Manage to bring you the “Cu*tryman”

Surely it has nothin on the new 5 series coupe

Ah, the TeeJ defence. You were only joking. Thanks for that. That’ll do for me. 😀

No, I’m serious about the aesthetics of the new Mini. And I’m right. They’re gopping.

I’m not as bothered about them as you obviously are though. I just think they’re yet another crap car. I’m not the one taking this whole nonsense seriously….

I’m not as bothered about them as you obviously are though.

Aren’t you? You were the one that went posting pictures and saying how you’d absolutely love one of those 500s. I’m not bothered about them either matey – I do get just a little bit bothered by all the sandy fannies (yours being one of them) over car “design”. Why can’t you just let people drive what they want – as long as it’s not some dirty great 4×4 – and leave them be without calling into question their “maynhood”, you sexist pig – and pointing and laughing – one of the things you’re very quick to point out when others do it over somebody’s choices? Hmmm? Why’s that then?

Oh right, you were only joking…you said that didn’t you.

Take it all back now do you?

Shh. Sleepy time now.

The BMW Mini, the new Beetle and the Fiat 500 are a cynical marketing exercise:

The original cars were actually ground breaking designs, built in times of austerity as innovative solutions to the problem of providing affordable transport for the newly aspirant post-war masses.

The new cars are less mechanically innovative than their predecessors, bloated facsimiles designed to sell to those whose only criteria is a pathetic need to appear ‘cool’ and to seek the approval of others who know as little about true innovation as they do themselves.

Shallow cars for shallow people.

Form has meaninglessly triumphed over function – the exact opposite of the philosophy and design of the original Mini.

The BMW Mini, the new Beetle and the Fiat 500 are a cynical marketing exercise:

The original cars were actually ground breaking designs, built in times of austerity as innovative solutions to the problem of providing affordable transport for the newly aspirant post-war masses.

The new cars are less mechanically innovative than their predecessors, bloated facsimiles designed to sell to those whose only criteria is a pathetic need to appear ‘cool’ and to seek the approval of others who know as little about true innovation as they do themselves.

Shallow cars for shallow people.

Form has meaninglessly triumphed over function – the exact opposite of the philosophy and design of the original Mini.

Shut up 😆

It’s a car. Get a grip.

Shut up 😆

It’s a car. Get a grip.

Not my fault you bought a terrible, terrible car. 😀
The naughties equivalent of one of these:

What shitbox do you drive?

A £350, 250,000 mile Vauxhall Omega – and it’s still got more class and integrity than a Countryman 🙂

But, as you say, it’s only a car, don’t let it worry you.

This is HILARIOUS

The BMW Mini, the new Beetle and the Fiat 500 are a cynical marketing exercise:

Have to disagree there with regards the Fiat. It’s a pretty good evolution of the small car, and it has some pretty interesting innovations in the shape of the Twin Air engine. Read up on it.

The Mini though is a marketing exercise, but so what? Manufacturers in product marketing SHOCKER!

And coming back full circle to the original post… I saw a CHROME Countryman this morning.

It was in Newbury, quite close to the M4 – so it could have been the same one. Surely there can’t be two people with the same twisted sense of asthetics?

