[Closed] Self loathe

I'm a long term sufferer of depression. Lately I have found it increasingly difficult to get up and do things. Notably, getting out on my bike. The problem lies with what I expect from myself when I do ride. I think there's no point in going out becuase I'll not be able to hit the runs as fast as possible, or be at the front of the group. I have this huge want to be the very best, totally unrealistic of course. I raced last year and left every round in a depressed state. I know I'm not the best rider by far - simply making up the numbers in the middle of the pack - but I expect to be in my head. I know it's ridiculous to think that I should only ride if I can be the best I can be, so how can I get out of that train of thought. Cue the usual STW responses, though I would appreciate some humanity in the replies 🙂

Cheers

Col