My mum died in June and we are starting to clear things out of her house (albeit very slowly). Anyway, my brother came across several cards written by her for her grand-daughters (birthdays in July), our wedding anniversary (July) and my birthday (August). It seems she was simply being organised as she was going through chemo and perhaps thought she might not be well enough later down the line so wrote them early.

So there they are, just sat on our sideboard. I both want to open them and throw them away in equal measure. Part of me thinks it is odd to read a card from someone no longer with us, but at the same time I want to read what she put in the cards. But if I do read them I fear I will be a wreck as just looking at her writing on the envelopes makes me well up.

Perhaps I don’t expect the answer here but it is spinning around my head constantly and I need it out of there…

She wrote them to you, you can open them if you want to.

I think she obviously wanted you to open them, otherwise she wouldnt have written them?
Understand your dilema though…… that’s a tough one.

Well it’s obvious to me. Open them. Open them on the say they were intended to be opened, if you could, but that’s now passed, so get together and do them all together. Have a laff, have a cry, just remember your mum 🙂

Open them, she may have said things in them she hadn’t said before she died. No shame in becoming a wreck for a bit after you open them mate.

But if I do read them I fear I will be a wreck as just looking at her writing on the envelopes makes me well up

That’s how it goes and [IMO] is a necessary part of the process

don’t bin them, if you don’t feel up to it leave it til later – indefinitley if need be but don’t bin them.

Wait until next year ? You will be able to cope better and the bad memories will have faded, you will be happy remembering her. Time really helps with grief, honest. (but read the ones for your daughter before you hand them over, just in case)

What would your mum have wanted you to do? She wrote them for specific memerable dates. Open on the days they are ment for and remember her for obviously caring for you. All the best to you.

Edit. Oop did not think that the dates had past. Do what someone above said, open them together and make a bit of a celebration about it. A few tears is cool when it’s someone you love.

I would open them., but realise I am going to be a ball of tears very soon after.

Hopefully in happiness, as well as sadness. Either way I think it would be cathartic.

For me, the only reason I wouldn’t is the fact after they are opened that will be it. Nothing more to come. They will not be replaced, but then maybe that finality is what I would need.

Tough call.

Keep them until you are sure. You will open them eventually, I would but not without going through the same thought process.

Open and read, or at least keep until you’re feeling better. They probably will have you in floods of tears but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

(but read the ones for your daughter before you hand them over, just in case)

Sorry – not my daughters, my nieces – mum managed (just) to make our daughters’ 2nd birthday at the beginning of June 🙂

Open – when you are ready.

If you chuck them you will kick yourself later

What everyone above has said. What a brave selfless woman.

Don’t throw them away.

My dad chucked a load of stuff after my mum died. I guess it was part of the ‘dealing with it’ process that he needed to go through.

What he didn’t think about was the sentimental value of the stuff to others. He charity shopped a load of stuff that I really really wanted. I trawled a charity shops for ages to buy it back but never found it.

Not entirely relevant to your situation but don’t throw stuff away until you know that it’s the right thing to do.

When my mum was clearing out my grandmother’s house (I was very, very close to my grandmother), she found a card I had written to my gran about 20 years ago when I was still at primary school, my gran had been keeping it in her bedside table.

My mum was torn whether or not to tell me, given how upset I had been after her death/funeral etc.

She told me anyway, and while the thought of my gran keeping that card next to her for so long had me in floods of tears, it’s a final, clear image that I have in my head of my gran which I’m now glad I have.

I don’t remember with any great clarity the last time my gran told me that she loved me (despite the fact that she did it regularly), but finding that card was a lasting way for her to have done so.

It will have you in tears, but I would read the cards. It will be a lasting, good memory.

Don’t throw them away. You’ll be gutted you did later on. If you feel you aren’t ready now, put them in a drawer or in a box or just away somewhere safe.

I did this with letters my grandfather wrote when he knew (and we didn’t) that he was getting close to the end. I was always close to him and he left them in a box in his shed with my name on apparently knowing it’d be me who cleaned his shed out. I put them away and came across them about 6 months later. I took them to his grave and opened them sitting there in the summer sun next to him. It helped no end. So did the crying 🙂

You’ll know when you feel like you can open them.

Just my experience.

I would keep them somewhere safe & not open them just yet.

At least then, if you change your mind you still have the option to read them.

My Dad passed away 6 weeks ago & know what you mean about reading their hand writing.

All the best MF btw.

[edit] She sounded like such a caring person to think of others while she was going through what she had to deal with, that show you what sort of person she was, sadly for my Dad, he was nothing like that.

But if I do read them I fear I will be a wreck as just looking at her writing on the envelopes makes me well up

You’ll get over being a wreck, and in the medium term opening a few cards is unlikely to make much difference to how you feel – can’t see what genuine downside there is to opening them.

Open them.

You have to.

you’d regret throwing them away me thinks

Personally, I’d have to open them. I understand the upset they’re likely to bring in the short term but I’d rather that than the “what if” feeling I’d get by either leaving them or throwing them away.

they might have money in them, if if she was anything like my gran… book tokens.

(i’d open them, have a good manly cry imagining her sitting there writing them to you with love in her heart, and try and hold on to that memory)

Part of me is thinking that the content won’t live up to my ‘expectations’ though – I don’t think there will be any final message, *just* an anniversary card and a birthday card.

Jeez I miss mum 🙁 and dad 🙁

open them
what if there’s a treasure map in there?
or a gift voucher for Evans?

Part of me is thinking that the content won’t live up to my ‘expectations’ though – I don’t think there will be any final message, *just* an anniversary card and a birthday card.

I doubt you’ll think of them as ‘just’ anything in these circumstances – if that were the case, you’d surely not be having this dilemma.

What a brave selfless woman.

Says it all.

I doubt you’ll think of them as ‘just’ anything in these circumstances – if that were the case, you’d surely not be having this dilemma.

What I mean (not wanting to sound like it would be *just*) is that I think I know what the content will be like and opening them will just cause upset. If it was a ‘last letter’ I wouldn’t be having the dilemma. I think.

m_f – having recently been through the loss of both my parents, I have no doubt I’d open them. What you refer to as “upset” is, to me, just one of those times when the loss is more sharply felt. I don’t mind that, it simply reminds me how much I loved them and miss them.

* off for a wee cry now *

If you chuck them you will kick yourself later If you chuck them you will kick yourself later

This, I think.

Even if it is “just” a card, it would still be nice, wouldn’t it? She wrote them for a reason.

There’s no onus on you to open them now. They’ll keep till next week, next month, next year, whenever it stops feeling raw (which it will) and you feel strong enough to read them.

Personally, I think I’d open them on the days she intended them to be opened, birthdays etc. That’s what she wanted, after all. Either that or I’d just do it now and get it over with, then at least you’re no longer worrying about them. But you’re not me, so do what works for you. Stick ’em in a box in the loft out of sight if that’s what you need to do.

Sorry for your loss. It’s a cliche but time is a good healer.

when you’re ready..

open a bottle of whisky (or whatever)
open the cards
have a cry – it’s all part of grieving

Open them.

Have a BIG cry…

Trust me it will help with the grieving process! The sooner you get the first big cry out of the way, the sooner you start to get on with the rest of your life. Took me ages to cry properly after my mum died, but when I did it was like a massive weight off my shoulders.