Surely it has nothin on the new 5 series coupe

Ooh, quite like that. Can’t afford one, though 🙁

Car designs just going down the route of fashion, platform build based, bolt on, colour change, throw away, just like high st fashion.
Classic design will always win out, yet even some “classics” wear less well these days. The New Mini falls neatly into the falling aspiration attainability where soon they’ll be limiting production runs to bolster up an alleged “must have” exclusiveness and knocking them out in China at half the price, bit like Louis Vuitton bags.
So I’d say hold onto that ugly Mini for in a few years you’ll be able to swap the panels over for something less interesting, less inspiring with less room inside.
BMW used to, long ago, be at the forefront of car design, love em’ or hate em’ they drove well and looked solid enough with enough attainability to keep em’ selling. Now however they’re producing some damn ugly designs and the 4×4 1 series sits at the bottom of the heap, along with this torrid Countryman,
But, and this is a good thing, design is moving forward with sparkles of inspiration along with new materials and processes I’m happy to say we’re moving in the right direction, shame there are mistakes along the way, but it’s like shifting yesterdays stone washed jeans, make them in small numbers and try to attain exclusivity and comfort within the “in crowd” and you’re instantly onto a winner and seller.
I, for one, think the next incarnation of the Countryman will be a full on estate type 4×4 where you can actually get stuff into it.. but no one will buy it because it’s far too practical and you can by an Audi Estate for that can’t you.
And price points, far too expensive for a jelly mould on a skateboard, having set the target marketing price at a level, it’s now hard to discount without loosing “brand”, so where do you go with that but Up just to the point of people starting to turn to other products..
And that Audi 1 looks pig ugly too.

I hated the concept of the BMW Mini as a big cash in, all style over substance and like many others slagged it down at any chance.
The wife has now bought a Mini Cooper S and I’m now forced to eat my words as I sneak another drive in it. They do handle very well, not quite original Mini handling but enough to not need to use the brakes that often. Plenty of go in them to encourage you to rag it at any given chance and that’s without using the sport button that firms the suspension and increases throttle response to make it even more addictive.
Mini is no way to describe the car as sat beside my own estate car it stills looks huge. I’ve not actually seen a Countryman in the flesh so can only imagine how much bigger that is. They are supposed to be bringing out a mini Mini soon accoding to Auto Express which shrinks it down to slightly bigger than the original Mini but with smaller more economical engines too.
Those that haven’t driven a new Mini need to before slaggin them off to prevent future mocking from their other halves.

The 7 month wait I had until I got mine would suggest otherwise…

I would suggest it proves my point exactly. Create an image, then under-supply the product when released to make it seem more exclusive.

Sucker!

Oooh, get you two and all your posturing…sure sign of issues again. And the fact that you’re talking bollocks and getting all wound up about cars that you’ll probably never (be able to afford to) drive. Tell me, what issues have you two got with cute little cars all of a sudden? Is it really that important? Surely it’s not. There are other things t worry about aren’t there? Or is it that there isn’t? Life that mundane for you at the moment?

Able to afford to? Mate, I can have what I like. I have no isses with cute cars (Fiat 500 for example) Plain and boring is just fine. It’s just the gopping ones that offend. BTW, I’m not wound up. I’m having a great time!

You’ll see one day that I can handle the truth…

Oh really? When? 34th of Never?

Btw, I wasn’t calling you a hypocrite PP,

I never said you were. I know Elfin well, I was pointing it out on his behalf

just a bollocks spouter that’s all.

That’s only an opinion. No more valid than my own

Effin’s the hypocrite around here. He does know it, but he’s struggling to deal with being called out for it.

What ARE you on?

failed. Failed badly

By what criteria? (Ask Effin if you’re not sure what that means, he’ll explain it to you)

So, you think I’m thick eh? Jeeze thanks. Been called worse by better . I’ll get over it (Sniff)

Oh, and lastly, BY MY CRITERIA.

Molgrips, a Fiat 500 is a rebodied, less aerodynamic Panda with less interior space and a hugely inflated price.

How has that moved on the design of the small car?

So you’re saying it’s a smaller Panda. Is there something wrong with a car being smaller? Like the Ka, iQ and others it represents a good practical but very small and efficient car. I dunno if you can remember back to the 80s/90s but small cars were just crap for people who couldn’t afford big ones. Now they are way way better, and Fiat have contributed to this.

The genuine innovation is the engine.

