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. I have been a royal pain in the arse to my wife over the years, but she is still here, I assume, because she cares for me.

Medication never worked for me for either problem, but I have known it do wonders for others.

What worked for me was meditation and practicing mindfulness. It’s a bit of a cliche, I know, but it has reduced my anxiety levels significantly and has allowed me the perspective to see what matters and what does not.

Also exercise (though I am still a fat bastard).

ignore the bluffing that you see on this forum

It’s a good point in that people choose what they share. It’s easy to look at others’ “perfect” lives when in fact they’re as messed up and having as many issues as the rest of us. Don’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself to a rose-tinted fiction.

The only other thing I’d add is, if sounds like you feel bad because you’re a burden on her and she feels bad because she’s a burden on you. You need to both talk about turning that around; having been in a similar situation, I’d guess that you’re both better for each other rather than worse for each other and neither of you are communicating that to each other. You are each others’ rocks, not millstones. Realise that, believe that, and for the love of dog tell each other.

First thing, stop calling yourself a burden. If people find you a burden, they probably don’t care enough anyway.

Moreover the danger is, if you call yourself negative something often enough, eventually people start believing you.

It’s a good point in that people choose what they share. It’s easy to look at others’ “perfect” lives when in fact they’re as messed up and having as many issues as the rest of us. Don’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself to a rose-tinted fiction.

That, is something that should appear on the front page of Google.

I know I shouldn’t say burden, my wife is amazing she worries more about me than she does herself and getting better.

I read my posts on here sometimes and it’s like looking at a better version of me. I want to get out and ride again.

I know I can’t let the anxiety beat me and I know a panic attack can’t hurt me, I wish I could just shut it off. It’s not who I am. When I speak to people they don’t believe me. I’m just very good at putting up a front that everything’s ok.

Building up the 5 has kept me busy and I really do want to get back to what I love. I just know that is slow people down and most likely ruin their ride too! There’s the burden card again.

It frustrates me so much, I hear myself saying these things and it’s not me!

Brave post pal. I’m sure you’re not a burden and you shouldn’t think of yourself as one.

I’ve also moved away to be near wife’s family (she’s also got a chronic physical illness as it happens) and have left my social group behind.

The first couple of years were a bit hard but I’m getting out more now. Riding with others more than going to the pub sort of thing, but that’s my choice as we have two young and demanding kids – and social opportunities are very few and far between.

I am the other side of Manc and would be happy to show you the delights of Rivington if you’d like to bring your turquoise dream machine out.

Muddy dwarf, I love rugby but my first panic attack was about a year ago at a sporting stadium. I’ve not been able to shake that barrier since and it’s one of the places I avoid at all costs 🙁 that anxiety is actually the main focus of my CBT sessions.

I thank you so much for the offer though.

That, is something that should appear on the front page of Google.

I was thinking more Facebook, but yeah.

I know I can’t let the anxiety beat me and I know a panic attack can’t hurt me, I wish I could just shut it off.

Have you spoken to anyone about it? Be that a GP or a counsellor or anything? There are things you can do to get that under control.

Cougar, yes, I was referred to Stockport Mind (CBT) and started my sessions last week.

When I was in a depressive state, I always looked at myself as a burden or inconvenience to others. It looks to me like you are doing a similar thing. This becomes a vicious circle, where you increasingly isolate yourself because of your low self-worth, making you feel worse.
Go out on your bike, slow your mates down, I guarantee they will care less about it than you do.

I just know that is slow people down and most likely ruin their ride too!

Rubbish!

I slow down many a ride puffing and wheezing up the climbs, but I know it doesn’t ruin anyone else’s ride, any more than me having to wait for them (And/or scrape them off the trail again) on the way down the other side.

No ride is ruined.

A brave post, and best of luck to you!

You need to get yourself out on a Monday Night with Harry the Spider and co. The Prestwich rides in particular are easily do-able from Stockport and there’s always an hour of piss taking in the pub afterwards if you fancy it. If you need lights I’ve got a set you can borrow any time you wish. I’m only down the road and am off the bike for the foreseeable with injury so happy to meet up for a brew or a beer and talk bollocks for an hour if you fancy.

My daughter suffers with panic attacks and is under Trafford CAMHS so I have some limited understanding. Email in profile.

I just know that is slow people down and most likely ruin their ride too!

pretty much everyone who has ever been on an MNPR has had that concern before their first ride. Nobody gets dropped. Ever.

Mosey, what you doing tomorrow?

Seriously, I need pie 🙂

Chakaping, thank you. I would love to take you up on the offer. I’ve not ridden for probably 6 months 🙁 my fitness is shot and I’ve put on so much weight.

My counsellor has stated how important exercise is with my wellbeing so I need to address this quickly.

Go out on your bike, slow your mates down, I guarantee they will care less about it than you do.

+1

People will secretly be happy if you’re making them look fitter. This will make you a valued member of any group.

Tomorrow I’m helping my wife’s dad move his virgin media job. He went through something similar and was who talked to me about seeing my GP and putting me in touch with someone to help me with this.

Have a look at some of my posts/threads regarding my anxiety/depression/work issues from last June or so.