All this is so funny. Having built a mini van from parts when I was at school and having several minis since I was kinda against the MINI until I drove it. So I have, and have had quite a few, including:

JCW Convertible (Current)

Stage1 Sprite (Current)

Cooper S (Sold)

It’s the classic problem with designing a retro car: how do you develop the styling after the initial hype has died down. I don’t have a answer, but it’s clear that BMW/ Mini cocked it up from the first attempt to do it. I thought the Clubman was a an affront to decency and good taste, but this thing is just an embarrassment to the brand.
The Beetle: looks OK in hard & soft top, but nowhere to go styling-wise.
Fiat 500: Looks great now, but can’t think how it could be developed.
Schirocco: Not quite the same as it’s not retro enough, so can (& should in my opinion) be developed. Nice front end, but looks like an elephant sat on the rear.

Molgrips, the twin cylinder engine you’re so keen on appears to be getting around 30-35 mpg in general use, according to the angry letters sent into the Telegraph motoring section over the last few months.

Still, it’cheap to manufacture, so that’s all right.

The 500 takes up the same amount of roadspace as the Panda but has less interior space.
It’s a less efficient car, a step backward.

The original 500 looked like it did for engineering reasons. The new one giives you less whilst costing more.
Pretty cynical if you ask me…..

how do you develop the styling after the initial hype has died down. I don’t have a answer, but it’s clear that BMW/ Mini cocked it up from the first attempt to do it. I thought the Clubman was a an affront to decency and good taste, but this thing is just an embarrassment to the brand.

Well having owned three, I can comment

Supercharged Cooper S was a riot. Noisy, cramped, sparse interior, brutally fast, insane grip and handling and a joy to drive. However over time it became tiresome. Brilliant for short sharp blasts but longer trips were tiring.

So as I’m growing out of that, they revise the car and replace it with the turbocharged Cooper S. It’s no longer noisy with a sparse interior. Still cramped but the brutal speed and insane grip and handling are still there. It’s now got a “Sport” button. With it turned off it’s a nice litle hot hatch and quite low key. With it turned on, it’s insane. The performance is noticeably increased and the handling is much more responsive. So it’s a more civilised development of the launch model which I was growing tired of so it’s a logical step for me. However after a few years of that I start to have a niggle about the interior space, lack of boot and complete inability to have anyone in the back…

So they bring out the Countryman. Which has the refinement of the previous model, and the speed and handling are still there along with the sport button for those all important B-road excursions, but this time we’ve got doors in the back and proper legroom for adults to sit in the back. Plus there’s a boot! It’s not massive but you’ll get a couple of small suitcases in there with ease. Now it’s a far more practical while still maintaining the fun factor.

It’s fun.

Oh and here’s a top tip, if you don’t like it, don’t buy it 😉

Molgrips, the twin cylinder engine you’re so keen on appears to be getting around 30-35 mpg in general use

That surprises me somewhat, but I’ve no idea if it’s true or not. However I strongly suspect a bit of intelligent driving could significantly improve on that. Not sure I trust people who write angry letters to the Telegraph 🙂

If the 500 really is the exact same car as a Panda then so what? Just call it a different body style and let the market choose. The fact that lots of people have bought them means it’s a success.

After all, what are Fiat meant to do apart from sell cars? Can’t see why they’re being blamed tbh.

EDIT: Quick google suggests anything from 35mpg when new to 45-50 when run in for the 500 twin air. Disappointing. Sounds a bit like those VW TSI ones where it’s possible to get high MPG but rather technically difficult.

The aforementioned sport button makes me drive like a complete twunt.

On the JCW model (not sure about the others) it also does something to the exhaust/ECU so if you sharply accelerate then overrun it does massive backfires (not like the normal overrun popping). Apparently it’s intentional, zoze krazy germans.

The net effect is me sharply accelerating; decelerating, making a loud pop and grinning like an idiot. Fun though.

However I strongly suspect a bit of intelligent driving could significantly improve on that.

I suspect you are correct. 500s are generally a town car though, which could well be part of the answer…..

The aforementioned sport button makes me drive like a complete twunt.

No it doesn’t. 😉
I’m all for a bit of, err, ‘exuberance’ and I don’t need a button to press, personally….

The 500 has a much better safety record than a panda. Or so I’m informed by Gav at the FIAT dealer.