You are not alone. Your GP will be able to sort your medication. Take an active part in the counselling. Get out in the fresh air walking, riding, running, whatever. Exercise and fresh air work wonders.

Someone on here will be close enough to show you local routes, have a drink and a chat.

One thing I found helped was cutting down on caffeine (for the anxiety) and alcohol (a depressive).

Good luck. It won’t be quick nor easy.

ive nobody to slow down. My riding buddy moved to Canada and having moved to Stockport I didn’t know anybody.

I can’t thank people enough for their kind offers. I wrote this post out maybe 5 times over the last month then deleted it each time.

Well I’m not going to post mine again! Email in profile 🙂

having moved to Stockport I didn’t know anybody.

I moved out of London to a small village a while back, knowing no one in the place. Then discovered another STWer in the village through here. We drank beer and laughed, then the lazy ride-dodging bugger moved house. I think he was sick of me already. 🙂

You’d be surprised how easy it is to get people together through this place. As above, the MNPR, buying bearnecessities a pie (I’d do that. He sounds hungry), and others have already cropped up!

I like this place some times.

People will secretly be happy if you’re making them look fitter.

This, very much 🙂

I would gladly meet up, live in Monton so not too far. Happy to ride out and you set the pace. Just don’t leave me behind. Happy riding xc type stuff or a bimble along the Mersey on my cross bike. Don’t know what the weather is like on Sunday but could meet up then? All the best 1 shed.

I just know that is slow people down and most likely ruin their ride too!

Well if you are ever in the Highlands I can sort that out, ten minutes of watching me puff away then throw up at the top of a climb and you’ll feel like a whippet.

You wont always feel like this, you go through it. Not much help now but maybe hope.

Cougar, yes, I was referred to Stockport Mind (CBT) and started my sessions last week.

Good, that’s a good start.

there’s always an hour of piss taking in the pub afterwards

TBH, I’d be more than up for joining you all for that at some point. It’s the ‘ride’ bit which is my barrier to entry.

Also, in terms of rides out,

My only STW ride-out proved to demonstrate how rubbish I was. If you’re concerned about blowing it out of your arse I can guarantee I’m worse, not least because I’ve not ridden in probably 18 months or longer now.

Point (other than I’m crap) is, it didn’t matter. I felt like a liability at the time, but everyone was very lovely about it.

I found a great group of guys to ride with through the Meet up site
http://www.meetup.com/find/ have a look you will find someone to ride with

Having been through the anxiety and panic attacks and come out the other side, a couple of points:

– Good on you for such a brave post. I felt extremely daft telling people like I was defeatist as tough northern blokes don’t do that kind of thing… however once I did, it is surprising how many have been through this stuff.

– There are online CBT programmes you can register on to do in your own time which may be of use to support your sessions. I found researching loads about the psychological side of it on the Internet helped immensely.

– Motivation is a big issue but excercise really, really helps. Even if it just means getting out on your own and wasting some of the adrenaline.

– I found stopping caffeine helped, but if you are a tea guzzler, don’t just stop! Ween off it! Sounds silly, but those who know, know!

– You sound a reasonable, intelligent (and you might not think it now, but) level headed chap, so remember… you will get through it!

– Good luck dude.

TBH, I’d be more than up for joining you all for that at some point. It’s the ‘ride’ bit which is my barrier to entry.

Well I no longer even own a Mountain bike and I will still be turning up at the boozer for the “post ride mortem” from time to time 😀

Mosey I live in Cheadle, haven’t ridden enough for a while, can be found at Bruntwood Park every Saturday morning helping run the BMX club and ride out around Marple now and again. Come down and see us for a chat ride on a really small bike and join us on an infrequent, plan to become more frequent, ride.

Current riding group varies in ability, I lean to the freemincing side of the sport, I’m pretty good at finding new chicken lines by accident.

There was a plan to ride Sunday, but weather forecast has meant the usual mid week chatter Jas been quiet, no doubt the we’ll bluff about asking better half’s for a pass out at the track tomorrow. I fancy a short blast up Rivi if numbers dwindle on Sunday morning, you’re more than welcome to join me, subject to pass out!

Steve

i wonder if it’s time for another pootle?

Sounds like somebody needs to organise a friendly little group ride in those parts.

Right fella,
Mail in profile. I’m in New Mills. I lived up by Stockport grammar for years so have a vauge idea of mtb opportunities around the area.
If you just want a route, or a short ride, or a night ride, or whatever really, drop me a line
We have a very informal and occasional nighttride from marple on a Thursday which follows the age old tradition of riding round a bit then having a pint whilst taking the piss. I’ve just getting back into this as my shifts at work haven’t allowed me to get out for AGGGGGEEESSSSSSSS but I’ve got bit of a run of earlier stuff….
we work firmly on the premise that there is no back to a group ride, (see pooks rules for a pootle!!)

You are not as slow as you think……..completely open offer. If you want to, get in touch whenever you feel like!

i wonder if it’s time for another pootle?

Yep….!!!

Best wishes for the future, keep chatting and things will get betterer, keeping stuff to yourself always causes problems, perhaps some of the more personal stuff for one to ones or via email not an open forum,

This thread is a great example of why I love this place. For all that we can be argumentative dingbats, when it actually matters it’s one great big group hug.